


DRRR!! analysis

by Analyst



Category: Durarara!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 01:47:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 54,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17715746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Analyst/pseuds/Analyst
Summary: This whole thing is copied from zephyrsus’s tumblr.I don’t own her analysis on Durarara!!I simply wanted to gather it all here for myself.





	DRRR!! analysis

**Author's Note:**

> This whole thing is copied from zephyrsus’s tumblr.  
> I don’t own her analysis on Durarara!!  
> I simply wanted to gather it all here for myself.

Izaya is in unrequited love with Shizuo theory  


##  _Spoiler Warning for Vol 8 - 13 (especially 13)_

  


Hi. This is just what the title says – a theory that Izaya is in love with Shizuo in canon.

I wrote this long ago but only recently got the courage to post it. When I posted it in my fanfic it was more well received than I expected, so here I am trying to find that courage again to post it on a more public social platform aka tumblr to share it with more people.

Most of it will be from the version in my fanfiction but towards the end there will be some new parts which I added so that people can understand without reading my other theories (which I posted in the fanfiction author’s notes as well). I tried to make it as short as possible so hopefully it isn’t too long.

Well with that, I hope you enjoy reading.

  


I agree with people who think they’re a ‘pair’, Narita did say he created Shizuo for Izaya, he didn’t want Izaya to be the unbeatable villain so 'and that’s how Shizuo was born’. So if there was no Izaya, there literally would be no Shizuo.

But I don’t take the 'they secretly like each other’ route, I think they’re canon in being one of the twisted relationships Narita describes in his narration. However I don’t see their canon relationship as nothing more than hatred either, they pay too much attention to each other to be just regular hatred. Especially Izaya to Shizuo and how Shizuo is the only one who can affect him.

In fact I think Izaya is in love with Shizuo. I have my reasons for this and they are super long. It just struck me after the last volume. He is not 'secretly in love’ with Shizuo. He is in love, he knows it, and he hates it because he hates the effect Shizuo has on his usually controlled being.

Izaya’s character trademark is his love for humanity – no, his unrequited love for humanity. Yet, though humanity doesn’t love him back, he’s not hurt or affected. And doesn’t this quite not make sense? Unrequited love is always painful. But perhaps Shinra can explain better :

> _“He might seem cold-blooded, but he’s more human and his heart more brittle than anyone else. So much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it’d break easily. Which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity. You understand? Not to accept, not to face it. To avoid it. It’s something like how a windsock flies. On first sight mouth wide open, like he’s smiling and accepting everything, with a huge capacity… But in reality it’s a cylinder with no bottom. That’s why any amount can go through the mouth. And he can love anything.”_
> 
> _**\- Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 13** _

Izaya can love anything and anyone, except Shizuo. Shinra says:  


“Which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity. You understand? Not to accept, not to face it. To avoid it.”  


So Shinra’s theory is that Izaya loves humanity because he doesn’t want his fragile heart to break with things like friendship or romantic love. He says that Izaya is avoiding it, avoiding the things he doesn’t want to deal with, this might be why Simon called him a coward.  


  


Izaya loves humanity, but rather than really loving purely, it’s more of a form of wide acceptance. He’s just decided to accept everything and because he can accept everything, all the dark parts of humanity, he isn’t affected. That’s where he gets his control from.

But Izaya can’t love Shizuo. He can’t love Shizuo as a human. “Shizu-chan is a monster, that’s why I can’t love him. I love only humans. That’s why I hate him.” Izaya always says this.

But is Shizuo really a monster? No. He is clearly human, Narita himself says his strength comes from being born without the natural limiter of the human body. If anything, Shizuo is the most human of all humans. He’s making use of the full potential of the human body. If anything, rather than hating him, Izaya, who loves humans for their potential and because they 'surpass his expectations’, should love him the most of all humans.

Narita starts to show Shizuo’s humanity from volume 5 onwards. Vorona herself confirms this, when she compares the Headless Rider and Anri with Shizuo, that Shizuo is undoubtedly human. Which is why she is so depressed at having lost so badly, she can accept losing to something not human, but Shizuo is clearly human.

Why am I mentioning Vorona? Because she confirmed Shizuo’s humanity at the pivotal moment.

I believe Shizuo would have killed Izaya in Volume 13 if Vorona hadn’t stopped him. It was said he decided to abandon his humanity – at that moment, he became a true monster.

And that’s what Izaya wants. Because Shizuo is finally becoming the monster he wanted him to be.

  


Izaya said he wanted to kill Shizuo. That’s true. But that’s not all. That’s not Izaya’s only plan. In volume 13, Izaya had two plans. To kill Shizuo or be killed by Shizuo. As someone aptly put –

_Izaya has two options, either he proves Shizuo is a monster or Shizuo isn’t a monster from the start and so he has to love him as a claiming human lover._  


We all know Orihara Izaya is a very logical man. So it’s very unnatural of him to seriously try to kill Shizuo –  


> _“He’s a guy to smile as he ruins people, but he doesn’t use violence to destroy them directly. Because of what he says about loving humans and such. So it’s probably the first time he’s giving his all to kill someone.”  
>  _
> 
> _**\- Sharaku Mikage, Durarara Volume 13** _

When he knows Shizuo is indestructible. Consider the situation prior. Izaya was stabbed and in the hospital. No one came to visit him. He expected Shizuo to come see him to kill him, and he even smiles while imagining it, quite fondly if you ask me. But Shizuo didn’t come. No one came. Izaya gets out of the hospital. His first appearance after he was stabbed in volume 6 –

> _“Seems like I can solve the conflict using Awakusu-kai. Now just how should I do this.”  
>  He put on a frivolous summer coat and continued talking to himself.  
>  “Though, that Russian’s daughter has become Shizu-chan’s subordinate.”  
>  Covering his anxious feelings, the coated man slowly left.  
>  “After all, humans are so interesting.”  
>  The man smiled coldly and happily skipped along an empty road.  
>  Very, very happily.  
>  He was skipping like a kid rushing towards an excursion bus._
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 8_

–He’s seen talking about Shizuo. And Vorona. And later on –

> _“I heard that Mikado-kun has changed…. but how has he actually grown, I’ll watch with anticipation.”_
> 
> _The man smiles, his phone suddenly rang out with electro-acoustics.  
>  “Yeah, what’s up?”  
>  Though the man greets the phone with a happy sound, but –  
>  Suddenly, the happy expression is removed, and he’s only left with the corners of this mouth pulled in a reluctant smile.  
>  “Ah, Shizu-chan and Kida huh…?”  
>  “You’re still managing a feeble existence, Shizu-chan!”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 8_

I find it interesting how he’s returning to his usual self, loving humans and considering them interesting. And both times, Shizuo comes to mind, and he’s abruptly affected – 'anxious feelings’, 'reluctant smile’, 'smiled coldly’. And both times, it’s when he thinks of Shizuo having more people around him (perhaps comparing to when he was all alone in the hospital). It’s half envy of Shizuo and half hurt. Envious because Shizuo has people who care about him and hurt because Shizuo is just going on as always.

And just before their death match –

> _“Iya, Shizu-chan. Even this method doesn’t kill you, ne? Incredible, you’re really a monster. It’s delirious, to think that you could even protect humans in that state.”_
> 
> _“I’ve probably said this before, but do you really thinking helping humans is going to make them love you? Aah, or do you have some special feelings towards that Vorona girl? Originally, I thought you were a lolicon who’d become infatuated with the little lady of the Awakusu-kai.”_
> 
> _“Ah, right. You don’t care what’s going to happen to Celty anymore? That Kujiraki woman that you just spared… want me to tell you what an evil person she is?”  
>  Izaya’s tone is filled with mockery and glee, but all this while Shizuo has said absolutely nothing. He climbs the stairs of the building wordlessly, and stops when he reaches about midway. He then opens his mouth.  
>  “Izaya.”  
>  Unable to hear any anger in Shizuo’s tone, Izaya answers.  
>  “… What is it?”  
>  In a calm, nearly peaceful tone, Shizuo replies:  
>  “… Goodbye.” (**He says 'abayo’, a cultural version of 'sayonara’, which in the Japanese has the effect of saying 'goodbye forever.’ )_
> 
> _With only this said, Shizuo ends the call.  
>  “Ahh… goodbye.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 12_

The first thing he says to Shizuo (after not seeing him since forever, since the time Shizuo confronted him in front of his apartment – all the way back in the anime season, Volume 2) is about love. The second thing he says is how he’s gotten close to Vorona and Akane, and he mentions Celty and even Kujiraki (all the girls Shizuo is close with, he never mentioned Kida even though he was affected by their interaction). It might be far-fetched, but Izaya may be just jealous of the attention Shizuo is showing others (girls) and not him (Namie even wonders at the extent Izaya goes to, the 'roundabout way’ to kill Shizuo – when he could have just poisoned him)  


Of course Izaya’s intention is to piss Shizuo off with talking about the people Shizuo cares about (since he just tried to kill Shizuo and Vorona saved him, leaving her badly injured and Shizuo furious) –

So that Shizuo will seriously kill him. Because the third thing to note is that Izaya said “Goodbye” after Shizuo hung up. As if he knew he was going to die by Shizuo’s hand.

  


But Izaya won’t go down without a fight, and so he seriously tries to kill Shizuo. He’s truly angry, because he’s reached the limit of being affected by Shizuo, and perhaps being ignored. With the theory in mind, he doesn’t want to deal with his unrequited love for Shizuo any longer, he’s at the limits of his denial. So he wants to kill Shizuo, and end it once and for all.

But logically and realistically, he knows he can’t. And here comes his Plan B. His contingency plan, which is in fact his real intention, is to make Shizuo kill him –

> _“Orihara Izaya… The guy in black, he can’t stand how human Heiwajima Shizuo is. That’s why he wants to look down on him as no more than a monster. He’s fine so long as he can make it such that no matter how much the other guy yearns to be human, humanity will reject him.”_
> 
> _**\- Kuronoma Aoba, Durarara Volume 13** _

So that, just as Aoba who claims to be similar to Izaya says, Shizuo will become a true monster and Izaya doesn’t have to love him (because Izaya loves only humans). Shizuo killing Izaya would make him a true monster. It could be Izaya wants to make humanity reject Shizuo, because Shizuo rejected him and he wants his revenge.

> _“…do it, monster.”_
> 
> _**\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 13** _

And Izaya would have succeeded, if it were not for Vorona –

> _“Vorona…?”  
>  Shizuo turned, slowly to look at Vorona; in his eyes, mixed with his rage towards Izaya, was a sense of bewilderment.  
>  Looking between Shizuo, and Izaya, who had fallen to his knees -  
>  Vorona said, evenly, to Shizuo:  
>  “Shizuo-senpai - is human.”  
>  It was not that she knew of Izaya’s thoughts.  
>  But by simple coincidence, her words were a rejection of Izaya’s thoughts.  
>  “The need to become a beast - is nil.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 13_

Vorona says the truth Izaya has refused to acknowledge – that Shizuo is human. She stops Shizuo from killing Izaya, wanting to kill him instead, giving Simon and Celty the time to intervene so that Izaya can get away and he lives. So Shizuo doesn’t kill Izaya, Shizuo is not a monster.

> _-To think… Such a stupid end.  
>  As he saw Vorona point the gun at him, Izaya felt a great disappointment.  
>  But he smiled, somewhat as if he had given up, and looked straight at Vorona.  
>  -It’s all right; I’ll allow this. Because I love humanity.  
>  “…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 13_

And Izaya is disappointed. Because he had wanted to die by Shizuo’s hand, so he could finally prove once and for all, that Shizuo is a monster to his humans (so that they will reject him just like how Shizuo rejected him) but most importantly, to himself, so that he can convince himself he is not in love with Shizuo because he loves only humans.  


But his last plan fails, and he has no choice but to give up. I have my own theory on how Vorona is a reflection of Izaya, for starters how they both have twisted notions of humanity and how they’re both intelligent but child-like and of course, how their perceptions of humans are changed by Shizuo, the most human man – for Vorona, humans’ fragility, and Izaya, his love for humans. So Izaya’s last words could be subconsciously to himself – he’s finally admitting he’s not a god but human because he can love; Shizuo (who remains human because he didn’t kill Izaya) Izaya is, as described, finally given up on his denial –

> _“Don’t misunderstand; I just wanted to see you to your death without interruptions.”  
>  The girl looked at him through the mirror, with obvious hatred and contempt.  
>  “If you died here, I would say, 'You were killed by Heiwajima Shizuo. Serves you right.’ If you survived thanks to that Shadow, I would say, 'You’re living so freely thanks to the Headless Rider. Serves you right.’  
>  ”…Haha… Don’t say… such hateful things.“  
>  "I heard a lot from Kishitani-sensei just now. About what you might hate.”  
>  “Damn… him…”  
>  He smiled bitterly as he heaved a deep sigh, and with glassy eyes, he looked up at the pitch-black sky through the window.  
>  Izaya fell silent, and Kine asked:  
>  “What now? Would it be more convenient to leave you at the A & E nearby, or at an underground doctor I have connections with?”  
>  And Izaya, glaring at the Shadow spread over Ikebukuro’s sky, said, ignoring his own state of near-death:  
>  “Ahh… First would be to get out of this city… Go somewhere far, if possible…”_
> 
> _“Because I would rather die… than be seen by a monster.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 13 Epilogue_

  


Going back to Shinra’s quote about Izaya – Izaya never denied it. In fact, he’s bitter about it, as if he knows it’s true. Take this into context and we could say it’s because he failed to prove Shizuo was a monster for the last time and so he has to admit he’s in love with him. He’s given up on denial. He’s in love, and he hates it, hates the effect Shizuo has on him, hates being in unrequited love with Shizuo who hates him enough to kill him. Because being in unrequited love makes him suffer, makes him hurt, he’s tried for the last time to avoid it, but he can’t. Being in love with Shizuo makes, as Shinra said, his brittle heart break. 

And perhaps Manami who wants to kill Izaya sees this, maybe not that Izaya is in love, but that Izaya would suffer more being alive than dead.

> _“What he hates, would probably be… to feel real pain, or heat, or suffering, I think.”_
> 
> _**\- Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 13** _

Shinra said Izaya would _hate suffering the most_ , so it could be the reason why he _hates Shizuo the most_ is because _**Shizuo makes him suffer the most in unrequited love.**_

And Manami who asked Shinra what Izaya truly hates, sees Izaya’s suffering after failing to be killed by Shizuo and make him become a monster, and that’s why she has no qualms letting him live.

> _“Because I would rather die… than be seen by a monster.”_
> 
> _**\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 13** _

Izaya’s last line wraps it all up. He might be in love with Shizuo but he still has his pride and he doesn’t want Shizuo to see him in such a pathetic state. He would rather die, when he’s afraid of death. It seems he fears being in love more than he fears death.  


To end, I think the beginning and ending lines of the last novel are especially interesting –

> _The twisted love story closes its curtains._
> 
> _This is a twisted story.  
>  A twisted love story.  
>  With the neigh of an urban legend,  
>  with the tears of a boy,  
>  with the return of the ordinary,  
>  with the disappearance of the mastermind,  
>  and with the hints of a new story beginning -  
>  the story of twisted love now closes its curtains._
> 
> _For their love is no longer twisted._

  
With my theory, I think the last line is referring to Izaya (and maybe Shizuo, since their, unless 'their’ is a gender neutral pronoun). This I’m still not too sure, but I can say that the last volume is all about Shizuo and Izaya (it starts off to when after Izaya first met Shizuo and is annoyed and affected), and their pasts, and Shinra’s comment about Izaya’s heart, and their death match. Rather than Shizuo, it’s all about Izaya. So the line 'The twisted love story closes its curtains’ is very interesting to me. Especially because the mastermind has disappeared, both figuratively and literally. Izaya admits he’s in love, and that he’s human and not a god, and leaves the city of Ikebukuro alone. And so the twisted love story finally closes its curtains.  


Because I think Izaya may have become a villain to 'keep’ Shizuo. 

> _“Yeah. I really do love her. Honestly, rather than love it’s more a desire to monopolise her, I think. That’s why, if she’s about to leave me… I think I’d be fine with being any kind of villain to make her stay. I might even kill.”_
> 
> _“…but that wouldn’t work. If you killed someone you’d just be hated more.”_
> 
> _“Yeah, that’s why - I’d most likely hide it from her always. …no, I might even lie that she was the one to push me to murder, and make her feel guilty. She might stay with me forever, if I did that.”_
> 
> _“You’re worse than I thought. It’s because you say things like these so damned honestly that you have so few friends, I think.”_
> 
> _“I didn’t think it’d be you to say that, Shizuo-kun, but I won’t deny it.”_
> 
> _“What’s love if you hurt the other person? Even for love, that’s fairly twisted.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara Volume 13, Chapter 11_

And we all know who the villain in Durarara is. Who always wants to hurt Shizuo and make him suffer, and monopolise his attention.

As for why he honestly tries to kill Shizuo in volume 13 (and not in those eight years they’ve known each other) it’s because Shizuo has people around him, friends (not like before), so Izaya is no longer anyone special. 

  


Izaya’s view of Shizuo is rather ambivalent in the novels. At times he calls him a monster, an iron golem, a beast, a protozoan, but at other times he calls him a superhuman who can’t evolve. You wonder does he really consider Shizuo a monster or human? Well, in the past –

> _“A fight? I don’t know what you’re saying. That protozoan monster only nearly killed me.”_
> 
> _The fight Shinra spoke of was when Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya had attempted to kill one another after they had been introduced, almost like a bad joke._
> 
> _“What is he, really? With some persuasion I set up an accident, but I didn’t imagine he would be perfectly fine after getting hit by a truck.”_
> 
> _“Isn’t it interesting? You said you liked humans, Orihara-kun, so I thought you might be interested.”_
> 
> _“That’s no human. Maybe a wild beast, or a monster.”_
> 
> _  
> _

> _“Yes; not just rumours, but an urban legend that once lived! The human Heiwajima Shizuo might even, after death, be complete as an existence surpassing humanity.”_
> 
> _Shinra nodded cheerfully as he spoke, and Izaya felt himself annoyed by those words._
> 
> _–That man, living on as an urban legend?_
> 
> _–An existence surpassing humanity?_
> 
> _–Ridiculous. That thing’s no more than a monster._
> 
> _Setting aside the extraordinary fight yesterday, he felt an irrational anger towards the human Heiwajima Shizuo; as he noticed this in himself, Izaya asked a question._

He still calls Shizuo a monster and a beast, and denies his humanity, but the narration itself described **Izaya himself** saw Shizuo as human. And in SH –  


> _“The question is, what do humans do when they see something unlike them?”_
> 
> _He rose slowly from his chair, and walked up to a shelf with various books._
> 
> _“Will they revere it; will they simply shiver in fear; will they make it their gateway to the extraordinary, their tool to escape reality; will they try to take advantage of it; will they try to kill it; will they eliminate it as something they’d hate even the sight of; or will they run from it themselves instead… What about you? Well, any answer you give is fine.”_
> 
> _The informant stroked the spines of the books, and declared once more to his client:_
> 
> _“Because I love humans.”_
> 
> _And - as if he had suddenly thought of it, he mentioned a man._
> 
> _“Well, there’s even someone I know who gave the completely unthinkable answer of loving the Headless Rider romantically. That, as well, I respect as one of humanity’s choices.”_
> 
> _The informant took out a number of books, and arranged them as he said:_
> 
> _“People exhibit different behaviours when faced with something different. Even if it’s not a monster or some sort of supernatural creature; even with others who are human like themselves. A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might immediately become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong. Depending on the people, the era, and the society in question, it’s natural to have a variety of responses.”_
> 
> _Shrugging lightly, the informant spoke ironically._
> 
> _“In that sense, when a monster is born in society, it’s not the humans that matter. It’s the 'monster’; that’s what I think.”_
> 
> _  
> _
> 
> _“…That is, out of the humans with their full spectrum of reactions, it’s a matter of whose hand they take.”_
> 
> _\- Durarara! SH Volume 1_

Izaya seems to finally admit he does see Shizuo as human.

> _“A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might immediately become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong.”_
> 
> _**\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara! SH Volume 1** _

Izaya says even with others who are humans like themselves people exhibit different reactions when faced with something different, and Shizuo is outwardly human. And Izaya is not blaming Shizuo at all here for being a monster. He is in fact **relieving him of blame**.  He represents and symbolizes Shizuo in accordance to the full spectrum of human reactions dependent on the time, in war or peace, he symbolizes and analyzes Shizuo as not a monster, but a ‘victim’ – because he is relating Shizuo’s abnormal presence, his monstrosity, being not something innate, but situational – a cause of the time period and era in which he was born.

And that’s why he says, “A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might immediately become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong. Depending on the people, the era, and the society in question, it’s natural to have a variety of responses.” 

  


Izaya is interested in Shizuo. Shizuo is the most human with being able to use full potential of the human body, and he’s the human Izaya is most interested in. He has the greatest human potential. And he knows, everyone fears Shizuo (Izaya is always saying so), and he knows, that Shizuo knows everyone fears him. And so he makes himself stand out, taunts Shizuo, shows him he’s not afraid of him, wanting the 'monster’ to notice him, and take his hand.

So when Shizuo gets more and more people who are not afraid of him, Izaya is annoyed. Not only is Shizuo not alone when Izaya is, if there are more and more people who don’t fear Shizuo, then Izaya is no longer anyone special. Celty, Shinra, Tom and Kasuka are fine, but adding Vorona, Akane, Izaya’s sisters, Kida, etc, everyone is beginning to see Shizuo as human. And because Shizuo hates Izaya, Shizuo will take all of their hands, and never Izaya’s. 

And Izaya hates Shizuo for that, because he was the one who got to Shizuo first. He’s not afraid of Shizuo, but Shizuo rejected him. They’re not afraid of Shizuo, and Shizuo doesn’t reject them. It’s as if Izaya is in some way, inferior to them, and for someone proud like Izaya, inferiority is not something he should feel and he hates it.

Shinra said to Manami Izaya would hate pain or heat or suffering the most, and so Izaya hates Shizuo the most because he makes him suffer in his loneliness and unrequited love. Shinra also said something about envy with the same nature as love, which could be alluding to Izaya (there was an explicit description of Izaya looking down from the crane tower and admitting to himself he’s envious of Shizuo).

Because it’s then Izaya realizes Shizuo really doesn’t give a damn 'bout him and that’s when he can’t deny his feelings of envy, hurt and suffering and in revenge he ruins Shizuo’s peace for the last time and aims to kill him, make him become a monster so he doesn’t have to love Shizuo because Izaya loves only humans.

  


Haha sorry it turned out longer than I expected. You can think I’m thinking too much or reading into it too much, but it’s my point of view. It’s my theory. I have other theories to support this theory, like how Shizuo is Izaya’s 'monster’ just as Celty is Shinra’s, 'monster’ because both Shizuo and Celty are considered as monsters and Izaya and Shinra are unusual but still human.  


Haha. Well I’m happy if you actually read to the end anyway. I wrote this in reply to a friend, but I thought I might as well share it with the fandom. Of course I’m not saying Shizaya is canon, I am theorizing that Izaya’s feelings for Shizuo are more than hatred – namely, love – unrequited, at that. Since this theory contains a ‘pairing’, I just wanted to make that clear. If you don’t agree and think Izaya definitely hates Shizuo and only hates him with no other emotion involved, it’s absolutely fine with me haha. 

I’m not sure who will be reading this, but I just really wanted to share this with the Shizaya fans on here because the ones on my fanfiction seemed to enjoy it. I would be happy if the Shizaya fans here enjoyed it as well!

  


  


  


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**Sources**

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Vol 8, translated by [Cleopuffer](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fcleopuffer.livejournal.com%2F1298.html&t=ZTEyZGQ3YjMwYTU5Nzg2ODk4NjRkMWMwNjQyNjgzMmZmYjQ3NDAwMix0bzMwRkRleA%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F121351397326%2Fizaya-is-in-unrequited-love-with-shizuo-theory&m=1)

Vol 12 snippet, found [here](http://erencchi.tumblr.com/post/52502356127)

Vol 13, SH Vol 1, translated by[ popsiclete](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpopsiclete.blogspot.sg%2F&t=MzNhOTAwMjI4ZTBmOGUyMjFkYWIwNTQ1NmVhMzQxMmZkYWM5ZWY0MSx0bzMwRkRleA%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F121351397326%2Fizaya-is-in-unrequited-love-with-shizuo-theory&m=1)

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___Izaya is in unrequited love with Shizuo theory_ _ _

___\- Shizuo’s monster status despite being human_ _ _

___\- Izaya can’t love Shizuo as a human_ _ _

___\- Izaya hating Saika who can love Shizuo as a human_ _ _

___\- Simon calling Izaya a coward (anime: with a Shizuo complex)_ _ _

___\- Shinra constantly trying to get Shizuo and Izaya to get along_ _ _

___\- Shinra telling Shizuo he doesn’t hate Izaya because Izaya is just true to his desires like Shizuo is true to his emotions_ _ _

___\- Shinra bringing up Izaya to Shizuo (and not Shizuo to Izaya)_ _ _

___\- Yodogiri bringing Shizuo up and catching him off guard, making him lose his control and unaware of the bad situation until he was stabbed_ _ _

___\- Izaya thinking of Shizuo in the hospital and wanting Shizuo ( _”him”_ ) to come visit him_ _ _

__- _“Though, that Russian’s daughter has become Shizu-chan’s subordinate.”  
__Covering his anxious feelings, the coated man slowly left.  
__“After all, humans are so interesting.”__ _

___The man smiled coldly and happily skipped along an empty road._  
_ _

__\- Izaya anxious about Vorona being Shizuo’s kouhai and being affected by Shizuo forgiving Masaomi_ _

__\- Shinra suggesting to Shizuo to ask Izaya for help with the Hijiribe Ruri stalker incident_ _

__\- Izaya envying Shinra for his love of Celty, of the thing he was seeing that he could ignore humans._ _

__\- Izaya wanting to be like Shinra ( _Shinra was probably something he should have aspired to be)_ with a ‘monster’ of his own. _ _

__- __Indeed, to me as well, you and Heiwajima Shizuo are hindrances to importing materials.’_  
 “Why…do you think Shizu-chan is a hindrance?”__ _

_\- Kujiragi bringing Shizuo up and catching him off guard, making him stop what he was doing and question her seriously on why she thinks Shizuo is a hindrance - and ends up knocked out by Slon, failing to notice he was possessed by Saika in time_

_\- Izaya bringing up the subject of love to Shizuo in their first meeting after so long ( _“I’ve probably said this before, but do you really think helping humans is going to make them love you?”)__

_\- Izaya seeing Shizuo as human at first ( _he felt an irrational anger towards the human Heiwajima Shizuo; as he noticed this in himself, Izaya asked a question._ )  
_

_\- Shizuo is the only human Izaya hates even though Shinra said Izaya can ‘love anything’ with his windsock, ‘empty cylinder’ _(That’s why any amount can go through the mouth. And he can love anything.“)__

_\- Izaya suffering so much by Shizuo not killing him and remaining human that Manami who wants revenge saves him _(“I heard a lot from Kishitani-sensei just now. About what you might hate.”)__

__-_ Izaya leaving Ikebukuro because he would rather die than be seen by him _(”Because I would rather die…than be seen by a monster.”)__

_\- Heiwajima Shizuo: Quiet Hero on a Peaceful Island_

_- _“A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might _immediately_ become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong.”__

_\- Izaya’s plan to start a war in Ikebukuro, “ _There’s no way out for you except to use force.”_  _

_\- Izaya wanting to take down an organization head on like Vorona to obtain the pinnacle of human excellence after his death match with Shizuo_

_\- Izaya being more honest and wanting to know more about humans after he accepts Shizuo as human because _‘his love, from a distance where he couldn’t be hurt, was impure’.__

__

_the sad life of orihara izaya and his unrequited love_

_Volume 1-3 (first season): Shizuo defeats Saika, Izaya tells Anri to cut Shizuo with Saika. Izaya gets punched and lectured by Simon for being a coward with his ‘Shizuo complex’_

__

__

Volume 4-6 (second season, first cour): Izaya frames Shizuo and gets stabbed by Yodogiri, losing control over his emotions and letting his guard down when Shizuo was brought up

Volume 7-10 (second season, second cour): Izaya asks Kujiragi seriously why she considers Shizuo a hindrance, ends up not noticing Slon is possessed by Saika and Kujiragi’s real intention until it’s too late. Is knocked out by Slon.

Volume 11-13: (second season, last cour): Izaya engages Shizuo in a death match and almost dies by his hand. Leaves Ikebukuro.

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___One reason I stand for Izaya being in unrequited love with Shizuo is the character development.  
  
The situation with Manami and Izaya saving her from suicide and her returning the favor just shows how much Izaya’s character has developed from the infallible mastermind he initially seemed. It shows how human Izaya has been shown to be. ___

> ____What were they thinking when they decided to die? Was there really no other way? Or perhaps, who did they want to die for? When people decided to die, just what kind of deep despair did they have in their hearts?____
> 
>  _ _ _Orihara Izaya loved humans more than anything else, and thus wanted rather badly to know the answers.___

 _ _To Izaya who loved humans, people’s despair in suicide was just another part of human observation.  
  
With Manami and her friend, he classifies them as only ‘junior high standard’ and forgets them because he’s seen it all before. __

 _ _But when he actually knows the answer, when he’s so deep in despair, when he’s so desperate to eliminate the pain and suffering that he’s willing to die trying to kill Shizuo and essentially commit suicide, he doesn’t know it.__

 _ _This could mean two things, he is unable to view himself objectively like he does humans because it’s become _personal_ like it was for Manami and her friend, or he doesn’t love himself (because he doesn’t consider himself human)__

 _ _And if it’s the former, it would be so ironic because he looked down on Manami and her friend for wanting to commit suicide because of common, ‘junior high standard’ problems like a failed relationship and being unable to find a job.__

 _ _But in the end he was just as human as them, and tried to commit suicide in his own way, wanting to prove Shizuo was a monster with his death so Shizuo would suffer at being rejected like he was.__

> ___–I don’t really care if I die.___
> 
>  _ _ _–But if it comes to that, I cannot let this monster live.___
> 
>  _ _ _–In a world I don’t exist, a monster like this, living amongst humans…___
> 
>  _ _ _–A monster with the mask of a human, quashing people with his strength…___
> 
>  _ _ _–Love, hope, malice, strategy, knowledge, technique, experience…___
> 
>  _ _ _–All humanity has accumulated - he destroys completely.___
> 
>  _ _ _“…yeah.”___
> 
>  _ _ _The words slipped from his mouth without thought.___
> 
>  _ _ _Brimming with dark emotions, his eyes narrowed, he spoke; but whether or not it was to himself - no one knew.___
> 
>  _ _ _Even the speaker, Izaya, himself.___
> 
>  _ _ _“I have to kill him after all, logic or no.”  
>  ___

__  
Love needs no reason. Love needs no logic. The feelings from love require no reason and logic.  
__

__If it was really because of Shizuo being a monster and living amongst humans that Izaya tried to seriously kill him, then why didn’t Izaya try to seriously kill him long ago? It seems more likely instead that it’s because of his own personal feelings that is driving him to want to kill Shizuo.__

 _ _ _Love, hope, malice, strategy, knowledge, technique, experience -_ this sounds oddly specific - and also sounds like things Izaya would have had destroyed by Shizuo. __

 _ _Romantic love for Shizuo (which destroys his equal love for humans if Shizuo were human), hope that Shizuo would return his love, malice because Shizuo doesn’t return his love (just like he’s occasionally malicious with his humans he loves), strategy in getting Shizuo to at least remember him ( _And just before he moved to Shinjuku, Izaya went and stirred up some trouble and pinned it on Shizuo as something to remember him by_ ). Knowledge on Shizuo _(”I don’t even wanna talk about him…for me, it’s enough to just have to know about him”),_ technique in dealing with him (but Shizuo is always unpredictable) and their experience together (violent though it may be, and Shizuo didn’t even come to kill him when he was in the hospital and forgot all about him)__

> ___Brimming with dark emotions, his eyes narrowed, he spoke; but whether or not it was to himself - no one knew.___
> 
>  _ _ _Even the speaker, Izaya, himself.___

 _ _Izaya’s feelings towards Shizuo are so inscrutable to even himself because he’s always viewed everything objectively in his equal love for humans.__

> ___“I see, I see, you are great. You may be able to see many humans objectively. I think you are perfect for a magazine reporter, you know?”___
> 
>  _ _ ** _\- Orihara Izaya, Epitome of Eighteen Histories_**__

 _ _Shizuo is the only one (besides Shinra) where it’s personal and he has personal feelings from a relationship. He doesn’t even know if he’s killing Shizuo, logic or not, for himself. He doesn’t even know if his feelings are for himself. Of if he knows, he can’t comprehend through all the suffering and he just wants to kill Shizuo to end the suffering.__

> ___“Ah~but I don’t like being hated by humans. I think I’ll just kill you.”  
>  ___
> 
> ___**\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 1**___

 _ _As I added in the[other analysis](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/156091437321/i-just-realized-something-random-izaya-said-hes#notes), if Izaya thought to kill a human he loves because he doesn’t like being hated by humans, it would make sense if he’ll _really_ try to kill the human he’s in love with because he doesn’t like being hated by him. __

__If Izaya doesn’t consider himself as one of his humans (maybe because he thinks he’s a monster), and his unrequited love for Shizuo is what makes him human, Shizuo would have completely destroyed Izaya’s ‘accumulated humanity’.  
  
__

__Another thing that is interesting is how Izaya’s dealing with a human backfired on him in the end.__

 _ _To Izaya, Manami and her friend were just humans, boring ones he didn’t even remember the names of. They produced nothing new, he looked down on them for their relationship and job problems and completely forgot about them. He didn’t even recognize Manami when she came to kill him.__

 _ _But, even though it was through the wrong method, Izaya did do a good deed. He saved the lives of Manami and her friend. He stopped people from committing suicide, which is the presumably right thing to do, questionably ethical methods or not.__

 _ _But whether it was a good deed to him or not, it was just part of his human observation where he loved every human equally. And because of that, he was unable to personally understand the emotions or even attempt to sympathize with the humans who were despairing so much they wanted to commit suicide.__

 _ _  
  
His hobby human observation which he did impersonally became involved in his personal life and feelings.__

 _ _Human feelings.__

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___I just realized something random.  
  
Izaya said he’s scared of death, but he was planning to die by Shizuo’s hand in order to prove he was a monster.  
___

___Manami and Kine saved him and Manami said:___

 _ _ _ _“I heard a lot from Kishitani-sensei just now. About what you might hate.”_  
___

__Shinra said:__

 _ _ _“He might seem cold-blooded, but he’s more human and his heart more brittle than anyone else. So much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal, it’d break easily.”_  
__

____“What he hates, would probably be… to feel real pain, or heat, or suffering, I think.”_  
___

_And then we have this scene:_

> __That man loves humans.__
> 
>  _ _No matter what result happens, he loves the “actions” and “thoughts” that humans create equally whether it’s malice or good intentions, bad deeds or good deeds.__
> 
>  _ _Manami understood that in just a couple of days and felt nauseous.__
> 
>  _ _—–To love everything equally means to love nothing.__
> 
>  _ _—–Love that is something egoistic. The depth will be determined by the difference from many others.__
> 
>  _ _Although that was an extreme idea, she thought that way at least.__
> 
>  _ _Because I was denied.__
> 
>  _ _It is too shallow of a reason to kill someone.__
> 
>  _ _However, to her, who gave up on her life for a reason she couldn’t remember, that was a rather natural way of thinking.__
> 
>  _ _Without hiding her hatred, she had been working for Orihara Izaya.__
> 
>  _ _While thinking only about how she could give the most “pain” to Izaya.__
> 
>  _ _\- Durarara Volume 11__

 _Egoistic. Manami is saying love concerns one’s ego, and the depth of that love is determined by the difference from many others. Since Izaya loves all humans _equally,_ it’s like loving nothing. The only exception is his hatred for Shizuo which concerns his ego._

 _Now let’s go back in time -_

> __“But it’s different for you. You’re doubtful about the afterlife, but you still want to die. Don’t tell me your religion teaches you to commit suicide, and even encourages to ‘kill yourself because you can’t find a job or because you’re having relationship problems’? If it was like that, then I have nothing to say. I would even think that you’re amazing—but if not, then just shut up.”__
> 
>  _ _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 1**__

 _So Manami wanted to give the most pain to Izaya because of what he did. And she went and asked Shinra who said Izaya would hate suffering or pain the most._

 _Her theory is that love is something egoistic and will be determined by the difference from many others. So she thinks Izaya’s love for humans is nothing, and Shinra’s words support her thinking._

> __“Which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity. You understand? Not to accept, not to face it. To avoid it. It’s something like how a windsock flies. On first sight mouth wide open, like he’s smiling and accepting everything, with a huge capacity… But in reality it’s a cylinder with no bottom. That’s why any amount can go through the mouth. And he can love anything.”_  
>  _
> 
> _**_\- Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 13_**_

 _So it’s possible that she saved Izaya because she recognized that he didn’t accept Shizuo as human - and that his feelings for Shizuo were different than his equal love for humans. She might have even thought it had something to do with ‘human love or betrayal’, because Izaya can avoid it all and love humanity except Shizuo._

 _And now let’s go back in time again -_

> __“I’ll never…forgive you! I’ll…kill you…!”__
> 
>  _ _On hearing this, Izaya grinned, and gently caressed the woman’s cheek.__
> 
>  _ _“Excellent. If you have the strength to hate, then you can live. I’m awesome. I saved your life. You have to thank me properly OK?”__
> 
>  _ _After confirming that the woman had lost consciousness, Izaya used a hand to stroke her temple and thought for a while.__
> 
>  _ _“Ah~but I don’t like being hated by humans. I think I’ll just kill you.”  
>  __
> 
> __\- Durarara Volume 1__

 _  
_

_He didn’t kill her of course because her hatred was not enough to affect him. Unlike Shizuo’s hatred for him._

 _Izaya loves humans and claimed he thinks he’ll just kill Manami because he doesn’t like being hated by humans. Izaya is trying to kill Shizuo (and is always talking about if Shizuo would just die). Shizuo’s hatred can affect Izaya unlike his humans’ hatred. Izaya loves humans, their hatred doesn’t affect him and his unrequited love for humanity. Shizuo hates him, his hatred affects Izaya who claims to not love Shizuo because he isn’t human, when he is._

 _If Izaya would think he’ll kill a human he loves because he doesn’t like being hated by humans, it would make sense if he’ll _really_  try to kill the human he’s in love with because he doesn’t like being hated by him._

 _  
_

_So let’s assemble all the pieces together:  
_

_Manami thinks loving equally is like loving nothing, and Shinra’s words support her thinking._

 _Manami saved Izaya because she wanted Izaya to feel suffering and pain._

> __The two women before him had chosen to die. One because she couldn’t find a job, and the other was because she hadn’t been able to recover from the blow of a failed relationship, and both were despairing as such.__

 _Manami could have wanted to kill herself because she ‘hadn’t been able to recover from the blow of a failed relationship’ (if she was not the woman who couldn’t find a job)_

 _Izaya said he thinks he’ll kill Manami because he doesn’t like being hated by humans and he loves humans, but he didn’t as her hatred didn’t affect him. Izaya always says Shizuo should just die and talks about killing him, him being dead, but never actually does anything substantial (poison, suffocation) to kill Shizuo. Until Volume 13, when he couldn’t take the suffering of unrequited love._

 _Izaya was ready to die by Shizuo’s hand even though he said he was scared of death._

 _Izaya was practically committing suicide in his death match with Shizuo._

> __“You’re the one that doesn’t understand. You don’t understand at all. You just said death was just a big piece of nothing, right? But, that’s not true at all. I guess you wanted to say, that you wouldn’t have any worries any more. But death is actually just disappearing. Your troubles won’t disappear, just your existence.”__

 _And Izaya told Manami that death doesn’t erase her worries, just her existence._

 _And yet now he’s fighting Shizuo, practically committing suicide._

 _And from Manami’s view, Shizuo is the only one he has feelings that are not equal love for humans to. Shizuo is the only one he doesn’t have love that is ‘nothing’ for._

 _Shizuo is the only one Izaya has feelings ‘different from many others’ for. Izaya’s feelings for Shizuo might have been to Manami, a love that is egoistic. Her extreme thinking about love may imply that she’s the woman who ‘hadn’t been able to recover from the blow of a failed relationship’._

 _And what were Izaya’s last words she heard before the sleeping drug took over?_

> __“Excellent. If you have the strength to hate, then you can live. I’m awesome. I saved your life. You have to thank me properly OK?”_  
>  _

_It seems like Manami is throwing his own words back at him - that Izaya can’t be willing to die just yet because of his egoistic feelings for Shizuo that is different from his ‘nothing’ love for humans. That he can’t die just because of his impulsive feelings from a failed relationship._

> __“Well, before you die, at least thank the person behind. She helped move you while Shizuo was blinded.”__

 _Manami knows what is is like to suffer so much to want to commit suicide. She knows the kind of suffering and pain. Whether influenced by her own experience or not, she knows Izaya would suffer from having whatever feelings he has towards Shizuo, ‘human love or betrayal’ - because he didn’t die by Shizuo’s hand, didn’t manage to ‘commit suicide’._

 _She knows whatever feelings towards Shizuo that are breaking Izaya’s brittle heart would remain if he lived. She saved Izaya from committing suicide just like he did for her, so he would feel the same pain and suffering as she did. And since he has the strength to hate Shizuo and the suffering Shizuo gives him from his possibly unrequited love, he can live.  
  
And perhaps it is also her twisted way of thanking Izaya for saving her life. She had been denied death but in it found a reason to live. If Izaya saving her when she wanted to commit suicide warranted thanks, then she paid him back by saving him when he wanted to commit suicide. _

 _Even though she said she would kill Izaya, it seems she just wanted to give him the most ‘pain’, make him feel what it was like to be denied suicide, perhaps because she saw him as ironically having a failed relationship like her._

 _And if so it would be just glorious because it’s from way back in Volume 1 and it just shows how everything is connected in the twisted love story._

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___I was reading the unrequited love theory. I have a bit of a writer’s block at the moment and the important thing I’ve got to do involves writing, synthesis of information like I do for my theories, so I was trying to find some inspiration.___

 _ _ _And this part caught at me -___

 _ _ _  
___

> ____-To think… Such a stupid end.  
>  As he saw Vorona point the gun at him, Izaya felt a great disappointment.  
>  But he smiled, somewhat as if he had given up, and looked straight at Vorona.  
>  -It’s all right; I’ll allow this. Because I love humanity.  
>  “…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”____
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 13___
> 
>  _ _ _  
> ___

__Previously I said Izaya’s words could be to himself since he was looking straight at Vorona who could be a reflection of Izaya.__

 _ _But with Izaya’s novel where he admits Shizuo is human and the situation, it’s more likely those words were directed to Shizuo instead.__

> __“…do it, monster.”__
> 
>  _ _ _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 13**___

 _ _‘Cause the situation was Izaya trying to prove Shizuo was a monster, and Shizuo was about to kill him and really become a monster.  
__

__He only stopped because Vorona intervened, preventing him from killing Izaya and becoming a monster.__

> __“Shizuo-senpai - is human.”  
>  __
> 
> ___**\- Vorona, Durarara Volume 13**___

 _ _  
__

__So she tries to kill Izaya instead, who can’t escape.__

 _ _Izaya thinks it’s such a stupid end, and then he says this__

> ___“…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”_  __

 _ _  
__

__Now this was the first ever theory for Durarara which I wrote, so my information base was different back then. So I theorized Izaya had said this to himself and admitted he was not a god but a human. But I’ve realized long ago that Izaya never considered himself a god, although he doesn’t include himself in the humans he loves (maybe because he doesn’t love himself?) he has been, in all his rights, a human eternally true to his own desires - as the narration has often described.__

 _ _So if Izaya wasn’t saying this to himself, or Vorona since he didn’t have any expectations of her, who was he saying it to?__

 _ _Shizuo.__

 _ _But why would Izaya admit Shizuo is human after declaring him a monster in his ‘do it… monster?’__

 _ _It’s because of Vorona.__

 _ _Consider the situation.__

 _ _Izaya wanted Shizuo to kill him so Shizuo would become the monster he wanted him to be.__

 _ _But Vorona prevented him from doing so, so Shizuo remains human.__

 _ _Let’s look at this part again__

> ___-To think… Such a stupid end.  
>  As he saw Vorona point the gun at him, Izaya felt a great disappointment.  
>  But he smiled, somewhat as if he had given up, and looked straight at Vorona.  
>  -It’s all right; I’ll allow this. Because I love humanity.  
>  “…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 13___

 _ _  
__

__Why was Izaya disappointed?__

 _ _Because he had wanted to die by Shizuo’s hand so Shizuo would become the monster he wanted him to be.__

 _ _But then why did he say he’d allow it?__

 _ _Because he loves humanity.__

 _ _Let’s go back to Vorona. Why did she intervene, say Shizuo was human, and tried to kill Izaya?__

 _ _Because she wanted Shizuo to remain human. And she wanted that because he had helped her and inspired her and he was the senpai she admired, and they had a friendship. In order to protect her senpai and friend, Vorona tried to kill Izaya so Shizuo could remain human and not become a beast like her.__

> __“I have, from the very start… been a beast that enjoys killing.”__
> 
>  _ _ ** _\- Vorona, Durarara Volume 13_**__

 _ _  
__

__So Vorona’s motivation was because of the relationship she and Shizuo share, as friends, as senpai and kouhai. And so for once she acted not for herself, but for another human being.  
__

__And Izaya sees this. Izaya with his dealings of human relationships sees this clearly -__

> ___“Iya, Shizu-chan. Even this method doesn’t kill you, ne? Incredible, you’re really a monster. It’s delirious, to think that you could even protect humans in that state.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“I’ve probably said this before, but do you really think helping humans is going to make them love you? Aah, or do you have some special feelings towards that Vorona girl? Originally, I thought you were a lolicon who’d become infatuated with the little lady of the Awakusu-kai.”___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 12_  
>  __

__  
__

__Izaya noticed Shizuo is getting closer to - and forming relationships with humans (and leaving him behind). And so he taunted Shizuo, that helping humans is not going to make them love him.__

 _ _But it did. Well maybe not love, but both Vorona and Akane admire him very much and Vorona, who ironically grew closer to Shizuo than Akane did, cared for him and wanted to protect him. And it’s because of that that Izaya failed to prove Shizuo was a monster, for Shizuo was human and did form real, genuine relationships with other human beings - one of whom ruined his last plan.__

 _ _But instead of resenting like he did with Shizuo ignoring him, Izaya chose to accept it. He chose to accept it graciously as merely one of his human’s choices affected by their relationship, instead of resenting the friendship Vorona has with Shizuo. Because if he didn’t, if he had resented her like he had resented Shizuo, he would be affected by his own personal feelings - becoming like any one of his humans.__

> ___\- It’s all right; I’ll allow this. Because I love humanity._  
>    
>  __

__But by returning to his platonic love for humanity and putting aside his feelings from his unrequited love for Shizuo, Izaya chose to embrace the human being he is at his impending moment of death, accepting the friendship Shizuo and Vorona shared even if it got in the way of his _own relationship._ I think this part is especially important. Since Izaya is able to love all humans equally because he shuns all relationships yet the one he has with Shizuo almost led him to his death - but he ‘gave up’ on it in the last moment when he was about to die by Vorona’s hand in order to return to his true self of loving humans. It’s kind of bittersweet.__

 _ _  
__

> __“…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”__
> 
>  _ _ _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 13**___

 _ _  
__

__At this point Izaya has failed for the last time to prove Shizuo is a monster, so he has to inevitably accept Shizuo as human. Not only that, the reason he failed to do so was because of Shizuo’s relationship with Vorona, as friends, as co-workers, as senpai-kouhai. Shizuo was able to form a human relationship with Vorona and connect to her on a human to human level - to the extent that she wanted to protect him.__

 _ _Because of that, Shizuo and Izaya’s death match was disrupted. It is no longer about Shizuo and Izaya anymore like it had always been, it’s about Izaya, and Shizuo **and** the people who care about him like Vorona. It’s no longer about the unstoppable force and the immovable object. It’s about the immovable object and the no longer unstoppable force. Shizuo has come a far cry from his selfish nature earlier in the game, he has protected and taken care of people who want to return the favor, he’s formed relationships with people as a human. __

 _ _Shizuo has become a human. As human as anyone anywhere who has human relationships, just a run of the mill human being.__

 _ _And Izaya hasn’t changed.__

 _ _And if Shizuo is not a monster, if Shizuo is human, then Izaya must love him because Izaya loves humans.__

 _ _He must accept that because Shizuo is human, his hatred for Shizuo is actually love.__

 _ _That he loves Shizuo on a different level than he loves his humans - enough to hate him for not loving him back.__

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__And so in his moment of death, when he couldn’t escape and had given up on proving Shizuo was a monster  –__

 _ _W _hen his existence as Orihara Izaya, the human who loves all humans equally, was about to be erased  –___

 _ _Izaya finally admitted Shizuo was human - the human he loved.__

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___Well I’m glad they make Shizaya sound logical. ‘Cause one of the reasons I wanted to share my theories especially the unrequited love one is because I wanted to make a logical, valid statement for Shizaya. How to say this. Shizaya is often brushed off as a yaoi pairing and impossible in canon, even to those who ship it. And yes it is reasonable to say that because well they’re enemies and hate each other. That is a fact in canon that even Shizaya shippers can’t deny._ _ _

___That’s why I wanted to show how despite the apparent hate, Shizaya is still possible. Not the lovey-dovey type or yaoi type, but an improvement in their relationship. However, I was pretty sure at the start that Izaya didn’t hate Shizuo. I just didn’t have any evidence to construct a theory until volume 13\. Like, I knew somehow Izaya didn’t hate Shizuo as much as he says, but couldn’t point out why. I learnt a lot about Izaya in the course of Shizaya, writing my perceptions out in my stories but it wasn’t until Volume 13 that all the information I had gathered on Izaya culminated together into the unrequited love theory, in a burst of intuition._ _ _

___It’s not as if people didn’t look for hints of Shizaya in the novels. Back then I read some stuff, some Shizaya moments and why it’s ‘canon’. And it’s intuitive, like they shared so many moments, they’re always thinking about each other, etc. So it’s ‘canon’. They’re fun to read, but they’re not – they’re not really related to the progression of their relationship or something? They’re just moments which may or may not be taken seriously as Shizaya ‘evidence’. Like, they’re just information about Shizaya._ _ _

___Just like how there’s information about Shizuo, and information about Izaya, but it doesn’t really tell me anything about the character. For example, ‘Shizuo loves sweet things’, ‘Izaya loves humans’. These facts don’t really tell me anything, so they’re more like my reliable information base instead. Like, Izaya loves humans, then I’ll use this to think through on _why_ he loves humans – which will then allow me to learn about his character. Shizuo loves sweet things – could it be because his tastes are like a kid’s because he never got the chance to be a kid? Like Varona loves sweet things too, and Drakon said mentally she’s still a child._ _ _

__Like I thought on how to convert information into knowledge. Same with ‘Shizaya moments’, I really appreciated them being laid out to give some support for Shizaya, but I needed to go to another level. I wasn’t satisfied with what Shizaya fans have, because Shizaya fans are dissed and looked down upon a lot. I couldn’t even watch a Shizaya video peacefully and read the comments of Shizaya fans like me without the enjoyment being ruined by some anti-yaoi/anti-shizaya fan._ _

__And don’t even get me started on the comments on the anime itself. Especially with the whole deal with Varona. Not only is it so sad to see my little crow being treated in such a way, it often turns into an argument between fans. Varona is claimed to be Shizuo’s love interest from people who read the novel – people don’t even know who she is because they never read the novel so they start to hate her because she ‘got in the way’ of their ship – it makes Varona and Shizuona fans angry and so they diss Shizaya saying how it’s impossible and disgusting – and Shizaya fans diss them back. It happens the other way around too. Many Shizaya fans just didn’t like Varona, period, because she’s a woman with Shizuo, even if they’ve read the novels. This of course angers Varona and Shizuona fans who insult Shizaya in return and again it becomes a ship war._ _

__Even with Ketsu – maybe not here but comments in the anime there’s a huge fuss about Varona and Shizaya. What does Varona even have to do with this, seriously? Have people forgotten she was an independent assassin for like, I don’t know, at least 10 years of her life before she even met Shizuo? That she was Shizuo’s enemy _and_ reminded him of Izaya before she was his kouhai?_ _

__So anyway it was just really tiring and that’s why I decided to share my theory. It may not change the situation in anime sites, since they’re of a different sort. But really, those comments can be really discouraging. That’s why I wanted Shizaya fans to have something, a theory of some sort, to see how Shizaya can be logical and not just a fantasy ship as it’s portrayed to be. I wanted to make a valid statement for Shizaya, in the novels, in canon. And that’s also why I wanted to share my love for Varona, and show how she not only helps Shizuo but Shizaya as well. So people can appreciate Varona’s character._ _

__It may only be one person, but I was really happy when I got a message from a former Shizaya hater since years ago, saying they hated Shizaya and thought Shizaya didn’t have a chance of being canon in the past but now they believe in it and even look forward to it happening. I never meant to ‘convert’ anyone with my theories. But I was happy, because I was able to provide a different view to Shizaya as I had wanted to do, to get people to respect and see that, canon or not, maybe it is not so impossible as it seems. I did not necessarily want people to agree with me. I just wanted acknowledgement for Shizaya fans to show that, look – we have our reasons for shipping and loving and believing in Shizaya even in the novels, in canon, _even_ with Volume 13 and Shizuo and Izaya’s death match, so please respect our ship._ _

__That’s why I think the unrequited love theory doesn’t just belong to me – it belongs to the fandom. That’s why I don’t think it’s amazing. That’s why I think what’s amazing is that the Shizaya fandom was able to read the whole theory which was like almost 5000 words, spread it around in tumblr and places outside tumblr to other Shizaya fans, accept it and adopt a different point of view for canon Shizaya and have hope and faith in our ship despite the heartbreak of Volume 13. That is what is amazing to me. The paradigm shift, the revolution in the fandom. This faith and belief. Even before the scene with SH where Shizuo talked to Celty about getting along with Izaya, and Orihara Izaya and the Sunset where Izaya was revealed to be unregistered director of a detective agency, came out. Yeah I alone wrote the theory without any discussion with anyone – but the amazing impact it has had on the Shizaya fandom – no, even the Durarara fandom perhaps, wouldn’t have been possible without you guys. You guys are the amazing ones._ _

__Well anyway, SH. Yeah Shizuo and Izaya’s relationship is definitely going to change, as I’ve illustrated with the ask before this. About Shizuo being smarter than he believes – well, I’m not sure but, Shizuo could know he’s smart. Not in a ‘I’m smart’ kind of way, but in a sort of unconscious way, like…_ _

> ___…!_ _ _
> 
> ___I see…so this is what it’s all about._ _ _
> 
> ___That flea…he tried to use Akane to kill me…and when that failed, he even had the guts to hire someone else to silence Akane…_ _ _
> 
> __His resulting analysis was half-wrong, however –_ _
> 
> ___He thinks I’m that stupid…_ _ _
> 
> ___H E  T H I N K S  I ’ M  T H A T  S T U P I D  T H A T F U C K I N G  F L E A  B A S T A R D !_ _ _
> 
> __-          Durarara Volume 6_ _

__So yeah if Shizuo thinks Izaya thinks he’s that stupid and he gets angry at that, maybe he knows he is not that stupid – to know that Izaya would think he’s stupid. He’s smart enough to comprehend Izaya’s perception of him. Like usually in comedic situations when people call a person an idiot, the idiot will not know people think he’s an idiot because well, he’s an idiot (or seems to be). This doesn’t seem to be the case with Shizuo, since he knows Izaya would think he’s stupid and he gets angry at Izaya underestimating him so much because he really is not that stupid._ _

__And to Varona –_ _

> __“Hey, I’m no moron myself, you know. One look at that rider suit, and I knew.”_ _

__It’s like Shizuo knows and maybe is used to people seeing him as an idiot or thinking he’s stupid or too dense to notice. Unlike with Izaya, there’s no anger because Varona didn’t look down on him to insult him, so he knows it’s just her perception (and others’) of him. There was also one part where Shizuo said to someone people shouldn’t call others stupid but he’s stupid so he’ll say it anyway – that they’re stupid. If you think about it, well, to know that he’s ‘stupid’ will require him to consider the perception of other people in relation to his own and that definitely requires intelligence. Just like how when tricking suicidal girls, Izaya considers their perception of him as nice and benevolent and knows that it is flawed – that’s why he can trick them into thinking so while knowing he’s a horrible person and looking forward to their reaction when their expectations are overturned._ _

__‘Cause remember, Shizuo was alone for most of his life growing up, if he was stupid he would have embarked on the wrong path, like becoming a gang member who talks nonsense because of stress or anger – but he’s mentally strong and sharp enough to recognize that would only bring his future to ruin (despite getting pissed off and beating up gangs). Shizuo isn’t the type to declare his intelligence or display it like Izaya, but he knows he’s not stupid either. Since he wrote that he wanted to be a detective in his graduation anthology in elementary school, after experiencing being shunned. A detective isn’t exactly a common job – if Shizuo was only thinking he could use his strength to catch bad guys, he would have written that he wanted to be a policeman. The skill of deduction is needed in detective work – and in deducing one’s deduction would be useful in detective work. So I think Shizuo does believe he is smart._ _

__Maybe. But to do that Shizuo would have to be a mastermind on his own first. If his intelligence is only expended because of Izaya’s encouragement, Izaya definitely wouldn’t be handing him his reins. For example Izaya was enthralled by Mikado’s manipulation because he didn’t actively train him to manipulate – Mikado already knew how to manipulate people, he didn’t need Izaya’s help, only the right situation which Izaya brought about. That’s why I think Izaya has a grudging respect for Shizuo – because Shizuo too independently deduces the roots of the seeds he’s planted in Ikebukuro. So well considering current circumstances, Shizuo needs to be a villain because only then will he only have himself to rely on._ _

__He didn’t say he would let someone tug his strings though. He said –_ _

> __“You have to love humans more. That way maybe one day you’ll be able to meet someone whom you would be dying to be used by. I haven’t met such a person yet, but since I’m in love with all humankind I believe I can survive on my masochist’s pleasure alone even if I’m used.”_ _
> 
> __-          Durarara Izaya Gaiden_ _

__Well love is selfish (desires twisted to love theory) but the act of loving could be selfless (you care more about the other person than yourself). So rather than wanting someone to tug on his strings, it’s more likely Izaya wanted someone who would use him (see scene in Volume 9 with Shiki about using him as an information broker). Although he says ‘masochist’, Shinra says Izaya hates suffering, so I don’t think Izaya means suffering or pain. He probably is talking about the gratification at degradation imposed by humans instead, because as he says, he’s a horrible person and deserves to be hated._ _

__As for that someone he would be dying to be used by, I’m just guessing here but, since he loves humans because humans exceed his expectations and because of human potential and so he’s a ‘masochist’ with humans, he’s talking about a human with great potential and intelligence that exceeds his expectations so much that he even uses Izaya, and allows Izaya to directly observe his human potential as he allows himself to be used in his selfless love. It’s just like, in human observation – well, Izaya observes, he would rather be the passive party and receive all those impressions and he only takes action when he needs to._ _

__And since Izaya said he hasn’t ‘met such a person yet’ but since he is ‘in love with all of humankind’ so he can survive, perhaps this is Izaya’s form of romantic love._ _

__So yes, Shizuo could be that human Izaya would be ‘dying to be used by’ – just not in his current condition. Since he almost died by Shizuo’s hand and all. They’d have to reconcile before Izaya can even think of his ‘masochist’s pleasure’ dream._ _

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
yes yes.. I was talking about unrequited love, sadly tumblr didn't let me write all I wanted to say so I had to cut the message there. But really... that was so interesting to read. I mean, I'm agree specially about the last lines of the vol. 13 ... You know... them are so intriguing, I also thought it were talking about Izaya, but the "twisted love" part confuses me A LOT. I also like to think that Narita is talking about all the characters in that part... [..]  


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Ah I see. Haha well I guess it depends on your interpretation? 

But to me I think it’s talking about Izaya because ‘the twisted love story closes its curtains’ once Izaya has left Ikebukuro, ‘For their love is no longer twisted.’ 

> _The twisted love story closes its curtains._

 _  
_

> _This is a twisted story.  
>  A twisted love story.  
>  With the neigh of an urban legend,  
>  with the tears of a boy,  
>  with the return of the ordinary,  
>  with the disappearance of the mastermind,  
>  and with the hints of a new story beginning -  
>  the story of twisted love now closes its curtains._

 _  
_

> _For their love is no longer twisted._

I mean the arrangement is quite interesting to me çause it would make more sense to put it like this -

 _This is a twisted story.  
A twisted love story.  
With the neigh of an urban legend,  
with the tears of a boy,  
with the disappearance of the mastermind,  
___with the return of the ordinary,  
___and with the hints of a new story beginning -  
__the story of twisted love now closes its curtains._

 _ _For their love is no longer twisted._  _  


  


Like, the mastermind disappears so the ordinary returns and so a new story begins, would make more sense right? ‘Cause the way it’s written seems like it should be taken one line at a time (except maybe the 2nd and 3rd last lines ‘cause there’s ‘and’) . Then it would more likely to be referring to all characters, ‘cause their ordinary life has returned because the mastermind disappeared and no longer controls their lives and relationships, so their love is no longer twisted. So I’d like to think putting the disappearance of the mastermind after and not before the ordinary returns may have some significance.   


  


> _This is a twisted story.  
>  A twisted love story._ 

>  _with the disappearance of the mastermind,  
>  and with the hints of a new story beginning -  
>  the story of twisted love now closes its curtains._ 

>  _ _For their love is no longer twisted._ _  
> 

  


If put this way, doesn’t it kind of sound like ‘their’ is referring to the mastermind or Izaya? Reminds me of the time Izaya said he would be outside the curtain lol. Also after the line of the twisted love story closing its curtains at the beginning of the novel, the chapter starts off with a flashback to Izaya talking to Shinra about Shizuo (or the other way around, really), and how Izaya felt ‘an irrational anger towards the human Heiwajima Shizuo’.

Anyway I just find the phrasing interesting I guess? Like why mention it’s a twisted story first before saying it’s a twisted love story? Why not just say it’s a twisted love story? As if there’s emphasis on the twisted story being one of love.

And if the twisted story of love closes its curtains after the mastermind leaves, wouldn’t it mean all along the twisted story was his doing? Like without Izaya there wouldn’t be a ‘twisted story’ right? He’s the one in charge of the story in Ikebukuro after all. 

And if that ‘twisted story’ he creates is one of twisted love, and the story of twisted love closes its curtains ‘for their love is no longer twisted’ then well, I think ‘their’ would be referring to the mastermind, Izaya - and his twisted love for Shizuo no longer being twisted once he accepts Shizuo as human because Izaya loves humans, and Shizuo has the greatest human potential of all.

Of course the reading part is all up to interpretation since it’s all clumped together so people read it in different ways lol. But I interpreted it that way ‘cause Izaya created the story in Ikebukuro, as the mastermind.

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
Hi! You know how Izaya always is (or was) like 'No Shizuo you're not allowed to be human you're a monster'? I never understood why Izaya was so determined on Shizuo being a monster. Was it an excuse to not love him? Was it because of his strength? Because he couldn't controll him? What makes it more interesting is your unrequited love theory. It actually almost has to be a connection there? Why would Izaya (unless in extreme (love) denial) be so keen on Shizuo being a monster? What do you think?  


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Hm. Since Izaya saw Shizuo as human in the past before I’m going with the unrequited love theory. So yeah, it’s an excuse to not love him. Though it could partly be because he couldn’t control him - how to say, I think that’s a valid reason, for Izaya to get frustrated and label Shizuo as a monster. 

But how do I say this? I don’t think it’s the real reason, because Izaya doesn’t want to control humans. In fact, Izaya’s purpose in manipulating his humans is to not entirely control them but give them a push, so to say, and see which path they will take. That’s why whichever path they take, he’s fine with it. If they follow his expectations, he will be amused, and if they don’t, he will be amused as well as a little more interested, which is why he always loves it when humans surpass his expectations. So whichever path humans take, however they turn out to be, Izaya can accept that and so he can love all humans equally.

So it wouldn’t make sense for Izaya to label Shizuo as a monster purely because he can’t control and make use of him. Because Izaya himself has said that he loves it when humans surpass his expectations - or, when humans are unpredictable, like how Manami defied his expectations completely. Shizuo is the one who defies his expectations the most, so it’s kind of contradictory for Izaya to call him a monster based on his own human loving policy, don’t you think?

Actually the connection is already there in my unrequited love theory, that Izaya loves humans and so when Shizuo remains human because he didn’t kill him, Izaya has no choice but to admit his love for him. And considering that he can love all humans except Shizuo even though Shizuo has been proven to be clearly human, there must be some undesirable thing in his feelings for Shizuo for Izaya to not want to admit he’s human. I summarized this in another post -

 **Human Shizuo - > Personal undesirable consequence for Izaya -> Undesirable because it’s something he hates -> Shinra says he hates real suffering and pain -> Shizuo causes him suffering and pain which is why he hates Shizuo because he hates how Shizuo makes him feel **

**Izaya refuses to say he loves Shizuo like he loves his humans - > Izaya has unrequited love for his humans but isn’t affected by their rejection and them ignoring him -> (but unrequited love is supposed to be painful) -> Izaya is affected by Shizuo not caring about his existence, it hurts him when Shizuo is moving on unlike when his humans do -> (See how Shinra says he hates suffering and pain) -> Izaya hates Shizuo because Shizuo causes him suffering and pain because he is in unrequited love with Shizuo which hurts him unlike his unrequited love with his humans whom he loves equally. **

**If Izaya admits he’s in love with the very human Shizuo, he wouldn’t be able to love _all_ humans equally anymore because his love for Shizuo would be on a higher level than his love for his humans -> Betrayal of his only goal in life, a _personal_ undesirable consequence for Izaya -> Izaya must hate him (and it’s not hard to with Shizuo ruining his life _plan_ )**

I wrote this in reply to a question in a reblog about Vorona. I theorized she was Izaya’s reflection, because of their many similarities. Here’s the [post](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/125268520636/you-really-are-a-genius-honestly-i-agree-with) if you want to read it.

  


So yeah Izaya always says he loves all humans equally. So for him to hate Shizuo even though he’s human, doesn’t make sense - unless it’s not actually hatred but love. Because Shizuo is human, so Izaya must love him. And if Izaya can’t love him and hates him for no real reason _even though Shizuo is human_  then wouldn’t it make sense for Izaya to actually be in love with him? 

That would explain why he claims to hate Shizuo - not only because he’s in unrequited love, but because _he’s in love._ He’s in love with one particular human. And Izaya has always tried to avoid that (see Shinra’s comment about his heart breaking if it takes in human love or betrayal) not only because of what’s in parenthesis, but the simple fact that _if he’s in love with one particular human,_ _he, Orihara Izaya, does **not** love all humans equally - betraying his life philosophy._

  


So, “No Shizu-chan, you’re not allowed to be human. You’re a monster.”- is because, whether he will admit it or not, Izaya is in love with Shizuo. That’s why he says Shizuo is a monster. To get rid of Shizuo’s ‘human status’ so he wouldn’t betray his only goal in life. And so he hates Shizuo, because Shizuo is a monster and Izaya loves only humans. 

That’s why Izaya finally left Ikebukuro. Because he realizes Shizuo really hates him, and this time he has no “You’re a monster, so I can’t love you because I love only humans.” defence - because Shizuo _didn’t kill him and remains human._

> _“In the end, it might have been thanks to her that I’m still human… I missed my chance to thank her…”_
> 
>  ** _Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 13 (Epilogue)_**

  


After all, it’s not as if it’s completely unexpected. The anime didn’t show it but in the novel, Izaya was thinking about Shizuo a lot in the hospital. Manami even mentioned Shizuo, and it gave Izaya the energy to get out of bed and counterattack -

> _“Oh, or are you going to scream for help? I don’t mind…… Taking you as a hostage, then embarrassing you on the news tomorrow morning sounds like a good idea. The Naked King, who fancied himself an information broker of Shinjuku, killed by a girl!…… Or something like that. Don’t you think that bartender guy you hate so much would be overjoyed about it?_
> 
>  _The girl smiled as she questioned him…_
> 
>  _And Izaya, forgetting about the pain running through his open wound, smiled cheerfully, and spoke back._
> 
>  _“Nah, Shizu-chan doesn’t even watch the news, anyway. Because if something happened that pissed him off, he’d end up breaking the TV, you see?”_

And -

> _As soon as he confirmed that the news of his stabbing had reached the entire area around Tokyo, Izaya’s anxiety suddenly had one single focus._
> 
>  _\- So.  
>    
>  \- If the news had been aired this morning……  
>    
>  Considering how fast the guy usually moved, it was about time that he found this hospital.   
>  _
> 
> _  
> _

> _\- So. Who’s gonna come?  
>    
>  The room was illuminated by only the pitiful light that came from the corridor and the stars outside the window. In the silence that was almost complete, Izaya involuntarily raised his face.  
>    
>  \- If it’s “him”, he’d probably have come charging all the way here without a second thought.  
>    
>  The corner of Izaya’s mouth relaxed ever-so-slightly despite his anxiety as he thought about the monster in the bartender suit.  
>  _
> 
> _  
> _

> _\- Who could that be?  
>    
>  \- There was no way “he” would sneak in like this. The Russian duo would never have let their footsteps be heard._  
> 

  


Annddd you get the point lol. When he’s in the hospital, immobilized and alone, the one he thinks of the most is Shizuo. And ‘he’, ‘him’ - as if Shizuo is a special presence in his mind, as if he thinks of Shizuo in a different way from his other humans. Izaya expected, wanted Shizuo to come. And so when Shizuo didn’t, and is just going on as always, Izaya is undeniably hurt - and I think you can refer back to my theory here.

Shizuo not coming even if it’s just to kill him affected Izaya so much that he almost forgot about his love for humans -

> _“YET! LOOK AT THIS! LOOK AT THIS, ME! LOOK AT THIS AND REMEMBER, ME! HUMANS - ARE FANTASTIC!!“_
> 
>  _ **Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 7**_

If it’s really as Izaya says and it’s only because of Celty’s head, then why did he become so affected when he got out of the hospital and saw Shizuo going on as always? There has to be a link here.

And here’s my theory - Izaya’s unrequited love for humans stems from his unrequited love for Shizuo.

> _“Isn’t it interesting? You said you liked humans, Orihara-kun, so I thought you might be interested.”_
> 
>  _ **Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 13**_

Notice Shinra didn’t say ‘love’. So it could be Izaya doesn’t love humans yet. It could be that Izaya fell in love with Shizuo, the human with the most human potential - and fell in love with human potential. But Shizuo doesn’t love him back, and he dealt with his unrequited feelings by pushing them all onto humanity - by directing his unrequited love towards humans, because loving humans platonically, one-sidedly, doesn’t hurt, unlike loving Shizuo. 

  


Of course it’s not that Izaya doesn’t truly like humans. He does, and he’s definitely interested in them from what we’ve seen of his middle school years. But I don’t think his love for humans really started until after he met Shizuo and fell in love with the one human who surpassed his expectations beyond his wildest imagination. And so his love for humans is twisted but true, because he truly loves Shizuo.

That’s why it’s a twisted love story - because Izaya twisted his love for Shizuo into the embodiment of his being - human potential, and ended up loving humanity because of his twisted love for Shizuo, the human with the most human potential.

  


Izaya hated Shizuo - because he hated how Shizuo made him love him romantically - on a level above his platonic love for humans - and defy his life goal of loving all humans equally.

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___I finally got the chance to watch the latest episode -___

 _ _ _AND THEY INCLUDED THE IZAYAVARONA SCENE___

 _ _ _Omg I was apprehensive for one moment they were going to remove it like they did for the telephone pole scene! My hopes that they weren’t when I saw the opening weren’t unfounded!___

 _ _ ____

> ____“There’s been some strange movement so I’ve been going around checking, but it seems we’ve lost contact with Namie. We could’ve been beaten to the punch.”____
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya chuckled even as he conveyed this serious information to Slon.___
> 
>  _ _ _Unheeding that he would be heard by Vorona, who was still wary, he instructed Slon lightly.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Settle it by tomorrow morning. That way everything’ll be dealt with before this ex-partner you’re worrying about here becomes ‘their’ pawn.”___
> 
>  _ _ _It was not that he did not mind her hearing this. Rather, he had spoken deliberately so she could hear.___
> 
>  _ _ _Vorona believed this, and so furrowed her brow deeply.___
> 
>  _ _ _–How unpleasant.___
> 
>  _ _ _–What’s with this man.___
> 
>  _ _ _It was not that she felt any clear malice against the man before her. She was merely overwhelmed by a premonition that he was ‘harmful’.___
> 
>  _ _ _Perhaps this was evidence that Vorona herself had been influenced by Heiwajima Shizuo and Tom, or even the city itself.___
> 
>  _ _ _But she did not detect her own emotions, and simply glared at Orihara Izaya with unhidden hostility.___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya seemed to be heartened by even this hostility; he smiled lightly at Vorona, and went on his way.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 10___

 _ _  
__

__And look:__

 _ ___

 _ _MY LITTLE CROW IS SMILING__

 _ _SHE’S SMILING__

 _ _SHE’S SO CUTEEEEE__

 _ _ _And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while___

 _ _ _‘Cause girl you’re amazing just the way you are ~_  
__

__xD__

 _ _Anyway now that I’ve seen the VaronaIzaya conflict I feel a bit more encouraged to write strike while the iron is hot now!__

 _ _  
__

__Though I still have some complaints like why did they cut out the Shizaya scenes and even Izaya’s serious question to Kujiragi of why she thinks Shizuo is a hindrance. Like, I felt that was a significant moment?__

> ___“By the way… it’d be fine if you’d just impersonated me in my own chatroom, but what’s with the ‘nya’? Was it just to bother me?”___
> 
>  _ _ _This was what intrigued him most about Kujiragi as a person.___
> 
>  _ _ _To Orihara Izaya, this question concerned him more than the matter of Namie’s safety – in reply, Kujiragi spoke, just as emotionlessly as before:___
> 
>  _ _ _‘Wasn’t it cute?’___
> 
>  _ _ _“…right now, I’m deciding what kind of a human you are.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Kujiragi’s voice had been even and unashamed; Izaya desperately suppressed his laughter.___
> 
>  _ _ _Even as his stomach cramped up, he continued asking, his voice shaking slightly:___
> 
>  _ _ _“What’s this? A hobby? So you weren’t trying to irritate me – you just wanted to make Kanra a cute girl? Kujiragi-san, you can’t be the type that spends your days off posing in front of a mirror by yourself with cat ears and a tail going ‘nyan☆’, right, nya?”___
> 
>  _ _ _This was very obviously a challenge.___
> 
>  _ _ _But after a period of silent consideration –___
> 
>  _ _ _With the same mechanical voice, Kujiragi replied, plainly:___
> 
>  _ _ _‘That doesn’t sound bad. I will try.’___
> 
>  _ _ _“Give me a break. My abdominal muscles will tear.”___
> 
>  _ _ _This side of Kujiragi was beyond even Izaya’s expectations, and for a moment he almost forgot completely about the fact that Namie was missing – but just a step before that he regained his reason, and took a deep breath as he asked once more.___
> 
>  _ _ _“So, do you want to tell me where Namie is?”___
> 
>  _ _ _‘I feel no need to. How many traffic incidents did you orchestrate for this?’___
> 
>  _ _ _“I’ll cause as many as need be, you know? The ones Niekawa-san cuts for me are all gangsters with something or other against me, so it’s no big loss. Even the worries of people who’ve become traffic criminals while being used are endearing to me, as a lover of humanity.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya murmured these immoral words, and continued brightly without pause for an answer.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Honestly, without Namie I’d take a very long time to deal with all the data. Besides, with how proud she is, I’m interested in what expression she’d make, in the moment she gets saved by someone she hates so bad.”___
> 
>  _ _ _‘I can hardly say your interests are healthy.’___
> 
>  _ _ _“I never thought I’d hear that from someone who traffics everything from humans to monsters. But it’s ironic; the Saika you sold to Kishitani Shingen went around and came back an enemy.”___
> 
>  _ _ _As he informed her of the greatest irony, Izaya opened the laptop placed on the simplistic table on the roof, and started on a separate task. He instructed Niekawa Haruna through a Skype chat to gather the delinquents under Saika’s control, and order them to abduct Kujiragi.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Sorry, but you’re a hindrance to observing the future of the Dollars.”___
> 
>  _ _ _‘Indeed, to me as well, you and Heiwajima Shizuo are hindrances to importing materials.’___
> 
>  _ _ _“…?”___
> 
>  _ _ _At the sudden mention of his rival, Izaya’s hands stopped.___
> 
>  _ _ _‘That’s why I must thank you, for setting Heiwajima Shizuo up, and having him brought to the police station. Thank you.’___
> 
>  _ _ _“Why… do you think Shizu-chan’s a hindrance?”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya felt a strange sense of foreboding, and questioned her seriously.___
> 
>  _ _ _‘If a human like Heiwajima Shizuo walks free, the “children” will lose their focus. Though, it seems Niekawa Haruna’s “children” have given up on him.’___
> 
>  _ _ _“…”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya fell silent; Kujiragi continued alone.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 10___

 _ _  
__

__Izaya’s whole attitude changed when Kujiragi mentioned Shizuo is a hindrance. This comes from the guy who almost forgot about his secretary’s welfare for a moment in lieu of his usual human observation. Izaya was so _wary_ that his hands automatically stopped from what he was doing even though he clearly can multitask. Which means the issue of Shizuo being a hindrance to Kujiragi is so important to him that Izaya needed his full concentration to hear what she had to say about Shizuo.__

 _ _My biases aside, I think this is a side of Izaya which would have been interesting to see. It would also show he is not invincible, he just has a strong instinct about situations. I think the ‘strange sense of foreboding’ is his Ni but his ‘concern’ about Kujiragi seeing Shizuo as a hindrance made him unable to pay attention until it was too late.__

 _ _Izaya needed ‘reason’ to remember that Namie, his secretary missing is an issue more important than his love of humans and observing them, but when it comes to Shizuo, he’s automatically wary.__

 _ _He didn’t need reason to think that Kujiragi’s words were important. Izaya acted on his _feelings.___

 _ _Logically, Izaya should be more worried about Namie than Shizuo. Not only is Namie his secretary and on his side, she’s not invincible or indestructible like Shizuo is and could be in real trouble. Shizuo has already fought Saika once and won, what reason is there to be concerned over Kujiragi saying Shizuo is a hindrance? How could someone like Kujiragi subdue someone like _Shizuo_? Even if she has Saika, Shizuo has beaten Saika before. __

 _ _And Izaya _didn’t know_ Kujiragi had Saika, in fact he _taunted Kujiragi, ‘ But it’s ironic; the Saika you sold to Kishitani Shingen went around and came back an enemy.’_ and ‘informed her of the greatest irony’. He clearly didn’t know Kujiragi was talking about Saika before she brought up Shizuo. __

 _ _Of course he could have had an inkling (his foreboding feeling) after Kujiragi thanked him for imprisoning Shizuo, but even before that he stopped what he was doing to concentrate on what Kujiragi was saying about Shizuo as a hindrance.__

 _ _It’s a very short scene, but it’s _extremely uncharacteristic_ of Orihara Izaya, especially when the narration said he’s more interested in Kujiragi as a person than Namie’s welfare. He’s relaxed enough with her, he smiles brightly even when not knowing what happened to Namie, but when Kujiragi mentions Shizuo is a _hindrance_ , he’s automatically wary and he questioned her _seriously_. __

 _ _Like -__

 _ _Shizuo’s safety (?) > Human observation of Kujiragi > Namie’s safety __

 _ _(And my Shizaya bias would say it’s like  
Romantic love>Platonic love>Friendship  
(hey they both are manipulative with their unrequited love))__

 _ _Because that’s really not how you feel towards an enemy. Izaya acted like someone more concerned about his enemy attacking someone he cares about or a loved one instead because he reacted like that when _Kujiragi mentioned Shizuo as a hindrance.___

 _ _(Also Kujiragi said him and Shizuo are ‘hindrances to importing materials’ - she mentioned Izaya was a hindrance as well but Izaya only asked (cared?) about Shizuo)__

 _ _And Kujiragi is the one, the other ‘mastermind’ who outsmarted him, who’s in charge of Yodogiri Jinnai who stabbed him and landed him in the hospital, _defeating_ him when his guard was down (ironically when ‘Yodogiri’ mentioned about getting Shizuo involved as well)__

> ___As Izaya’s thoughts became focused, his cell phone began to ring.___
> 
>  _ _ _Shiki from Awakusu-kai again?___
> 
>  _ _ _Thought Izaya as he looked at the phone - but the number displayed on the screen was one that rang no bell whatsoever.___
> 
>  _ _ _“…”___
> 
>  _ _ _Though he had a feeling that it wasn’t the best idea, Izaya answered the phone.___
> 
>  _ _ _A voice he had never known in his life came from the other end of the receiver.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Ahh, hello hello! Orihara Izaya-san, I presume?”___
> 
>  _ _ _It was an apparently well-mannered voice of a middle-aged man.___
> 
>  _ _ _Though taken aback, Izaya replied anyway.___
> 
>  _ _ _“…Yes, that’s me.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Ahh, I’m honored. Actually, I happen to have some humble opinions on you that I would like to pass on!”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Opinions?”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Well well, I was really upset. You blew up my plan by involving that monster Heiwajima Shizuo in this whole business with Awakusu-kai. Seriously, if Awakusu Akane had never known Heiwajima Shizuo in her life, I should have been able to carry out my plan much more smoothly. Your ‘pique’ against Heiwajima resulted in some monstrous loss on my part.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“…Who are you?”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Ahh, I am so sorry about that! I never meant to make it sound like I was_ _calling just to criticize you! It’s not really anything that you need to know my name for, but, now that you mention it, if you’d allow me to get closer to you in person and pass on my humble opinion…or, if you’d pardon me for being so impudent, allow me to ask you for one more thing…”___
> 
>  _ _ _“No, just tell me your name already.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya pressed on as he continued to walk with the crowds.___
> 
>  _ _ _But the person on the other end of the receiver seemed to have no intention to reveal his name.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Actually, it’s not so much a humble opinion…as it is a humble piece of advice…you’re a little too good-looking for your own good.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Huh? …Was that supposed to be a compliment?”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Ah, what I was trying to say was, it is really easy to notice you in a crowd. Your refined sense of fashion helps as well - it just kind of makes you stand out compared to everyone else. And I meant it as a compliment. Pardon me, I’m mostly saying this because I used to scout talents for a living, my eyes were especially trained for these attributes in a person. Therefore, since it is you we’re talking about, I don’t think trying to conceal yourself by blending into the crowd is a good idea.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“…”___
> 
>  _ _ _Something was wrong. Izaya felt a weird alarm sounding through his brain.___
> 
>  _ _ _“And now, about the thing I’m going to ask you for…”___
> 
>  _ _ _The man on the other end of the phone paused for a second -  
>    
>    
>  “It doesn’t have to be long, but would you be so kind as to fall asleep for me for a while? In the hospital?"   
>    
>    
>  That sentence was heard at the same time by both his left and right ears.___
> 
>  _ _ _The next thing Izaya knew, something was being driven into his body.___
> 
>  _ _ _"Really - you’ve been sniffing around for my information, right? Using that teenage couple? I get easily embarrassed, so would you please stop that?”___
> 
>  _ _ _The voice was heard next to both his left and right ear for only a nanosecond - now it was coming from only the cell phone like before.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Honestly, you need to stop that. A kid needs to learn to play only in his little garden…in Ikebukuro. Because If he runs outside, you never know when he might get hurt!”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya stopped in his tracks slowly at this sentence.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Anyhow, I didn’t twist the knife, so I don’t expect your life to be in danger.”___
> 
>  _ _ _As Izaya looked down, his gaze met blotches of red.___
> 
>  _ _ _“If you ever go over the edge again, this should serve as a first warning.”___
> 
>  _ _ _The moment he realized that it was the blood gushing from his side, Izaya muttered quietly.  
>    
>    
>  “Screw it…I underestimated him.”  
>  ___
> 
> ___\- Durarara Volume 6___

 _ _  
__

__It might be a coincidence, but Izaya seems to be a little careless whenever Shizuo is involved (without his intention), and _both_ times bringing Shizuo up (the first with Shizuo being involved but the second with Shizuo not being involved at all) makes him careless enough _to not see his impending defeat_. It distracted him enough for him to not be able to listen to his instinct before it was too late.__

 _ _ **  
**__

__**Before:**__

 _ ___

 _ _ **After:**__

 _ ___ _ ___

 _ _This change in expression is rather uncharacteristic for someone like Izaya, especially with the small gasp which accompanied it (1st to 2nd), as well as the hardening of his expression (2nd to 3rd) because Izaya isn’t one to reveal his feelings (potential weaknesses) on his expression, with how he’s always smiling at everyone and everything (even at Kujiragi).__

 _ _And in the novel, “…Who are you?”, “No, just tell me your name already.” are also things Izaya wouldn’t usually say. Because, well, they’re illogical. An information broker like Izaya doesn’t need to ask someone for their identity and name.__

 _ _And even if he needs to, he wouldn’t actually ask. Because again, that’s illogical and maybe even a little stupid for someone like Izaya - why would his enemy who’s been hiding in the shadows tell his name just because he asked? Izaya should know that, if his enemy was planning on telling him his name, he would have done so by introducing himself at the beginning or leaving off at the end (and Yodogiri did)__

 _ _But he _did_ ask. Even though it was not exactly a smart thing to do.__

 _ _So I can only think that Izaya’s worried or at least concerned, so much that he’s doing things he usually wouldn’t do.__

 _ ___

 _ _Look at Izaya’s face. This was before Yodogiri mentioned his good looks making him stand out in a crowd, Yodogiri is still talking about Shizuo here.__

 _ _Izaya is clearly displeased at Shizuo being brought into the conversation, from a guy he doesn’t even know the name of.__

 _ _Because that half grim, half troubled look is not like Orihara Izaya at all.__

 _ _He looks very human in this moment.__

 _ _  
__

__And even if he was wary for some reason like Shizuo being his enemy and prey, he shouldn’t have been wary then because it’s **Heiwajima Shizuo.** There’s no logical reason to be worried about his safety unless you’re someone who cares about him. __

 _ _  
__

__Also for the scene with Kujiragi, he himself landed Shizuo in jail, so he’s as ‘safe’ as can be, compared to the chaos happening in Ikebukuro.__

 _ _In fact, Izaya should have been more worried about _himself_ instead. Because he’s revealed Kujiragi as the mastermind, logically she must be planning something against him, and not Shizuo. Which she was. __

 _ _But because Izaya seemed more concerned about Shizuo than himself, he failed to see her true intention in mentioning Shizuo as a hindrance - she wasn’t planning to do anything to Shizuo, but was subtly implying she had her own Saika and control over it, which would have been ruined with Shizuo’s presence. But because Shizuo is in jail she has no need to worry about that, and her Saika-controlled minions can attack Izaya - like Slon.__

 _ _And Izaya is a very logical man. Yet he acted _illogically_  when Shizuo was mentioned as a hindrance.__

 _ _And that’s why I’m _so_ damndisappointed they didn’t include that scene. Because I dearly wanted to see the expression on Izaya’s face at his uncharacteristic moment.__

 _ _  
__

__  
__

__And that’s one of the complaints I have about this cour…I understand cutting scenes in interest of time but why cut out the revelation that Izaya framed Shizuo - isn’t it a link? Also as I said before it seems the only pairs which have their scenes in are Shinra and Celty and Izaya and Namie. Like, we didn’t even get to see the Shizuona scene in Volume 9 where she offers to kill Izaya for him? So how would anime only watchers know how she got the information that Izaya is Shizuo’s mortal enemy? It just seems like there’s some bias towards those two pairings here in the second cour to me.__

 _ _If they can put in the scene of Namie talking to Izaya after his meeting with Celty why not the actual pivotal scene for Izaya’s character development aka Izaya punching the telephone pole and losing control at the thought of hurting and betraying Shinra? Isn’t that more important than Namie’s usual Seiji-talk?__

 _ _Also -__

> ___“So it turned out that the Courier didn’t say anything. I think she noticed, though.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“This must be the thousandth time I’ve said it, but you really are the worst human being imaginable…I do hate that Headless Rider, but even I have to feel a little sympathy for her this time. After all, she didn’t seduce Seiji, the head did.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya turned his neck as he heard Namie’s voice on the other end of the phone and said, "Your standards for loving and hating are as clear-cut as ever. I knew from the start that there was no way she would just ask me to give the head back to her, though. I was more hoping to see if it would have any effects on the head…there’s none, though, at least none that I can see.“___
> 
>  _ _ _"How ironic. You keep telling everyone how much you love humans, yet you’re looking for hope in the world after death.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Actually it’s the other way around. I love humans, and that’s why I want to keep watching them forever.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“You think you’re a god or something?" Namie said in disgust.___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya, however, simply shrugged and shot back, "That’s not true. I never wanted to do anything to humans - I just want to observe them. Of course, if I can do a little bit of something to make things more interesting it would be even more ideal.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“That’s what a trickster god does. Do you think you’re Loki in Norse mythology?”___
> 
>  _ _ _“First Shiki-san and now you, is this some sort of mythology boom that I don’t know about?”___
> 
>  _ _ _The conversation went on for a while. After telling her what was to be done at work next, Izaya hung up the phone.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 9___

 _ _  
__

__Where’s the conflict with this pair? Izaya’s and Namie’s relationship is interesting because Namie shoots him down mercilessly and is clearly disgusted with him while Izaya doesn’t care. But the anime makes it seem like they have a good relationship without conflict at all which isn’t the case in the novel. Like she really is just his housewife or something, which she’s not. Hell, with how the scenes with Izaya in the last episode was basically about him concerned over Namie’s welfare _only_  it gives off a different feeling than in the novel where he was more interested in Kujiragi as a person than Namie’s safety, which is very like Izaya. __

 _ _Namie isn’t as ‘aggressive’ as she is in the novel, and not as cold. Especially with Izaya’s line about rescuing her - combined with the reduced animosity towards Izaya, it just seems like Namie is a woman who needs rescuing (in the end) when she’s not. And why is she sitting on the couch in the end when she was supposed to make a dramatic entrance?… ‘ with a demonic expression’? Towards the Headless Rider whose Head stole away her love?__

 _ _  
__

__Well the last cour will be on January and I’m fine with that. It’s a bit long, but maybe they didn’t have enough time so they rushed the scenes. Who knows. They did put four volumes in this cour too so hopefully there will be more time for the last cour. I’d rather wait for a longer time and have a satisfying adaptation of the novels than wait for not as long and be disappointed I didn’t get to see the scenes I really wanted to see.__

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
Hey! A few days ago, I read your post about Izaya's possible unrequited love for Shizuo. I'd never even considered it before, but it really made me think. This is likely a stupid question, but why exactly do you think Shizuo actually hates Izaya so much, even though he admitted that he, too, wanted to make at least shallow relationships, much like Izaya. Vorona and Izaya are kind of similar in someways, so I'm wondering why he accepts her despite knowing her intentions, but still shuns Izaya.  


___  
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Heiwajima Shizuo is a man of black and white.

I’m not talking about his bartender suit. I’m talking about his mindset.

 _Bad guys are bad, good guys are good._

 _Children are innocent._

 _Hitting a girl is bad._

 _Violence is bad._

 _Gambling is bad, so all people who gamble should be beaten up._

 _Shinra is a nutjob._

 _Celty is my good friend._

 _Tom-san is my senpai who gave me a job, so I’m indebted to him._

 _Varona is my kouhai, so she cannot be a bad person._

 _Izaya is a shitty flea who ruins my peace, so I hate him._

Shizuo sees the world in black and white – in terms of absolutes.

These staunch beliefs serve to compose Shizuo’s world.  


Going from sweeping statements to making perceptions –

 _The girl who attacked me is just a kid, she’s innocent, there must have been someone else behind this._

 _Violence is bad, people don’t want to hang around me because I’m violent, kids didn’t want to play with me because I’m violent, violence hurts people, violence is bad – I use violence, I’m bad. I’m a monster._

 _I want peace. I can’t have peace because of my violence. I hate violence._

 _I hate violence, but I’m the one who’s always violent – I hate myself._

-          And so on. Shizuo’s beliefs grow to become his perceptions.

  


Shizuo’s skill is his deduction.

Not his strength. His strength isn’t a skill. It’s something he was born with.

Shizuo’s skill is his deduction –

Because he forms his perceptions through his various beliefs. 

He deduces, through his beliefs, what is the most likely possibility and from that his perception is formed. 

> _\- Did he kill those three men? …Not likely.  
>    
>  \- There’s no way that Izaya would have had strong enough arms to kill those three men bare-handed like that. First of all, why on earth would he want to make such total enemies of the Awakusu-kai folks in the first place?  
>    
>  \- If he didn’t do it himself, then he must have gotten the information beforehand that someone else was going to do it and tricked me into going there on purpose…_
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 6_

Izaya doesn’t have strong enough arms to kill three men bare-handed, Izaya wouldn’t want to make enemies of the Awakusu-kai –

Most likely Izaya didn’t kill the three men.

If he didn’t kill the three men, he should have known someone else was going to do it.

If he knew someone else was going to do it, he must have gotten the information beforehand.

And so on. It’s all very logical thinking through pure deduction. And since it was Mikiya who hired Slon to kill the three men and Izaya knew about it, Shizuo came to the correct conclusion.

Because Shizuo said in SH that he wrote in his elementary school graduation anthology that he wanted to be a detective, it could be that he was aware of his skill of deduction from young.

> “Look, all it means that when I lose it, it’s ‘cause things make no sense. If there was any logic to it, then I wouldn’t get pissed even if I got shot or stabbed.”

He says it to himself to Varona. He loses it when things make no sense – which means _things must make sense to him_. Which means he relies on logic and reason. 

What does this have to do with Shizuo’s black and white mindset?

It has to do with the forming of his perceptions being constructed through logic and reason.

 _I hate violence, but I’m the one who’s always violent – I hate myself._

And it’s true. He’s the one who is most violent of all even though he hates violence, and thus it’s only reasonable for him to hate himself.

And it because it’s _reasonable_ , because his perception of himself as someone to be hated is formed through _logic and reason which makes sense to him_ , he _cannot reject_ it. 

Because rejecting it would mean rejecting his own deduction.

And this is exactly why Shizuo hates, and has continued to hate Izaya for years and will not entertain any thought of Izaya having one bit of good in him even if Shinra says it – because it goes against his black and white perception and his deduction.

More importantly – Izaya has done nothing to change Shizuo’s perception. He acts exactly like the shitty flea Shizuo thinks he is, manipulating humans and doing other shitty things, taunting Shizuo, getting people Shizuo cares about involved. He basically just proves Shizuo’s deduction. 

If he had done something – tried to get along with Shizuo, or show weakness in front of him, Shizuo could have changed his mind about him.

Because Shizuo cannot reject his own deduction of Izaya as a shitty flea.

So if the shitty flea shows weakness, Shizuo knows it’s real, but logic tells him it can’t be, his perception of Izaya will become all jumbled up and he might even blame himself.

Because if shitty fleas don’t show weaknesses, but the shitty flea is showing weakness, and that weakness is real, but Izaya is a shitty flea but he’s showing such weakness in front of him –

It is for once not the shitty flea’s fault but his.

He must have done something so bad that even Izaya the shitty flea cannot hold back a display of weakness.

When his black and white perception is invaded by a hint of grey, Shizuo begins to doubt and reconsider.

But Izaya has yet to show any sort of weakness in front of Shizuo, and so Shizuo continues to hate him.

  


The issue is – Shizuo is a creature of deduction.

If manipulation is Izaya’s game, deduction is Shizuo’s.

Because Shizuo is just as independent – if not more, than Izaya.

Izaya is all alone, no one wants to have hotpot with him, he’s so lonely he talks to himself, etc. Even back then he was a distant kid.

Izaya is envious of Shizuo for having friends when he doesn’t.

But Shizuo has been alone too.

Shizuo isn’t like Izaya.

He didn’t choose to go on his own path and live a life different from a normal human’s.

He was forced out of the path of a normal human’s because of his monstrous strength.

Out of nowhere – when he was just a normal kid albeit with a temper, he suddenly gains this monstrous strength and becomes violent and scares everyone away and gets shunned by society.

It’s like you were normal, accepted by the other kids in the early years of your life, then suddenly when you reach elementary school people start bullying and shunning you for something you didn’t even know how it happened. And you gain such a bad reputation people shun you even in middle school and high school and no one wants to be friends with you because they see you as a monster.

That kind of psychological impact is big.

Izaya wasn’t excluded from society. Girls worshipped him in high school. His classmates in middle school thought he was nice. His sisters probably loved him since their parents were overseas. He was just a loner by nature. And once he embarked on his own path and was willing to do horrible things for his own personal desires – only then did people reject him.

But Shizuo was excluded from society from the start. People saw him as a monster, they were scared of him, he grew to believe he was a monster – and he isolated himself from society.

Considering this, what would Shizuo do?

Observation.

But not like Izaya.

Shizuo observes differently from Izaya.

If Izaya observes from the outside looking in, Shizuo observes from the inside because no one wants to be with him even though he’s in the same place as them.

So Shizuo observes, because there’s no one to teach him (Shinra doesn’t count, since the first thing he said is that he wanted to dissect Shizuo), because he’s already troubling his family with the hospital bills, because the last time he loved, he hurt the person with his violence.

So he observes, and deduces on his own through logic and reason,                 forming his own rules and perceptions – and that’s probably been his way of life as he’s lived independently for many years.

This may have led to his black and white thinking since he needs a basis, a firm foundation for himself as he had no one to lean onto or seek help from.

Though it turns out to be bad, like Shizuo beats up anyone who pisses him off, like _‘people who piss me off deserve to be beaten up’_ – 

It’s something that has been with him throughout his life, which makes it hard for people to convince him otherwise.  


  


However, Shizuo is open to consideration. 

He has grown.

His character has developed.

He has learnt to not only care for himself as he had to, having been alone and independent, but to consider others’ feelings as well.

Kujiragi.

Varona.

Reason.

Because despite Shizuo’s black and white thinking –

Shizuo doesn’t judge.

He perceives.

It’s important to note the distinction.

In simple terms, judging is forming a conclusion, while perception is just understanding or interpreting in a certain way.

They’re similar, but I see perceiving as an attempt to understand, while judging is more of a solid definition.

Of course Shizuo judges from his perception such as how gamblers deserve to be beaten up because all gamblers are bad, but for example if he met a gambler who is not bad, or if someone he knew like Tom turned to out be a gambler in the past, his perception would change and he would revoke his judgment. 

And that’s what happened with Kujiragi and Varona.

For Kujiragi, Shizuo matured enough to hold back his judgment. He asked her and Seitarou what they wanted with Celty – when in the past he would have beaten the bad guys up without caring about reasons of any sort.

> “I get your drift. You guys have your reasons, I guess.” 

  


Of course in the end he threw the piece of wall at her, but he still told Kujiragi that he’s made trouble for Celty and she heard him out and now it’s his turn to listen to her –

Shizuo tried to _communicate_ with Kujiragi, even though she was the ‘bad guy’. 

Because she had her reasons, even though they were just commercial, and she was honest with him.

And so he was honest back to her, treating her like a person rather than just a ‘bad guy’.

He allowed his perception to change, because he held back his judgment on her.

Izaya doesn’t have reasons of any sort.

‘I love humans’?

Shizuo doesn’t understand that.

Because Shizuo doesn’t understand love.

Especially not for the humans who shunned them both.

Izaya makes no sense to Shizuo.

Shizuo can’t understand Izaya.

Which is why Shizuo hates him.

Shizuo hates things that make no sense, that he can’t understand.

  


On the other hand, Varona is his kouhai.

Shizuo has formed a relationship with her – a senpai-kouhai relationship. 

That’s the reason why he accepts her, because she wasn’t an exception to his black and white thinking either –

> “Speaking of which, if I ever run into that woman in the rider suit again, I’ll have to make sure to grab that expensive-looking helmet and crush it right in front of her eyes…”

Shizuo showed no mercy towards her even if she’s a woman, when she kidnapped Akane, making her the bad guy in Shizuo’s eyes. 

Had Shizuo met Varona in the rider suit again, he would have probably done exactly as he said.

But Varona became his kouhai.

Shizuo treated her to a drink, got to find out she was smart and knew a lot of things, found out she trained in martial arts, that she liked sweet things like him, went out to eat cake together with her –

He had a hunch that Varona was the woman in the rider suit, but he brushed it off in favor of the good relationship they shared as senpai-kouhai.

Unlike with Izaya, Shizuo learnt about Varona. He understood that she was a good person from his own observations. 

> “I’ve gotten used to the way you talk. Besides, I don’t feel like doing something to someone I once worked with.”

It could be the reason why Shizuo wanted to make at least shallow relationships like Izaya was because he wanted to understand and connect with people which he never had the chance to do when he was shunned.

> “Hey, Varona. What is it that you want to do? Since I’m your senpai, it’s okay to lean on me a little.”

Just like how through his senpai-kouhai relationship with Varona, Shizuo not only got the chance to take care of someone – to show he’s capable of taking care of someone as their senpai, but he also got to understand and connect with her on a personal level, leading him to reconsider his perception of her.

Unlike Izaya whom has never done anything to allow Shizuo to connect with him on a personal level, so Shizuo shuns him.

  


  


  


  


  


But Shizuo has many sides to him.

He is a more complex character than he seems.

He may want to connect with people and form relationships –

But at the same time he is dominated by logic and reason.

Shizuo doesn’t need someone understanding.

Shizuo is not emotional.

He is a man of logic and reason.

Celty helps him by listening to him, making him feel better that he has someone to tell his problems to.

Tom helps him by giving him advice, as someone his senior and as someone well versed in matters of society.

Shinra – well perhaps Shinra helped him by staying as his friend throughout the years, otherwise he would have been completely alone. Similar to how Slon stayed with Varona.

Kasuka helps him by supporting whatever choice he makes, and being someone he doesn’t want to make trouble for, so he tries his best to be a peaceful man.

Varona helps him by being his kouhai, someone he can take care of – that he can take care of someone instead of being taken care of by the people around him.

But none of these people can help Shizuo to change.

The closest we have is Varona, who helped him become a more understanding person, and let him show that he too was capable of caring for others instead of being cared for.

But Varona’s logic is similar to Shizuo’s, in that she builds on facts from books (for Shizuo, beliefs), which she then turns into judgements (for Shizuo, perceptions)

In terms of not just character, but personal development, in the long run, Varona won’t be able to help Shizuo. Her facts and conclusions thinking will just encourage Shizuo’s black and white thinking. Varona is too similar to help Shizuo change his perception of himself. She, like Shizuo, didn’t have a normal childhood and was left mostly alone and she formed her own way of thinking as an independent individual. It was not her personality that provided Shizuo the opportunity to take care of someone as his kouhai – it was the situation of her being his kouhai _and_ also coincidentally being the woman in the rider suit which he fought, that acted as a catalyst for Shizuo to alter his perception of ‘bad guys’.

Shizuo needs someone who can _challenge his perceptions_.

He needs someone who can look him in the eye and give him reasons to reconsider his perceptions without being afraid of his reaction.

Because the reason why people are afraid of him is also partly because of his black and white mindset eg. Don’t piss Shizuo off, or you’re dead. Because Shizuo beats up anyone who pisses him off.

And also because his black and white thinking of himself as a monster leads to his hatred of himself.

Because Shizuo represses his monstrous strength.

That’s why when he fought Saika, he was so happy because it was the first time he could use his strength without holding back – and without anyone being badly hurt. Because he accepted his strength as a part of him, to control –

> No one would have expected that he would be able to place the safety of someone else – a girl he had barely just gotten to know at that – before his own raging anger at its maximum.
> 
> However, ever since all the trouble with Saika, Shizuo had come to know how to use his strength. Right now, he decided to jump off the truck because he put Akane’s safety first.
> 
> -          Durarara Volume 6

And that acceptance of his strength leads him to greater control over it and his own anger.

But if there was no Saika incident, if there was no Akane incident, if there was no chaos in Ikebukuro, Shizuo wouldn’t have the opportunity to use his strength.

Shizuo wouldn’t have the opportunity to accept his monstrous strength.

And that’s why, Izaya, who acknowledges and accepts himself as a horrible person and does horrible things, is happier than Shizuo who acknowledges but **does not accept himself as a monster** and tries to live a peaceful life like a normal human.

There’s a Chinese proverb, “Go straight to the heart of danger, for there you will find safety.” 

I take it as to overcome your fear, face it in the greatest degree and you will be at peaceful acceptance with it.

Because Shizuo is afraid of being a monster, he does not accept himself as a monster, and so he will never truly be at peace with his monstrous strength.

And Izaya sees this.

  


> ”Just as there are people like you who I can predict… there are humans like Simon or Shizu-chan who surpass my expectations. That’s why I can’t help but love, love, love humans… Ahh, yeah. That’s definitely why I can keep doing this shitty job. …It’s so fun it’s nauseating.”
> 
> -          Durarara Volume 3
> 
> “What’s the meaning of growing up as a human being when you’re far from a human being to begin with? There’s no way out for you except to use force.”
> 
> -          Durarara Volume 6
> 
> “I’ve probably said this before, but do you really think helping humans is going to make them love you?”
> 
> -          Durarara Volume 12
> 
> “A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might immediately become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong.”
> 
> -          Durarara SH Volume 1

Izaya ruins Shizuo’s peace.

But in ruining Shizuo’s peace, not only has he given Shizuo opportunities to use and accept his monstrous strength –

Izaya has continuously challenged Shizuo’s perceptions.

His black and white thinking that his strength only causes trouble.

That his strength can only hurt people

That he can never be happy with his monstrous strength.

That he can never be something other than a monster

That if he becomes a monster, his peaceful life will be ruined

He paid a heavy price for the last one, for the last (unintentional) lesson he gave to Shizuo.

  


> As the two were on their way back to report at the office, Tom spoke up again.  
>  “It’s quite rare to hear you talk about things like that.”  
>  Shizuo, with an expression quieter than usual, replied.  
>  “I mean… I was thinking that it’s about time for me to change, too…”  
>  “Huh?”  
>  “It must have been Raira Academy’s entrance ceremony today. I saw lots of new students, with this shine in their eye.”  
>  “Yeah, there were a lot of them in uniform today.”  
>  Tom said this, looking around the park.  
>  Of course, there were very few in uniform here at this time of day, but there were plenty of young people gathered in the park.  
>  There were all kinds from the honest sort to those who with the air they gave off could only be delinquents, but unlike a few years ago when colour gangs were still rampant, now there was no trace of them at all.  
>  Shizuo gazed at this scene himself, and said, emotionally:  
>  “Now the flea is gone I feel like the city’s really quietened down. When I think of how it’s been like this for more than a year, somehow I feel like I need to up my game, too…”
> 
> -          Durarara SH Volume 1  
>    
> 

  


Shizuo wants to change.

He feels that he _needs_ to change.

That’s why he asked Tom about qualifications, and brought up his elementary school dream of being a detective. 

Tom can give him advice, Celty can listen to him, Kasuka can support him, Shinra can treat his wounds, Varona can show him he’s capable of taking care of someone, Akane can show him kids can not be afraid of him

These people can give Shizuo the peace he wants.

They can make him feel appreciated.

But they cannot help Shizuo to change.

Because humans can’t change in peace.

There is only one person who ruins his peace – and through the various incidents in Ikebukuro, has helped him to change.

In the long run –

  


Shizuo needs Izaya.

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OMG

WHY IS THIS IN AN OFFICIAL DURARARA MANGA LOL.

AND IT’S ONE WHOLE FREAKING CHAPTER?!

ASISAIDNOIFNEOSJKL

  


Ok I’m back from freaking out and able to analyze again.

As usual it’s gonna be an unpopular opinion.

But I think they may just be preparing to make Shizaya ‘canon’.

  


Like, the whole fanservice in the game was already surprising enough, but having Shizaya here in an official manga -

In one whole chapter, and not an omake?

I don’t know, it’s like too suspicious? It’s not even in an omake, but in an actual chapter, not like an extra (.5) or anything like that.

And I might be biased but I can’t help but see my unrequited love theory with the last bubble lol, of Izaya saying he’s not able to say it if he didn’t pretend to lose his memories. (It kind of reminds me of a fic I wrote, Memory and Identity, actually)

And look at this  – 

  


They just look so happy.

And Shizuo looks so at peace. 

  


But look at the background..

There’s no flowers or sparkles.

This is like practically the only panel without some sort of design -

Even though it’s supposed to be the one with the most fanservice.

And it just looks so simple and real.

  


I’ve talked a lot about Izaya, since he’s the one whose feelings are more obvious.

But I’ve seen some of what could be considered ‘hints’ for Shizuo as well.

  


_I enjoy my loneliness  
It’s good to be without a care  
Let these unchanging feelings quickly disappear  
_

_The other side of the frosted glass in this windswept town  
Cooled tea left behind on top of the table  
In the sunset, I adjust my collar in the crowd  
Distracted, I look around for you  
  
Then, two years to the date, the crowd disperses  
In that town, I happen to catch a glimpse of a beige coat  
On their finger, I look for the ruby ring  
All because I lost my dearest one_

_  
_

So as we all know this is Shizuo’s character song, Rubi no Yubiwa and I admit I kinda thought of Shizaya since the title is Ruby Ring…(rings are one of Izaya’s trademarks)

This is actually a real song of a man singing about his lover. The original version is by Akira Terao I think.

I didn’t think much of it ‘cause Shizuo’s first character song was enka as well so I thought it was a character trait.

But after SH and Izaya and the Sunset, I’m starting to think about it again.

And I don’t know, but it sounds so much like SH to me -

_Then, two years to the date, the crowd disperses_  


Like, two years? Seriously, whoever chose this song? And this was released after SH (the second season and SH were released about the same time I think? I can’t remember) 

I thought I was thinking too much ‘cause I read somewhere then it’s one and a half years but the novel clearly states it’s _two years._

And ‘sunset’…I have this image as Izaya looks at the sunset with his new accomplices, Shizuo is looking at the sunset too. Also we know how Shizuo is always distracted and looks around to see if Izaya is in Ikebukuro.

(Not to mention the most distinctive part of Izaya’s coat is the fur, and it’s beige. And Shizuo recognizes Izaya by it because he’s always chasing Izaya from behind, and so he looks for a ‘beige coat’…and a ring like Izaya’s when he holds out his knife towards Shizuo) 

But the images…the _images. The words._

_Loneliness_

_Crowd_

_Distracted_

_Coat_

_Ring_

_Sunset_

_  
_

_His dearest one._

He lost his dearest one after two years.

  


And the image, um well while the fandom knows him as Rubi, to the creators he’s Shizuo, just in different clothing. And the art style looks like Yasuda’s I think? Well It is official after all.

So I’m starting to see the image as Shizuo as a detective. 

Like, he has the clothes, he has a weapon and he’s already stated in canon he wanted to be a detective.

  


Shizuo wants to be a detective.

And Izaya is director of a detective agency.

  


(…I still can’t believe this, a freaking detective agency of all things? Seriously, Narita? I thought Izaya was an information broker? Right, just throw it in our faces will you?)

  


Even in my crazy ideas for fics I never considered the possibility Izaya could be running a detective agency. I mean, he’s an information broker? Information broker Orihara Izaya? Since when did he become Director of Detective Agency Orihara Izaya?! Him being involved in a detective agency would be unbelievable enough.

That’s why to me it’s just too coincidental, and it seems things are just adding up to something.

(What next, animation of the BL(Bacon Lettuce) April Fool? Or a drama CD? I’d be happy enough if we could see Bloody White Day though. And maybe the Black and White Special, why are you chasing Izaya on Valentine’s Day, Shizuo? And why are you making him do so, Izaya? Oh wait, ‘cause you’re in love with him.)

  


Ah sorry, you probably didn’t expect such a long post huh? But well, this is just my reaction haha. I’ve been looking for stuff that could indicate Shizuo’s feelings, and this was the perfect catalyst.

  


  


He looks happy.

Heiwajima Shizuo looks so _happy._

_He looks like he’s finally found his peace._

And it’s all because of Orihara Izaya.

  


It may just be Erika’s fantasy.

But it’s in an official manga.

And it could become real.

  


  


Maybe.

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
DetectiveIzaya anon here: Yes to the photoset you reblogged, that's the one I meant! Izaya with the pipe, lol. And in the second picture, he looks like he is enjoying himself so much :3 Thought it was interesting for you, because of the whole DEtective Agency thing and stuff :D  


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Oooh ok.  
  
Yeah he does look like he’s enjoying himself haha. But what I find interesting is Miyoshi’s presence. In the manga for the game where Miyoshi came to Ikebukuro Izaya called him a detective - 

  


You get the point lol. There’s even a picture of them together -

Looking back and knowing now Izaya is director of a detective agency, this picture gives new meaning lol! Like, Miyoshi is his protege, and they’re ‘solving the mystery’ together…which Izaya already knows about lol -

  


I always found Izaya’s and Miyoshi’s relationship really interesting because Izaya seemed interested in his potential, and not in a really manipulative way. He lets him act on his own, doesn’t really lead him anywhere, and he even comes when Miyoshi calls him (orders him to actually) and is just like, ‘Why is he angry…?’ He’s being pretty lenient with Miyoshi already, he even talks to him like he’s a friend and tells him personal stuff (his relationship with Shizuo) 

  


Like, Izaya looks so happy someone will come to just meet him! And that he can talk to someone about Shizuo ~ it’s actually kinda cute lol  ♡〜٩( ╹▿╹ )۶〜♡   

Also -

Doesn’t this sound like my unrequited love theory xDDD 

Izaya made an effort to love Shizuo equally, on the same level of his humans. He had ‘carefully planned out his observation of humans since he loves them all equally’  but Shizuo ‘appeared and abruptly spoiled it all’. Isn’t this basically a roundabout confession lol. How could Shizuo ruin Izaya’s unilateral love for humanity even though Izaya saw Shizuo as human (he tried to love Shizuo as a human once) before? Doesn’t it sound like Izaya fell in love with Shizuo, and so he says, ‘Things never go the way you want them to in this world’? Because he never planned on falling in love with one particular human which would ruin his plan to love all humans unilaterally. 

  


There’s even Tiger Shizuo!  ღゝ◡╹)ノ♡. 

Haha anyway Izaya treats Miyoshi in a different way from his humans and now I know why - it’s because he’s director of a detective agency! He probably saw Miyoshi’s potential as a detective and was interested to see if he would figure out the mystery in Ikebukuro. And Miyoshi’s story is canon by the way -

  


> _Some years ago there was even an incident during the land speculation uproar where a landshark impostered the Headless Rider and wrecked havoc all over the city.  
>  _
> 
> _Simply put, they intended to manipulate prices by painting the Headless Rider as a dangerous figure, and even collaborated with politicians to obtain redevelopment rights._
> 
>  _-Durarara! SH Volume 1_

  


Which is basically the plot behind the game/manga. Like wow, such formidable foreshadowing.. Round of applause, really. He said the word ‘detective’ so many times and I just glossed over it argh! And even if one were to pick up on the foreshadowing they’d probably link it to Shizuo wanting to be a detective than Izaya ‘cause Miyoshi got along unexpectedly well with Shizuo and it would explain things since he’s doing detective work which Shizuo wants to do and so Shizuo offers to help him if he can. 

I mean who could have ever known? He’s information broker Orihara Izaya but apparently he’s also Director of Detective Agency Orihara Izaya. Argh seriously, stick to one job, Izaya!  (　ﾟДﾟ)＜!! 

  


  


Bonus: 

So does this mean Izaya is Shizuo’s weakness xDDDD Like how people dislike certain stuff ‘cause they can’t deal with it, hating bugs or broccoli or something…(Inside Out reference lol) Omg Izaya you told Miyoshi to find out Shizuo’s weakness which is actually yourself! How ironic lollll

  


And this isn’t really related but -

  


This is so cute lol! Damn Miyoshi, you have Shizuo _and_  Izaya, you can get along with both of them, Orihara Izaya _asks you to help him_ and  Heiwajima Shizuo _offers you help_ and all you care about is if Chiaki replies your messages? Omg you’re definitely eccentric LOL xD

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___Shizuo is true to his emotions.___

 _ _ _Izaya is honest with his desires.___

 _ _ _  
___

___Shizuo can’t be true to his feelings for Izaya___

 _ _ _Izaya can’t be honest about his desires with Shizuo___

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___They are each other’s exception.___

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___If Durarara is about[desires twisted to love](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/127922495846/durarara-desires-twisted-to-love) -___

 _ _ _And humans loving people who can fulfill their personal desires -___

 _ _ _Then it’s the opposite for hate.___

 _ _ _Humans hate people who disallow them to fulfill their personal desires -___

 _ _ _Which means there is an expectation placed beforehand on the person they hate -___

 _ _ _That they desired something from that person.___

 _ _ _And thus when that expectation seemed to be misplaced -___

 _ _ _Hatred was born.___

 _ _ _  
___

___Durarara is a story of twisted love.___

 _ _ _Desires twisted to love -___

 _ _ _And love, loving someone who could fulfill their personal desires, for love is twisted from desires -___

 _ _ _Twisted to hate when that personal desire is left unfulfilled.___

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> ____“I can’t really say I dislike Izaya. He’s nothing but true. True to his own desires. In the same way you’re true to your emotions, in fact.”____
> 
>  _ _ ** _\- Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 5_**__

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__Shizuo desires to be true to his emotions.__

 _ _Izaya desires to be true to his desires.__

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__Shizuo can’t be true to his love for Izaya because he’s afraid of loving because he’s afraid of hurting the person he loves.__

 _ _Izaya can’t be honest about his desire to be loved by Shizuo because Shizuo hates him, and thus he hates Shizuo in return, refusing to admit his love for him.__

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__And so, unable to fulfill their personal desire with the other -__

 _ _They hate each other.__

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__They do say there is a thin line between love and hate -__

 _ _The line of fulfillment of desire.__

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___A Theory on Izaya’s Attachment to Humanity_ _ _

___As the title says, this is a theory delving into Izaya’s attachment to humanity. It will explore Izaya’s origins, his background, and his two relationships - with Shinra and Shizuo. While I meant this to be a theory just about Izaya, there is implication of Shizaya near the end because those words just called for it. But mostly it is a theory on Orihara Izaya, and how he came to be the way he is.___

 _ _ _With that, let us begin.___

 _ _ _  
  
Izaya said to Mikado he wants to see and observe humans other than himself.___

> ____“I don’t know about that. I honestly can’t even read my next move. In the end, what I want to see is humans other than myself. How they react in the situation that cannot be expected, to observe that is the biggest motive of my life. In order to achieve that, I will both cause trouble and help as much as I can.”____
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 11_  
>  __

__The narration said in Volume 5 it could be interpreted as a grand form of narcissism - but he never includes himself in the humans he loves.__

> ___He was a human himself, yet he loved the beings called “humans’”.___
> 
>  _ _ _One could interpret it as a grandiose case of narcissism, but he never included himself in the “humans” he loved.___
> 
>  _ _ _To put it in more exact words, he was deeply in love with “others”.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 5___

 _ _That could imply Izaya doesn’t love himself.  
  
And from what he said to Mikado, it could be that he’s so true to his own desires he can’t even predict his next action.  
  
It’s like how Shinra said Celty has nothing on the other side of the balance.__

> ___Celty may be more kindhearted than even the average human being.___
> 
>  _ _ _When an average human being helps another for nothing in return, they may hesitate after calculating the costs of the task and the risks it poses to their social status or personal safety.___
> 
>  _ _ _But Celty has hardly anything like that to put on the “other end of the balance”.___
> 
>  _ _ _She has lost even her own head. The only things left to lose are probably her pride and her life free from guilt. To safeguard her pride and her guilt-free life, she would choose to help people. So these things would actually end up adding to the ‘help people’ end of the balance.___
> 
>  _ _ _That’s what’s so awesome about her.___
> 
>  _ _ _At least I can’t say that I have a human heart like hers.___
> 
>  _ _ _ **\- Kishitani Shinra, Durarara Volume 6**___

 _ _Considering this, it seems Izaya doesn’t have anything on the other end of the balance either.__

> ___That ‘attachment’ of his…When there is one thing he has an eye on, it’s honestly ominous how focused he’ll become on it to where even your own life is irrelevant.  
>  ___
> 
> ___If there is any ‘fear’ towards him it would be that one point.___
> 
>  _ _ _So, watch out. First, his own life is secondary to him. Anytime I thought “with this he’ll lay off,” he’ll take another step forward and come at me again.___
> 
>  _ _ _ **\- Heiwajima Shizuo, **Interlude: The Man Called Izaya Orihara ⑤, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset****___

 _ _  
So, does that mean Izaya does indeed have attachment to Shizuo as a human, possibly beyond his ‘attachment’ to other humans? Enough to risk his life that even Shizuo notices?__

 _ _…Well, that’s not the point.__

 _ _What if Izaya, like Celty, doesn’t have anything on the other side of the balance?__

 _ _If humans calculate the costs of the task and risks posed to their social status or personal safety, then Izaya has nothing to safeguard.  
  
He let his own social status go down the drain and outcast himself from society. The social status of money is something he has plenty of. And he doesn’t really care about his personal safety if he can fulfill his own desires.__

 _ _Simply put, Izaya doesn’t follow utility theory. Gains and costs are nothing to him. It’s like gambling. There was an experiment, the Iowa Gambling Task or something like that, that found that participants with damage to an area of the brain involved in decision making, the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, chose the obviously riskier option in spite of losses and showed no galvanic skin response. In simple terms that means they weren’t able to anticipate risks like normal people.  
  
But then Izaya went for a brain scan and there’s nothing wrong with his brain. And it’s not as if he’s incapable of rational decision making.__

 _ _If Celty lost her head, what did Izaya lose?__

 _ _His ‘humanity’.__

 _ _  
I say ‘humanity’, because ‘humanity’ is subjective. But if Shinra defines what is important to humans as social status and personal safety, then Izaya lost his humanity - in the eyes of society. Because social status and personal safety have little to no value to him.__

 _ _And if Izaya lost his humanity, then like Celty, he has nothing on the other side of the balance. He doesn’t have to consider what helping, or harming people for that matter, will do to him as a human being in society. He isn’t concerned about the things humans are concerned about, and in that way, he’s a ‘monster’.__

 _ _What he has left, is his ‘attachment’. His personal desires - they’re his ‘attachment’ because he’s attached to them, they’re the only thing that makes him seem like a human being.__

> ___“But that guy is not a medicine or pill that has no intentions. In the end, no matter how you look at it, that guy himself is very human so that’s why he’s troublesome.”___
> 
>  _ _ ** _\- Sharaku Mikage, Durarara Volume 11_**__

 _ _  
It may seem contradictory but though Izaya lost his ‘humanity’, he didn’t lose his human heart. He didn’t lose his desires and his intentions, the kind every human has outside of societal influence. Intentions that only he will understand.__

 _ _Celty has only her pride and guilt-free life left, despite not even being a human being. Izaya only has his personal desires and love for humanity. To safeguard her pride and guilt-free life, Celty chooses to help people, to maintain the little things she actually has, to be like a human being.__

 _ _To safeguard his personal desires and love for humanity, Izaya chooses to both help and hinder people, to maintain his human heart despite not being like humanity.  
  
  
__

__Now consider the context. Izaya lives in Japan. There’s a saying in Japan’ the nail that sticks out gets hammered down’. Japan is big on social solidarity and social politeness and appearances. Japanese people hide their emotions in order to not cause trouble to others, or perhaps because they don’t feel like they warrant attention. This can also be seen with Mikado, where he himself constrained his personal desires so much that he didn’t even recognize his own pride for the Dollars.__

> ___Ryuugamine Mikado was an individual easily wavered by those around him.___
> 
>  _ _ _But about his own creation, Dollars, he had ideas that even he himself could not understand___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 6___

 _ _ _  
___

> ___“Although even then you appeared to have a normal life while having a distorted air. Indeed I envy you. That is something I couldn’t do when I was in high school.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Izaya muttered with deep emotion.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 11___

 _ _ _  
___

__What if Izaya is indeed envious?__

 _ _Mikado is similar to Izaya in that he has his own personal desires no one but him understands. But unlike Izaya, he could live a normal life.__

 _ _But Izaya isn’t like that.__

 _ _This is just a theory, but it could be because Izaya lacks social conditioning. His parents were away on their trading business and he was left alone since he was a kid. There was no one to socially condition him on social solidarity and to hide his emotions and desires.__

> __  
> __

__  
__

> ___Mikado’s parents weren’t well versed with the Internet, so it was hard for them to understand a long distance friendship like this. So when they heard their son say that he wanted to go to Tokyo to study because ‘a good friend who transferred out in elementary school asked me if I wanted to study in a school there’, they could hardly accept something like that. Even though they never said it, but it was also because they wanted their son to remain in their hometown and study in a public school.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 1___

 _ _On the other hand Mikado lived a protected life (never even going on field trips) and probably had parents that were rather conservative/protective (though maybe not too much because he managed to convince them) But he definitely had more social conditioning than Izaya.__

 _ _So even though they have the same craving for excitement, they come from different social backgrounds with different personalities and so they turned out differently. Mikado was still able to live a somewhat normal life, while Izaya wasn’t.__

 _ _And maybe Izaya is envious of that. He’s envious because he couldn’t live a normal life in high school, which may mean he might have wanted to live a normal life (even while having a distorted air). But because he grew up without social conditioning, he doesn’t know how to adhere to societal norms. Which could be why he’s sometimes described to be like a kid in the novels, because in that way he’s still a kid who hasn’t undergone social conditioning, who wasn’t told to ‘grow up’, who didn’t have parents, people around to teach him that. And maybe he’s still exploring the world which will ‘never let him feel bored’.__

> ___He is nothing more than an uncooperative, superficially dignified 5-year-old._  
>  __
> 
> __**- _Densuke Sozoro, Densuke Sozoro’s Entry, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_**__

 _ _So he isn’t in society because he wasn’t conditioned to be in society. So he has nothing on the other side of the balance, has no care or concern for his social status and even little care for his own safety. And if there’s nothing to balance his personal desires and love for humans out, it would make sense if he’s attached to them - because he has nothing to fall back onto on the other side of the scale.__

> ___Izaya himself enjoyed being somewhat detached from everything around him.___
> 
>  _ _ _He knew he was seen as a top student___
> 
>  _ _ _But he never made fun of others, nor did he see them as inferior___
> 
>  _ _ _He liked this place called ‘school’ where lives were spent in groups.___
> 
>  _ _ _Some of his classmates would chat and laugh in a friendly way, some would fight, some would talk in secret about being bullied, and still others would weep when they were the targets of bullying - he liked to observe all of the above.___
> 
>  _ _ _The more he had to do with them, however, the less there was to see.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 9___

 _ _  
__

__This was Izaya before high school. Notice that he sees everything objectively. ‘This place called ‘school’ where lives were spent in groups’. Since he grew up without parents, he probably lacked social connections. With his parents, with the other kids. He was often alone, spent his early life alone, and so it’s a bit curious to him that there was a place where lives were to be spent in groups.__

 _ _And maybe he enjoys observing humans because it lets him learn about humanity in a way he couldn’t through socializing and social conditioning.__

> ___“I don’t know about that. I honestly can’t even read my next move. In the end, what I want to see is humans other than myself. How they react in the situation that cannot be expected, to observe that is the biggest motive of my life. In order to achieve that, I will both cause trouble and help as much as I can.”_    
>  __
> 
> __**_\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 11_**__

 _ _  
__

__Perhaps that’s why he doesn’t want to see himself. Because to him what makes humans interesting is that they’re in society where there’s social interactions and social relationships. And Izaya isn’t affected by that, because of lack of social conditioning, he’s not in society. He’s not affected by what he observes. So in that way there’s no point in observing himself. Because he can’t even read his next move - he isn’t constrained by factors like humans are (factors which he’s learnt about but doesn’t apply to him), he’s just eternally true to his own desires, whatever they turn out to be.__

> ___He loves, loves, loves, loves humans, so he just wants to see. The various expressions humans make._  
>  __
> 
> __**_\- Kishitani Shinra, Interlude: The Man Called Izaya Orihara ①, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_**__
> 
>  _ _ ** _  
> _**__
> 
> ___He always said since high school he liked the limitless potential of humans._  
>  __
> 
> ___**\- Kadota Kyohei** ,  **Interlude: The Man Called Izaya Orihara ③,**   **Orihara Izaya and the Sunset**___
> 
>  _ _  
> __

__Izaya has no expectation of humans. He just wants to see. He has no expectation because he can’t form expectations of humans. He can’t form expectations of people. For example, we might think that if this happens, this will happen, maybe through experience. If someone backstabs a friend, the friend will be hurt, and that someone will be bad. Because we know you’re not supposed to backstab a friend.__

 _ _But Izaya doesn’t know that. Maybe he didn’t know that, and even now he doesn’t understand that. If you’re detached from other humans, you wouldn’t know how human relationships work. Unlike normal humans, Izaya has no experiential learning about human relationships and society. So all the expressions humans make in reaction to events are interesting to him. They let him learn how humans react to events, in a way he can’t with himself.__

 _ _When faced with an event, you have a choice, and the choice is determined by forces both in and out of your control. Say, choosing a high school to go to. You can choose the high school you want to go to, or you can choose the high school your parents want you to go to, or you can choose the high school your friends are going to, or you don’t even know what high school to choose. Humans have to make a choice, they can make any choice but there are outside forces acting upon them.__

 _ _What about Izaya? He would make a choice, but he would make it without any outside influence. Because he has nothing on the other side of the balance (social status for example), he will just easily and without hesitation make the choice _he_  wants to make. There are no costs or gains to him, it’s just about what he wants.__

 _ _So maybe what he means when he says his humans have surpassed his expectations is that they have acted true to their personal desires and not society’s influence. It may be contradictory again, but expectations doesn’t mean expectations. Like, expectations doesn’t merely mean expectations of what the human will _do_ , it means expectations of what humans _are_ like. And from what humans are like, Izaya can ‘predict’ a multitude of responses and maybe converge on the most likely one with his information. __

 _ _What he cannot predict (but may be able to see) is the choices the human will make when there is nothing in their way. When like him, they become true to only their own desires. Because you don’t get to see that from the outside, since especially in Japan, people hide their emotions and desires. And so when they do, they surpass his expectations of what humans are like.__

 _ _  
__

___‘He always said since high school he liked the limitless potential of humans’_  Now I’m just guessing here, but perhaps it’s because of the Shinra stabbing incident. __

 _ _For the first time, Izaya formed a relationship with a human being. Because he doesn’t have experience with relationships, he didn’t notice how important it was to him until Shinra got stabbed _because of his actions and personal desires_  and he _wasn’t calm._  Izaya **reacted like a normal human being** for the first time in his life when something happened to his only friend. For the first time, he experienced what it was like to have a _cost_  to his actions, and to have an outside force shaping him.__

 _ _And he recognized that, so he decided to take the blame, to control the situation instead of letting it control him. And perhaps after experiencing an external/societal influence, he began to see the limitless potential of humans. He began to crave it. He himself could have reacted in all sorts of different ways, but he chose the choice which would best enable him to stay true to his own desires.__

 _ _However, the Shinra stabbing incident made him realize how brittle his heart really was, how Shinra was living above humanity unlike him, and so he decided to accept everything and love humans unilaterally.__

 _ _And if he decides to still stay detached from society, there’s only one way he can observe the limitless potential of humans. If he can’t use himself because of his fragile heart even though he was finally able to make a social connection, **why not become the force that shapes humans’ actions instead?**  Why not be the one to administer those situations to humans so he can observe the limitless potential of humans’ reactions which he can’t observe in himself? __

> ___“In the end, what I want to see is humans other than myself. How they react in the situation that cannot be expected, to observe that is the biggest motive of my life.”_  
>  __
> 
> ___**\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 11**  
>  ___

__  
__

__  
“I…I told you to give it back! Give it back…arghhh!”  
__

__“…You’re such a fool, you are.”  
__

__Izaya looked **nervous** for a second. He reached for the chair next to him - prepared to fight back -__

 _ _ **Suddenly Shinra burst in and flung himself between the murderous duo.**__

 _ ___

After seeing Shinra’s assured way of giving orders even with such a gaping wound on his side, **Izaya had to obey and fetch him the duct tape.**

In an unusual way Shinra skillfully wrapped his wound up in the duct tape as he _smiled_ at Izaya.

  


“Hahah. Looks like I’m, not, carved out to be a hero…after all.”

“Wouldn’t it be better for you to not speak?” Izaya said.

Shinra looked embarrassed as he said, “I was thinking…that my loved one would praise me if I became a hero…uwahh!”

“Oi oi…”

“It’s fine. Wounds like these don’t kill you that easily. My insides look like they are intact. It was a miracle that he didn’t hurt my peritoneum…uhhh…”

As he watched Shinra prattle on with a deadly pale face, what Izaya felt was –

Envy.

 **He had always thought of himself as being in a position to observe humans and therefore standing on a higher pedestal than those around him.**

But unlike him, Kishitani Shinra was living in a different world in the real sense of the word.

He had put himself in the way of harm from a knife without hesitation. He did it out of neither his sense of right and wrong nor his instinct, but simply a desire to earn someone else’s approval. Was it in any way an easy thing to do? It was true that love made one blind, but what Shinra did was simply not normal.

Shinra’s standards were far departed from any other human’s, even including Izaya’s.

 **Izaya was too anxious back then to properly analyze his feelings.** When he revisited his memories later he reasoned that Shinra was in fact “watching humans from a different world.”

> [And so Izaya took the blame. ](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/130820716111/hey-zs-its-me-call-me-ec-cos-i-guess-i-need-a-name)

Unlike Izaya, Shinra did not harbor fond feelings for humans.

But Izaya still envied him.

He envied the classmate who **resided in a different world than him and the rest of humankind.**

As he watched Shinra – his fingers stopped on his cell phone just as they were about to dial the number for an ambulance.

  


“…Hey, Shinra.”

As his classmate groaned in pain, Izaya asked in a small voice:

 _“That wound, can you tell them that I…did it?”_

“That hurts, ouch…what?”

“In return for that…I’m going to make sure that Nakura is going to regret it for as long as I am alive.”

  


> _Well, leaving that aside…..if I can say one word about Izaya Orihara…….he’s a kid._
> 
>  _He’s just a kid._
> 
>  _He is certainly intelligent and has skills._
> 
>  _But no matter how quick-witted he is, his heart is about that of a middle schooler or high schooler._
> 
>  _His genius and his heart are not being kept at balance._
> 
>  ** _\- Shiki Haruya, Interlude The Man Izaya Orihara ②, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_**

  
(We can take ‘genius’ as the societal standards or social status side of the balance and ‘heart’ as the human desires side of the balance. Though I came up with the theory before I read this. His heart and personal desires exceeds the genius in the eyes of society. He doesn’t care about his genius like he cares for his heart) 

(Or maybe like this)

  


(I’m sorry, I was bored) 

  


In retrospect, Shiki’s perception of Izaya as a kid would make sense. If we take my social conditioning theory into account, middle school would be the point that Izaya decided to completely cast himself away from society.

> _Now that I think of it…It might be the only thing that ever did affect the formation of my personality in a significant way._
> 
>  _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 9**_

  
Because he **foresaw** from the Shinra stabbing incident the effects of social relationships on himself because of his fragile heart, and decided to abandon them all together except for the one he has with Shinra.

(Because Shinra provided the catalyst to **his evolution** )

> Remembering the envy and sense of defeat he had felt back then, he realized that Kishitani Shinra was probably more of a rival than a friend to him.
> 
> Different from Heiwajima Shizuo, whom he hated, Shinra was probably something he should have aspired to be.
> 
> But as soon as he recalled the way Shinra looked right now, he smiled and dismissed the idea altogether. 
> 
> “No way.”   
> 
> 
> _In retrospect Shinra, who lived confidently above this world, did invoke some jealousy in him._
> 
> Yet he was attempting to betray even a friend like that. Not a friend by Izaya’s standards, but a “friend”  as defined by most people in the world.
> 
>  _He’ll probably be mad at me if he finds out that I went to meet Celty taking the head with me._
> 
>  _“_ Haha!”   
> 
> 
> Izaya couldn’t help but laugh slightly as he pictured his only “friend” by the world’s standards getting mad at him.
> 
>  _There is nothing to be afraid of._
> 
>  _This is the way I have lived my life all along,_ he laughed as he thought  – 
> 
>                                                                                                       Laughed  – 
> 
>                                                                                                         Laughed –                                                                                                              
>                                                                                                            Laughed –  
>    
>  He clenched his right fist and slammed it hard into the telephone pole next to him.
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 9_

  
(Why are you using your right fist even though you’re left-handed, Izaya? Because you don’t want to damage your dominant hand? Or a ‘fuck you’ to societal notions including that of right-hands being ‘better’?)

  


Allow me to explain the telephone pole scene.

So Izaya was envious of Shinra for living in a world above humans. Not only that, he felt a sense of defeat like he couldn’t beat Shinra in his detachment from humanity. Ironically he realized when Shinra was stabbed, that his heart was more fragile to societal relationships and influence than he thought. In that way Shinra is something he aspired to be - someone who doesn’t care about societal relationships or standards at all because he’s completely enraptured by something that has nothing to do with humans. So Shinra would be the closest thing he has to a rival in the aspect of detachment from society/humanity (excluding Tsukumoya maybe)

But then right now the thing Shinra was looking at was actually Celty whom he is in love with and since he’s in a romantic relationship Shinra seems to have become like any normal human now (even though his partner is not human). And so Izaya finds amusement at that. That Shinra can’t be a rival to him now. And that he was only jealous of Shinra in retrospect.

So if Shinra can’t be a rival, it would mean he’s a normal human. And if Shinra is a normal human, it would make sense if he were mad at Izaya for jeopardizing his relationship with Celty. (Shinra of course is still not normal because he’s not mad, he tells Manami when she asks him about his weaknesses, but not because he’s angry) Because they’re supposed to be friends, Izaya is supposed to be Shinra’s friend who shouldn’t betray him and his relationship with Celty.    

‘Not a friend by Izaya’s standards, but a “friend” as defined by most people in the world.’ This is what this sentence means. A normal friend - the only one Izaya has. His first and last friendship, because he cast himself away from society completely after the incident in his friendship.

> _There is nothing to be afraid of._
> 
>  _This is the way I have lived my life all along_

The fear Izaya feels (because he has to tell himself there’s no reason to fear) is the **outcome of his actions** on his friendship with Shinra. Just like the Nakura stabbing incident, but different. Different, because this time it’s _intentional._  Izaya didn’t know Shinra would get stabbed in the Nakura stabbing incident, so the outcome was something he couldn’t predict, and his actions were not intentional (at least regarding Shinra). But here, he knows the likely outcome of betraying his friend, his actions are definitely intentional for himself, and yet he still wants to do it. But he’s scared, because Shinra is his only friend and the one who **taught him that his actions have consequences.**  

And Orihara Izaya shouldn’t know the meaning of consequences because he is just eternally true to his own desires - unless it involves the two relationships he has - with Kishitani Shinra and Heiwajima Shizuo.

Shinra may be mad at him, Shinra may not want be friends with him anymore, he might lose his only friend - Izaya doesn’t know. **Izaya doesn’t know exactly what will happen in his relationship with Shinra,**   **his only friend.** _Because ‘_ _The more he had to do with them, the less there was to see’._ But he knows from human observation that betrayal of a friend will result in negative consequences (and thinks that Shinra has become like a normal human in his relationship with Celty) and he’s scared of that. 

And so he has to remind himself that there’s nothing to be afraid of, even if he loses Shinra’s friendship, it is the way he has lived his life all along - being eternally true to his own desires, and as long as he has that, he shouldn’t care about his human relationships or lack thereof.

And if Izaya reacts this way at betrayal of his only friend (and maybe by, since Shinra hung up on him in the hospital) it’s a testament to how brittle and fragile his heart really is to relationships, which would make sense that he decided to disregard them after the Shinra stabbing incident (except, ironically, the relationship that led him to that point). 

(Of course Izaya may not realize he’s putting all his eggs in one basket by having only one friend so that when something happens to that friend or that friend does something to hurt him it will hurt even more than if he had other friends, because he only has one friend.)

Hence why Shiki said his heart is still like a middle schooler or high schooler. Because he cast away all societal influences after the Shinra stabbing incident from middle school onwards (I’ll get to the high school part later)

>   
> 

  


  


So to summarize  – 

  


**Izaya maximized his human potential.  
**

  


> _What a strange guy._
> 
>  _I’ll just keep observing him in the future._
> 
>  _But I have to watch out. Getting too close to him might be dangerous._
> 
>   
> 
> 
> Izaya looked up at the ceiling and chuckled to himself as he reaffirmed the abnormality of the human being called Kishitani Shinra in his head.
> 
> “The King of the Biology Room…huh.”  
> 
> 
> He repeated the title he had given himself and muttered in a low voice, “It’s starting to suit me just fine this way.”
> 
>   
> 
> 
> One month later, however -
> 
> The King of the Biology Room would have to end his reign in the most unexpected way.
> 
> He was to be taken into protective custody for stabbing Kishitani Shinra, the President - **something Izaya couldn’t even in his wildest imagination have forseen.**
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 9_  
> 

  


Izaya, who felt like he was becoming a normal human ‘It’s starting to suit me just fine this way’ unexpectedly met the Nakura stabbing incident which evolved him beyond the potential he thought he had, ‘something Izaya couldn’t even in his wildest imagination have forseen’ - and he sees that reflected in the lives and situations of the humans he loves, where the outcome is something even he can’t forsee.

  


**He changed ‘just a little bit’**

> Although, no matter the result he would happily accept it with a face that ‘it was all according to my calculations.’
> 
> And everyone gets easily fooled by that.
> 
> He sees through all that. Everything up until now was in the palm of his hand.
> 
> They misunderstand that and despair arbitrarily. He enjoys seeing those expressions on people.

He would accept whatever the result is because every outcome is equally valuable to him no matter how unexpected, like that of his own which led to his evolution. And Shinra who saw him when he panicked in the Nakura stabbing incident, sees through that, that everything can’t be according to Izaya’s calculations and he just wants to see people’s expressions to an unexpected situation of despair, in a way he can’t see with himself, and in a way that might lead to the human’s evolution.

> The first time I met him was in middle school.
> 
> We were in the biology club together, but he’s a bit different from back then.
> 
> That’s right, he changed just a little bit.
> 
> It’s not like he is some cutthroat, and naturally he isn’t even some saint.
> 
> Good and evil, strong and weak, love and hate, hopes and despair, capitalism and socialism, conservatives and progressives, aristocracy and democracy…Well, isn’t there many structures of antagonism? Like with love and hate being one in the same, you disregard the difficulty of thinking those things out and think of the simplicity of it in the end.
> 
> If there is a pendulum that swings between those two extreme ideals, then he likes to watch that swing.
> 
>  _\- Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_

Izaya in middle school enjoyed observing humans in their social groups, and ran a baseball gambling ring, probably to see humans’ reactions too.

Shinra is saying Izaya is interested in the process. He’s not so interested in the result, because the result will always be the same.

> If there were no friction or drag (air resistance), a pendulum would keep on moving forever. In reality, each swing sees friction and drag steal a bit more energy from the pendulum and it gradually comes to a halt.

Using Shinra’s pendulum analogy, the pendulum would keep on swinging forever without friction and drag. But there is friction and drag, and Izaya watches that. That means he doesn’t see himself as causing the friction and drag, in this case, the events humans go through, their emotions and feelings, their goals and motives, etc. He likes to observe that, the pendulum swing gradually being stopped by the ‘natural’ friction and drag of humans’ lives. Hope and despair, love and hate, strong and weak – he observes the pendulum swing slowed down by the friction and drag which he’s especially interested in and sees it stop, but isn’t particularly interested in that. He’s interested only because it is the _result_ of the _process_ (friction and drag), he’s not interested in the result for the sake of it himself because the result will always be at equilibrium (just like how the pendulum stops swinging in the middle), but where it was last (which side) before it stopped at equilibrium may be more significant to him.

And since the process is unpredictable (you can’t really calculate friction and drag on humans’ lives), whatever outcome (from which side it swung last), he would happily accept it with a face that ‘it was all according to my calculations.’ (because to Izaya it ends up at equilibrium, like Shinra said, ‘one and the same’) Because he was watching the pendulum swing. 

And perhaps when people misunderstand and despair (not thinking of the simplicity of it all), potential energy (like the potential in humans’ Izaya sees) is converted to kinetic energy (like the actions the humans take) through gravity (Izaya? Lol) in a repeating cycle. The pendulum will swing again, and Izaya can watch that swing again.

And so to Shinra, Izaya hasn’t changed much, he still prefers observing, still detaches himself from humans (thinking the friction and drag of the pendulum is a natural process when it was caused by him; gravity, in the first place – if there wasn’t gravity, the pendulum wouldn’t swing in the first place between the two extreme ideals and experience friction and drag)

 **Repaid the favor** back to Nakura tenfold

Learnt to **control the weapon**

that **started everything**  


until the end

  


And so to quote Kadota, ‘So that guy likes to stand behind the choices people decide on. Even if that clearly is the wrong choice.’   


Because to Izaya who stays eternally true to his own desires and not society’s desires - no choice is a wrong choice.  


(And as Kadota says, Izaya is a surprisingly fair man and so just as his choice in the Shinra stabbing incident wasn’t a wrong choice in his eyes, he will stand behind the choice people decide on even if that clearly is the wrong choice in the eyes of society)

  


  


  


> _But no matter how quick-witted he is, his heart is about that of a middle schooler or high schooler._  
> 
> 
> **_\- Shiki Haruya, ** _Interlude The Man Izaya Orihara ②, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_**_**
> 
>  ** _ ** _  
> _**_**
> 
> _“Although even then you appeared to have a normal life while having a distorted air. Indeed I envy you. That is something I couldn’t do when I was in high school.”_  
> 
> 
> - ** _Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 11_**

  


Something interesting to think about is Izaya’s other human relationship - with Shizuo. 

> _Though my high school years were a complete mess, many thanks to Shizu-chan._
> 
>  _If only he hadn’t existed, I would have been able to carry out my plans so much better._
> 
>  _Now that I think of it, half of my school life felt like it was spent on trying to wipe him off the face of the earth._
> 
>  _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 5**_

  


Besides Shinra, Shizuo is the only relationship Izaya has. This is quite intriguing because Izaya seemed to have abandoned all human relationships (except the one which led to his evolution in the Nakura stabbing incident), yet he still retains a connection to Shizuo.

Perhaps Shinra’s sister can explain why.

  
  


> “As I thought… Since that day, I’ve been ‘observing’ Izaya-san and Heiwajima-san from a distance, too… Izaya-san really likes to give incentive to people to provoke a ‘change’ in them!”
> 
> “Even though I’d like to talk about this sudden change of character… What are you talking about all of a sudden?”
> 
> At Izaya who twisted his neck, Kazane smiled and declared.
> 
> In a sense, it was the words that saw through some of the true nature of Izaya’s sort of man.
> 
> “Orihara-san, you are truly different from Heiwajima-san. I think that this situation can’t be ‘moved’… I’ve heard that you like humans, but… What you really like is the moment when people ‘change’, right…? But, thanks to that… I was saved! Thank you very much!”
> 
> Reminding him of his true nature while also thanking him, Kazane continued to talk about Izaya’s ‘essence’ in a good mood.
> 
> “That’s why, Izaya-san… Even though he ‘changed’ on his own, you can’t change him by your own hand, that’s why you hate Heiwajima-san!”
> 
> -  _Epitome of Eighteen Histories – Orihara Izaya_

  


Now let me give my interpretation of this according to my theory.

To recap, we’ve discussed how Izaya likes to provoke a change in people perhaps because of his own experience with change. And since he has a fragile heart and has already evolved above society and human relationships anyway (to protect his fragile heart) he can’t see that with himself and so he wants to see it with the humans he loves.

> _“Orihara-san, you are truly different from Heiwajima-san. I think that this situation can’t be ‘moved’… I’ve heard that you like humans, but… What you really like is the moment when people ‘change’, right…? But, thanks to that… I was saved! Thank you very much!”_
> 
>  _ **-        Kinomiya Kazane, Epitome of Eighteen Histories – Orihara Izaya**_

Kazane being perceptive sees this. She sees that Izaya likes the moment when people change (with Shinra’s analogy, perhaps the swing of the pendulum).

And then she said Izaya can’t change him by his own hand, which is why he hates Shizuo.

Because Shizuo can change on his own. Which means he’s unpredictable, that his potential is equally as unpredictable as Shinra (whom Izaya felt envious of for being so calm in his predicament while Izaya himself was panicking) and Izaya himself who evolved beyond his own expectations and potential.

And since Izaya can’t change Shizuo by his hand, it means Shizuo is not just another human. Shizuo is sharp and can call out his bullshit, he can’t ‘coax’ Shizuo like he can ‘coax’ other humans. He can’t watch the pendulum swing with Shizuo. 

Because like Izaya and Shinra, Shizuo has abandoned human relationships. He has friends, but he never really allows himself to connect with them. Like Izaya and Shinra, Shizuo doesn’t really feel connections with other humans, and so he can’t be ‘changed’ by them.

And that means Shizuo could be his equal.

 

(This was supposed to be just about Izaya because I wanted to write something focused on just Izaya for once. But it’s intriguing how the example Shinra uses is love and hate, it’s the second time they’re equated to be the same; the first in ‘Hatred and love are two sides of the same coin - a wise someone has once said.’.)

  


Izaya is affected by Shizuo in a way he isn’t affected by anyone else, not even Shinra. Izaya doesn’t hate Shinra, he’s already at ‘equilibrium’ with him, he’s not deviating between two extremes.

But with Shizuo, Izaya hates him. Izaya hates him because he ‘just doesn’t like him’. But one of the reasons is probably because Shizuo makes him feel things he doesn’t want to feel.

If love stems from desires fulfilled, then hate might stand from desires unfulfilled. This reflects Shizuo’s rejection of Izaya at their first meeting. Izaya did not provoke Shizuo, it was only after Shizuo said Izaya pissed him off that he attacked Shizuo.  
  


> _“I see, I see, you are great. You may be able to see many humans objectively. I think you are perfect for a magazine reporter, you know?”_
> 
>  ** _-        Orihara Izaya, Epitome of Eighteen Histories – Orihara Izaya_**

Izaya sees humans objectively in his love for humans. It’s a unilateral love, he loves all humans equally, and so he’s able to see humans objectively.

But Izaya can’t see Shizuo objectively. Because Shizuo is not human (and so is a monster to Izaya) in the sense that Izaya can’t love him on an equal level with other humans. Izaya can only either hate him or love him. Love from finding his desire for an equal who can harness his own human potential like Izaya did himself and hate from that desire not being fulfilled because Shizuo hates him. Because Izaya is in a relationship (of hatred) with Shizuo, and so he expects things from Shizuo in a way he doesn’t with his humans whom he has no connection with.

  


> _Like with love and hate being one in the same, you disregard the difficulty of thinking those things out and think of the simplicity of it in the end._
> 
>  _If there is a pendulum that swings between those two extreme ideals, then he likes to watch that swing._
> 
>  ** _\- Kishitani Shinra, Interlude: The Man Called Izaya Orihara ①, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset_**

  
Going back to the theory of Izaya not being able to see his own evolution because of detachment from relationships, Shizuo may also fulfill that desire of his. Besides Shinra (whom he’s more or less on equilibrium with) Shizuo can make Izaya’s pendulum of his life as a human swing. As Shinra insinuated, love and hate are one and the same, but for Izaya, gravity (Shizuo) has such an impact on him that he’s swinging between those two extreme ideals of love and hate. And he hates it because ‘If only he hadn’t existed, I would have been able to carry out my plans so much better’ but he loves it because ‘That (living a normal life) is something I couldn’t do when I was in high school.”

  


Shizuo gives Izaya back his humanity.

But he also takes Izaya’s humanity away.

Because Shizuo is a monster. His human potential is unpredictable. Izaya can’t change him by his hand, he changes on his own without Izaya knowing.

Disconnected from other humans, he can surpass his own human potential on his own just like Izaya himself.

And so we go back to the[ butterfly and camellia theory](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/125175442246/the-butterfly-and-the-camellia#notes). Where Izaya made himself a Dragon to be on the same level as Shizuo, a Tiger, throwing away his humanity even further because he can only face the monster as another monster.

Perhaps getting even further away from Shizuo, to be on the same level as him.  


 

And thus we come full circle.

Izaya doesn’t despair over humanity, because unlike humans he abandoned human relationships except the one which led to his evolution, because of his fragile heart.

That may be why he’s slightly self-deprecating at times and more human in the Izaya novels. Because for once in his life, he despaired over humanity, let his emotions take over, met with an unpredictable circumstance with Shizuo not killing him and not becoming a monster (perhaps because Izaya didn’t want to be the only monster).

Because his relationship with Shizuo, one-sided as he thinks it is, swinging between hatred and love, has given him back his humanity.

  


Izaya loves humans because his attachment to humanity is the only thing he has left that makes him human.

Izaya may love Shizuo because his attachment to Shizuo can make him feel human.

 

And so we return to the theory of [Desires Twisted to Love](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/127922495846/durarara-desires-twisted-to-love).

Izaya loves humanity, because he wants to be like normal humans but simply isn’t. 

And if Izaya’s love for humanity stems from his desire to be like normal humans, then that attachment is what makes him human and gives him a human heart, the only thing that makes him a human beyond social status and society.

  


And that may be why he hates Shizuo, because Shizuo seems to be a monster, but cares about people and society and is human in a way Izaya can never be. 

  


  


  


* * *

**Sources**

* * *

**Pendulum**

[http://www.explainthatstuff.com/how-pendulum-clocks-work.html](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.explainthatstuff.com%2Fhow-pendulum-clocks-work.html&t=ZTk4Yjk1YzExY2ZmMzVhMGQ4MjExZmI4ZGExYTQ0NTQ2MzlmYWE5YSwzUWR2b2licQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162130922886%2Fa-theory-on-izayas-attachment-to-humanity&m=1)  


[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kNsdhLRzqU0](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DkNsdhLRzqU0&t=YTUzNWRiMTA5NjNiNzRjYjc5ZGNiYmQ1ZmNjMjFmN2I3MjZkNTUwZCwzUWR2b2licQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F162130922886%2Fa-theory-on-izayas-attachment-to-humanity&m=1)  


**Durarara Volume 1, translated by differentclouds**

 **Durarara Volume 5, 6 and 9, translated by annifiesta**

 **Durarara Volume 11, translated by mizaya**

<http://mizaya.tumblr.com/post/55260769132/durarara-translation-index>  


**Orihara Izaya and the Sunset, translated by kaedesan721**

<http://kaedesan721.tumblr.com/post/155910491938/shinra-about-izaya-sunset-novel>  


<http://kaedesan721.tumblr.com/post/157220370413/shiki-on-izaya-orihara>  


<http://kaedesan721.tumblr.com/post/156557814193/kadota-on-izaya>  


<http://kaedesan721.tumblr.com/post/155700881268/densuke-sozoros-entry>  


<http://kaedesan721.tumblr.com/post/159124051533/a-sunset-w-izaya-ch-4-get-rid-of-izaya-orihara>  


**Epitome of Eighteen Histories - Orihara Izaya, translated by xceneolupusx**

<http://xcaneolupusx.tumblr.com/post/145148819265/durarara-epitome-of-eighteen-histories-15>  


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___Analysis of the Saika Arc___

___Let’s talk about the Saika arc.  
___

___In SH, we have this scene.___

 _ _ _  
___

> ____Shizuo fell deeper in thought, and, clicking his tongue, spoke up again.  
>  “Hey, Celty.”  
>  ‘Yeah?’  
>  “Hypothetically, if we got along… If I could get along with Izaya about as well as Shinra, what do you think would have happened?”  
>  ‘That’s an amazing question.’  
>  Celty did not hide her surprise, and probing Shizuo’s intention, asked,  
>  ‘Why are you asking?’  
>  “Nothing… It’s just, that building we ruined one and a half years ago was completed in the past few months…”  
>  ‘Oh, that building.’  
>  One and a half years ago.  
>  In a series of events, Shizuo had wound up in a death match against his nemesis Orihara Izaya.  
>  Izaya’s survival was unclear since he had vanished from the city, but scars of their incredible fight had been etched onto the city itself.  
>  There had even been a giant explosion in a building under construction, but the crime could not be pinned since Izaya, the one responsible, had disappeared.  
>  The police could have realised Shizuo was related to it, but seeing as he had yet to be remanded for questioning, one could imagine they had let it go, or there was some special arrangement within the department.  
>  The building’s construction had been delayed due to the explosion, and Celty remembered the completion date was during her and Shinra’s vacation.  
>  “I was recalling what happened there… And I don’t want to even imagine it, but I was thinking, if I got along with that flea, maybe it could have saved this city loads of trouble…”  
>  　—That’s not…  
>  true, Celty typed, but her fingers stopped.  
>  Because she realised that indeed, had Shizuo and Izaya been on speaking terms, the victims who had been embroiled in their fights would have had much more peace in their lives.  
>  Of course, this was including Celty herself.  
>  ‘Well, that might be true, but it might have been disastrous, too.’  
>  “Really?”  
>  ‘Yeah. There’s no way Izaya would have ever become a good guy. If you got along with him he could have used you to start terrible things.’  
>  “Yeah… That’s true.”  
>  Shizuo sighed lightly, and said to his friend, the Headless Rider,  
>  “That Yahiro guy, in the middle of our fight… How to put it? He… He seemed happy. He’s probably only been forced into fights he hated all this time.”  
>  ‘Forced to fight?’  
>  “Yeah. When I went all out for the first time in my life, against those people controlled by that sword… I had fun, too. Just a little.”  
>  As if embarrassed that he was saying this, Shizuo switched the conversation to the future instead.  
>  “Maybe he felt the same thing as me back then… If you’re such a strong fighter, it’s going to attract all kinds of people. If the flea was still here, he would have approached him.”____
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara SH Volume 2___

 _ _  
__

__Shizuo brought up Izaya, which he has never done before. In fact, in the past everyone was afraid to mention Izaya in front of him because Shizuo would automatically get pissed off at hearing Izaya’s name. Shizuo would get pissed off at any mere implication of Izaya, such as how he was pissed off at the guy carrying three phones because it reminded him of the flea.__

 _ _But here Shizuo brings up Izaya to Celty, after asking Celty if she remembered him, which means Izaya has been gone for so long and forgotten that Shizuo thinks no one remembers Izaya except him. Because Shizuo is asking Izaya’s courier if she remembers him.__

 _ _Shizuo said it’s because the building he and Izaya ruined in their death match where he seriously tried to kill Izaya, was completed in the past few months – according to Celty, during her and Shinra’s vacation.__

 _ _‘Izaya’s survival was unclear since he had vanished from the city, but scars of their incredible fight had been etched onto the city itself.’ They ruined the building one and a half years ago. Which means for over a year, Shizuo has been remembering Izaya and their death match when everyone has forgotten him.__

 _ _Shizuo also asked what would have happened if he could get along with Izaya about as well as Shinra \- Shinra is Izaya’s only friend. From wanting to kill Izaya and getting pissed off at any mention of him to wanting to be someone important to Izaya  (as important as the guy who introduced Izaya to him, who told him he introduced his friend from elementary school to his friend from middle school), Shizuo’s impression of Izaya has definitely improved. Shizuo said later it’s because of Yahiro, but even before Yahiro came, Shizuo was already remembering Izaya for over a year, when there has been no trace of him. Yahiro seemed to be the catalyst for Shizuo to bring up the possibility of getting along with Izaya.__

 _ _  
__

> ___‘Well, that might be true, but it might have been disastrous, too.’  
>  “Really?”  
>  ‘Yeah. There’s no way Izaya would have ever become a good guy. If you got along with him he could have used you to start terrible things.’  
>  “Yeah… That’s true.”  
>  Shizuo sighed lightly, and said to his friend, the Headless Rider,  
>  “That Yahiro guy, in the middle of our fight… How to put it? He… He seemed happy. He’s probably only been forced into fights he hated all this time.”  
>  ‘Forced to fight?’  
>  “Yeah. When I went all out for the first time in my life, against those people controlled by that sword… I had fun, too. Just a little.”  
>  _  
>  __

__Although Shizuo agreed with Celty that Izaya would have made use of him, it’s still significant he brought up the possibility in the first place when in the past he was like this –__

> ___“I think asking Izaya would be the fastest. As long as you’re honest, you can work hard together. What do you think?”  
>  ‘Crack!’ the cup Shizuo was holding broke apart and multiple shards fell.  
>  Tea spilled over his hands and knees, Shizuo’s face twitched and after a few seconds said.  
>  “…..Sorry, I can compensate, Celty.”  
>  “Huh? How come not to me, you only apologized to Celt—Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”  
>  Shinra had tilted his head, Shizuo pinched the side of his neck and pulled it towards the ceiling.  
>  “Regardless if it’d be good or bad….. I have never been on good terms with that flea!”  
>  “Calm down, brother.”  
>  “……I know, excuse me.”  
>  At the moment, Shizuo had the urge to throw Shinra out the window, Kasuka admonished his brother without showing a hint of expression on his face, but Shizuo slowly returned the doctor to the floor.___
> 
>  _ _ _\- Durarara Volume 8___

 _ _And then he said this –__

> ___“That Yahiro guy, in the middle of our fight… How to put it? He… He seemed happy. He’s probably only been forced into fights he hated all this time.”  
>  ‘Forced to fight?’  
>  “Yeah. When I went all out for the first time in my life, against those people controlled by that sword… I had fun, too. Just a little.”___

 _ _Durarara is about connections, about how seemingly unrelated things connect together eventually. After bringing up Izaya, Shizuo mentioned how Yahiro was happy in the fight with him and it reminded him of how he had fun when fighting against Saika and was happy too. Yahiro was happy fighting Shizuo because he could go all out against someone.__

> ___“I wonder if… it’s fine for me to be human.”___
> 
>  _ _- _**Miuzuchi Yahiro, Durarara SH Volume 1**___

 _ _  
__

__Because even though he experienced the greatest fear ever when fighting Shizuo, he lost a fight for the first time and felt happy when he did. Because it felt to him like he was normal, that he wasn’t such a monster if there was a monster like Heiwajima Shizuo who could beat him. That maybe he and Shizuo are both monsters, or he (and Shizuo) are human. He had gone all out against someone, and lost.__

 _ _It’s a reflection of Shizuo in the Saika arc. Shizuo won, because he’s the strongest human, but like Yahiro, he was happy at being able to release his full strength against someone.__

> ___“Nah, Celty…to be honest, I’m actually happy..”___
> 
>  _ _ _“Huh…?” This reaction was not what Saika expected, either. The people in the crowd gave one another confused looks.___
> 
>  _ _ _“I’ve always despised this strength I was given. I thought no one would ever accept me for what I am.,” Shizuo stated. There was a variety of emotions in his voice as he spoke of his past.___
> 
>  _ _ _“The thing is…now I don’t have to worry anymore. Look at how many people love me. One, two…well, let’s just say ‘a lot.’ So…it’s all fine now,” he said, grinding his teeth with pleasure.___
> 
>  _ _ _“I mean, I can accept who I am now, right?” he said, clenching his fists with enjoyment.___
> 
>  _ _ _“I can like myself for what I am, right?” he said, his eyes wide with bliss as he tucked his sunglasses into his pocket.___
> 
>  _ _ _“This power I’ve tried and tried and tried to get rid of, because I hated it so, so so much…But now it’s okay for me to accept it, right? It’s okay for me to use it, right?”___
> 
>  _ _ _“I can – I can finally use my full power, right?”___
> 
>  _ _ _And in the next instant, for the first time in his life, Shizuo Heiwajima willingly used all of his power. Not in the grips of rage, like always…But out of joy that something loved his power.___
> 
>  _ _ _What he said next plunged the Saikas into despair.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Oh, just for the record, people like y’all are not, at all, even the slightest, my type of partner.”___
> 
>  _ _ _“The one thing I can say for you…is that I only hate you second most after Izaya.”___
> 
>  _ _ _-         Durarara Volume 2 (official translation)___

 _ _It was the turning point for his violence to become strength.__

> ___Shizuo noticed that one of the slashers coming after him suddenly lost the will to fight and he gave his body an order with all of his mind and spirit.___
> 
>  _ _ _Just one word: Stop.___
> 
>  _ _ _That had never worked before. The cells, ruled by his anger, always continued their destruction until everything was finished.___
> 
>  _ _ _But this was different.___
> 
>  _ _ _Shizuo was not ruled by anger now.___
> 
>  _ _ _It was joy. He was using his strength of his own will, out of nothing but joy.___
> 
>  _ _ _Stop…Stop…stop,, damn you!___
> 
>  _ _ _Finally, his anger appeared, its momentum focused at all of his own cells. The fist that threatened to crush the face of the oncoming but nonhostile slasher, now just an ordinary, harmless person…___
> 
>  _ _ _Stopped right before making contact with the nose and went still.___
> 
>  _ _ _“…Ha-ha.”___
> 
>  _ _ _Shizuo looked at the halted fist and realized he was laughing.___
> 
>  _ _ _“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…”___
> 
>  _ _ _It was the laughter of an innocent child and the laughter of an insane killer.___
> 
>  _ _ _What the hell?___
> 
>  _ _ _About time you finally started listening to me.___
> 
>  _ _ _Behind him was the by-product of that personal victory.___
> 
>  _ _ _An entire field of Saikas, beaten until they couldn’t move again, and a pile of broke blades in all shapes and sizes, snapped in half by Shizuo’s shadow-gloved hands.___
> 
>  _ _ _But none was them was dead.___
> 
>  _ _ _He swung his fists with a different emotion than anger. It was pleasure – still a twisted emotion to utilize for fighting – but the result was that he’d been able to hold back for once.___
> 
>  _ _ _It was the moment that violence turned to strength for Heiwajima Shizuo.___

 _ _It was the Saika incident that let Shizuo realize his strength could be used out of his own free will.__

 _ _He accepted his strength, and with acceptance of his strength, he was able to control it and hold back.__

 _ _Because he was happy at being able to use his full strength against someone without them being hurt.__

 _ _Because that would mean his strength doesn’t necessarily make him a monster.__

 _ _ _Someone_ loving his strength gave Shizuo the confidence to use his strength, and not let it control him.__

 _ _  
__

__  
__

__And who was behind the Slasher incident? Izaya.__

 _ _But before that famous apartment scene we have this –__

> ___It drifted.___
> 
>  _ _ _And drifted.___
> 
>  _ _ _Everything drifted away from the boy.___
> 
>  _ _ _He only wanted to be loved by someone.___
> 
>  _ _ _He only wanted to love someone___
> 
>  _ _ _The shy boy didn’t even have the bravery to control himself.___
> 
>  _ _ _He was afraid of hurting the one he loved.___
> 
>  _ _ _So he decided not to love anyone.___
> 
>  _ _ _Feared, feared, and unloved.___
> 
>  _ _ _Time evolved the boy into a monster.___
> 
>  _ _ _If there was a god in this world whose purpose was to control violence,  
>  then the boy must have earned this god’s love.___
> 
>  _ _ _More than anyone and anything.___
> 
>  _ _ _ _\-         Durarara Volume 2 (official translation)_  
>  ___

__He only wanted to be loved by someone. He only wanted to love someone.__

 _Shizuo hates himself. He hates himself because he hates violence and he is the personification of violence. He hates himself because he can’t love – because he would end up hurting the one he loved._

 _And so, for Shizuo to love someone, that person must love him. Shizuo can only love if he’s loved first. Just like with Saika, he can only love and accept himself and his strength if someone loved his power._

 _ _So he decided not to love anyone. Feared, feared, and unloved._ _Time evolved the boy into a monster.__

 _Shizuo decided not to love anyone because he’s afraid of hurting the person he loves. He doesn’t have the confidence to control his strength. And so he can’t accept his strength, and his strength remained violence. And that made people fear him, and no one loved him, and he became isolated and alone, making him hate himself even more and think he’s a monster._

> _As the Saikas continued to close in, regardless of the challenge, Shizuo found a smile creeping over his features._
> 
>  _ _Don’t get the wrong idea, you idiots.__
> 
>  _ _No one will love me because they’re all scared? Don’t make me laugh.__
> 
>  _ _I’m the one who’s scared.__
> 
>  _ _It’s me.__
> 
>  _ _I’m the world’s biggest coward.__
> 
>  _ _Because I’m scared of what I should trust the most – myself.__
> 
>  _ _But so what?__
> 
>  _ _Me being a coward and destroying you assholes have nothing to do with each other!__
> 
>  _ _Besides.__
> 
>  _ _I can’t afford to get knocked on my ass in front of someone who actually loves me, can I?__

 _Shizuo says this in that scene - _No one will love me because they’re all scared? Don’t make me laugh. I’m the one who’s scared. It’s me. I’m the world’s biggest coward. Because I’m scared of what I should trust the most – myself.__

 _Shizuo admits he’s a coward, because he’s scared of himself – of letting himself love someone because he’s afraid he would hurt the person with his violence._

> __“Oh, just for the record, people like y’all are not, at all, even the slightest, my type of partner.”__
> 
>  _ _“The one thing I can say for you…is that I only hate you second most after Izaya.”__
> 
>  _ _ **-         Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 2 (official translation)**__

 _Now doesn’t this not make sense?_

 _Shizuo was so happy at having people who loved his strength. He was happy at being able to like and accept himself and his strength. The narration essentially said for Shizuo to love someone, someone must love him first._

 _And that’s what the Saika did – they loved Shizuo. So why did he say he hated them – and Izaya?_

 _Let’s go back to Shizuo’s character weakness _-_ _He was afraid of hurting the one he loved. So he decided not to love anyone.__

> __It was not that the boy had never fallen for a woman before.  
>    
>  But since he was not able to control his power, he ended up giving her serious injuries despite having meant to save her.  
>    
>  That was not an isolated incident; the same thing happened over and over in an endless cycle.  
>    
>  Until - he had forgotten when that was - there was not a single soul left who was willing to get close to him.   
>    
>  Things had remained this way even after he had grown up. Only one Orihara Izaya approached him - but often only with the intention of using him. Of course, Izaya was male, so it could never have anything to do with affection or love to begin with.  
>    
>  At some point, the boy came to a realization.  
>    
>  It was not an epiphany - just something he gradually came to learn in the cycle that kept repeating itself -   
>    
>  All he wanted was to be loved by someone.  
>    
>  But he could not love anyone.  
>    
>  \- Because he invariably ended up hurting the ones he loved once they got closer to him. __
> 
>  _ _\- Durarara Volume 2__

 _  
_

_And what’s the point of the Saika arc? To show that Shizuo can accept and like himself and his strength and be happy with using it if someone loved it._

 _And who does Shizuo use his superhuman strength on? Who is the one he always executes violence on? Who is the one he always chases after, whom he gives more than three minutes of his life to even though he pisses him off?_

 _Who was the one who made him become a monster – _just like he always feared how he would become a monster if he hurt the one he loved?__

 _ _  
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> __“In the end, it might have been thanks to her that I’m still human… I missed my chance to thank her…”__
> 
>  _ ** _-         Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 13 Epilogue_**_

 _Izaya._

 _So following this logic, just like the Saikas who gave him joy because they loved his strength, shouldn’t Shizuo actually love Izaya instead?_

 _Because Shizuo can’t love anyone because he hates himself, because he hates himself so much he can’t  give love from the self he hates._

 _And so he can only give Izaya hate._

 _And drawing from the theory of _[hatred forming from misplaced expectations of personal desires –](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/148814652606/shizuo-is-true-to-his-emotions-izaya-is-honest#notes)__

 _Perhaps Shizuo did indeed desire something from Izaya –_

> __Only one Orihara Izaya approached him - but often only with the intention of using him. Of course, Izaya was male, so it could never have anything to do with affection or love to begin with.  
>  _  
>  _

> __All he wanted was to be loved by someone.  
>    
>  But he could not love anyone.  
>    
>  \- Because he invariably ended up hurting the ones he loved once they got closer to him. __

 _It almost sounds like Shizuo had been expecting ‘affection or love’ from Izaya who approached him._

 _And that he wouldn’t mind being loved by a man, because all he wanted was to be loved by someone._

 _And so he grew to hate Izaya because he was scared to give Izaya love, and also because Izaya didn’t fulfill his personal desire to be loved._

 _Because Izaya being Izaya, wanted to control Shizuo instead –_

> __He really was hard to handle.__
> 
>  _ _Ever since high school, Izaya had used everything at his disposal to get to where he was. There was only one person who never acted the way Izaya wanted him to, and that was Heiwajima Shizuo.__
> 
>  _ _At first, I actually thought I could control Shizu-chan, Izaya thought ruefully to himself as the motorcycle rode off.__
> 
>  _ _“How does an amoeba like him get so sharp?”__
> 
>  _ _His smile was one of both pure joy and irritation.__
> 
>  _ _“This is exactly why I hate you so much.”__
> 
>  _ _-         Durarara Volume 2 (official translation)__

 _And before that we have the apartment scene._

> __“If only I had a reason to believe that other 1%, we would’ve been on much better terms…isn’t that right, Izaya-kun?”__
> 
>  _ _-_ **_Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 2_**_

 _  
_

_But what is interesting is this –_

 _  
_

> __If there was a god in this world whose purpose was to control violence,  
>  then the boy must have earned this god’s love.__
> 
>  _ _More than anyone and anything.__

 __

 _This was immediately before the apartment scene where Izaya says with ‘joy and irritation’, that he hates Shizuo._

 _And with my unrequited love theory and Katte ni Shiyagare, we know that’s not entirely true. Izaya hates Shizuo because he hates how much he loves him even though he doesn’t want to._

 _Just like Shizuo who experienced joy at being loved by Saika, Izaya too is joyful that he can love Shizuo, the personification of violence, ‘ _More than anyone and anything’_. _

__

__“That - is why I hate you so much, Shizu-chan.”__

 _ _- **Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 2**__

 __

 _ _“The one thing I can say for you…is that I only hate you second most after Izaya.”__

 _ _- **Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 2 (official translation)**__

 _So, is it really hate?_

 _  
_

_Episode 16 with the apartment scene and Shizuo and Izaya saying they hate each other is titled, ‘Mutual Love’_

 _Episode 31, narrated by Izaya, where Shizuo and Izaya finally meet again before their death match is titled, ‘No Love Lost’_

 _Is it really hate?_

 _Shizuo hates Izaya because Izaya makes him use the violence he hates, making him hate himself even more when Izaya could have been the one to love him – and the one he could have loved._

 _Izaya hates Shizuo because Shizuo hates him when he loves him, and so he hates Shizuo back, so his brittle heart wouldn’t break with the suffering of unrequited love_

 _  
_

_Izaya doesn’t want to love because he’s afraid love would make his brittle heart break._

 _Shizuo doesn’t want to love because he’s afraid of hurting the person he loves._

 _  
_

_Izaya has taken upon punishment onto himself of not letting himself rehabilitate, because he failed to accept Shizuo as human._

 _Shizuo misses Izaya because the city has quietened down without him and there’s nothing to use his strength for, and wonders what it would have been like if they were close._

 _It’s a story of twisted love._

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___Durarara: Desires Twisted To Love_ _ _

___**Why they love each other:** _ _ _

___Mikado: Loves Anri because she looks ordinary but is the **extraordinary** **he craved** when he came to the ordinary looking Ikebukuro  
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___Anri: Likes/loves Mikado because he treats her like a **normal person** (like Mika whom she admired)_ _ _

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___Masaomi: Loves Saki because she **accepts him** with all his flaws and doubts and he doesn’t have to perform in front of her_ _ _

___Saki: Loves Masaomi because he is what Izaya wanted for her, but turned out to be what drove her to finally go against Izaya and **be her own person**_ _ _

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___Shinra: Loves Celty because she is **something out of the world** \- and is the _kind person he never got to be__ _ _

__Celty: Loves Shinra because he stayed with her, would go to great lengths and do bad things for her sake, but can _love her as a person_. He gave her an **identity** even without her memories_ _

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__Seiji: Loves Mika’s **face, same as the Head which he loves and desires.**_ _

__Mika: Loves Seiji because she loves Seiji, **loves her love** for Seiji because she can love him. **Loves herself who loves Seiji, for herself whom fell in love with him at first sight; desire to love herself twisted to desire to love Seiji**_ _

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__Kasuka: Loves Ruri because even though she is a monster, she is the **human who can show emotions** he wants to be_ _

__Ruri: Loves Kasuka because he considers himself a monster with his expressionless face and lack of emotion, but is **human** like she wants to be, and **makes her seem normal and human** in comparison_ _

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__Mairu & Kururi: Love each other because they assigned traits to each other and **love the traits they don’t have.** Love Kasuka because he is **the perfect human being, the ‘Perfect Superman’**_ _

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__**Why they love:** _ _

__Erika & Yumasaki: Loves anime and manga, BL and Yuri because their imagination can **replace and become their reality**_ _

__Chikage: Loves his women because they **live the normal life** **he can’t**_ _

__Namie: Loves Seiji because it’s **natural** to her (?) and gives her the **independence and pride to succeed**_ _

__Varona: Loves fighting and killing to **test human fragility** _,_ in her desire for knowledge, to ‘confirm’.Loves Ikebukuro because it lets her test human fragility and strength._ _

__Akabayashi: Loved Sayaka because she **stopped him and changed him to become a better person which he wanted to be**_ _

__Adabashi: Loves Ruri because of his **twisted desire to destroy her**_ _

__Simon: Loves peace because it’s **something he didn’t have** in Russia_ _

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__Shizuo: Loves peace because it’s **something he wanted but could never have**_ _

__Izaya: Loves humans because it’s **his desire to love humans and their potential**_ _

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__**Why they could love each other:** _ _

__Izaya: Could love Shizuo because without the natural limiter of the human body, he is the human with the most **human potential, _who surpasses his expectations the most._**_ _

__Shizuo: Could love Izaya because he is the one person who was **never afraid of him despite his violence and monstrous strength** and he could give him the _**peace of mind** _he’s always wanted. Could love Izaya because **he’s someone who could love him**_ _

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___Because love is not selfless but selfish, and humans love people who can fulfill their personal desires_ _ _

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___Shizaya translation_ _ _

##  ____Spoilers for the novels, all the way up to volume 13._ _ _ _

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__**What he says:** _ _

___“He never acts like how I want him to.”_ _ _

___“He’s so unpredictable that it’s annoying.”_ _ _

___“I love all humans, except Shizu-chan.”_ _ _

___“He’s a monster.”_ _ _

___“He pisses me off.”_ _ _

___“He takes my humans away from me.”_ _ _

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___  
_ _ _

___“I don’t even wanna talk about him…for me, it’s enough to just have to know about him.”_ _ _

___“The only reason I want to know his information is that he is a pain to deal with. But that is enough to piss the heck out of me…”_ _ _

___“…And you’re not willing to believe the other 1%?”_ _ _

___“Really, that guy is too hard to deal with. Since high school I’ve made use of everything I could to get my hands on all that I call my own now. Only one person refused to do as I hoped under all circumstances. That’s Heiwajima Shizuo.”_ _ _

___"…Really…why so sharp, when you’ve got such a protozoic brain?”_ _ _

___“That - is why I hate you so much, Shizu-chan.”_ _ _

___ _

___“Ah, but you can have the one you love so much, Shizu-chan. I don’t want him. I’m praying you’ll get him as soon as possible, so keep it up. …That’s all; bye.”_ _ _

___”Just as there are people like you who I can predict… there are humans like Simon or Shizu-chan who surpass my expectations. That’s why I can’t help but love, love, love humans… Ahh, yeah. That’s definitely why I can keep doing this shitty job. …It’s so fun it’s nauseating.”_ _ _

___ _

___“…It was nothing but a stinky pile of memories anyway, including how I came to meet Shizu-chan.”_ _ _

___ _

___“About Shizu-chan I have nothing to say. Except that I wonder when he’s going to die – hopefully sooner. Well, on second thought, giving him living hell wouldn’t be half bad either.”_ _ _

___“Really, it’s getting me all nostalgic. Though my high school years were a complete mess, many thanks to Shizu-chan.”_ _ _

___“If only he hadn’t existed, I would have been able to carry out my plans so much better. Now that I think of it, half of my school life felt like it was spent on trying to wipe him off the face of the earth.”_ _ _

___ _

___“I guess that means you’ve grown somewhat as a human being. Except that in your case, it’s not growth – more like degeneration.”_ _ _

___“What’s the meaning of growing up as a human being when you’re far from a human being to begin with? There’s no way out for you except to use force.”_ _ _

___“…Anyhow, he sure does made me mad. I never thought Shizu-chan was capable of maturing as a person.”_ _ _

___ _

___“_ _If it’s “him”, he’d probably have come charging all the way here without a second thought. Wouldn’t it be just gratifying to watch him become the criminal who rampaged the hospital for no reason and finally get to serve the time he deserves in a prison cell?”_ _ _

___“Whoops, too bad, Shizu-chan doesn’t even watch the news since he’ll just punch the TV into disrepair every time the news pisses him off.”_ ___ _

___ _

___“Though, that Russian’s daughter as Shizu-chan’s subordinate. After all, humans are so interesting.”_ _ _

___“Ah, Shizu-chan and Kida-kun huh…? You’re still managing a feeble existence, Shizu-chan!”_ _ _

___ _

___“Thank goodness. From the look on my sisters’ faces I thought it was Shizu-chan.”_ _ _

___“Also it will be the worst situation ever if Shizu-chan finds me here when things are getting out of hand.”_ _ _

___“That is a misunderstanding. I already see every human being in the world, Shinra included, as my friend, lover and family…with the exception of Shizu-chan, of course.”_ _ _

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___“Huh… I’m surprised. It’d be one thing if it were a child with a taste for monsters, but to think Shizu-chan could win over a full-grown girl.”_ _ _

___“Why…do you think Shizu-chan’s a hindrance?”_ _ _

___ _

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___“He gives me a feeling of inferiority I don’t like.”_ _ _

___“There’s no real reason, I just don’t like him.”_ _ _

___“I’ve probably said this before, but do you really think helping humans is going to make them love you?”_ _ _

___ _

___“I don’t really care if I die. But if it comes to that, I cannot let this monster live. In a world I don’t exist, a monster like this, living amongst humans…A monster with the mask of a human, quashing people with his strength…Love, hope, malice, strategy, knowledge, technique, experience…All humanity has accumulated - he destroys completely.”_ _ _

___“I have to kill him after all, logic or no.”_ _ _

___“That’s right. I came to exterminate a monster. Not to run.”_ _ _

___“…do it, monster.”_ _ _

___“…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”_ _ _

___“Ahh… First would be to get out of this city… Go somewhere far, if possible…”_ _ _

___“Because I would rather die… than be seen by a monster.”_ _ _

___ _

__**What he means:** _ _

__“He never treats me tenderly like how he treats his friends, even though I’ve been in his life for eight years going on nine.”_ _

__“It’s annoying that he’s unpredictable, because he always surpasses my expectations which I love. And makes me have a personal bias - which is annoying like a wrench in the gears for equality.”_ _

__“Shizu-chan is the only human I can’t love on the same level as my humans.”_ _

__“He’s not a human I can love on the same level as my humans, so he must be a monster.”_ _

__“He pisses me off with these unrequited feelings I have for him.”_ _

__“He won’t even let me seek refuge in my unrequited love for humans when he takes them away from me and makes me see my unrequited love for him.”_ _

__

___2_ _ _

__“I don’t even want to talk about him. It’s enough that I need information on him.”_ _

__“I need to know about him because knowledge is power and I can’t turn down the possibility of having power over these unpredictable feelings he gives me. That’s why I need to learn how to deal with him, though even that pisses me off…”_ _

__“You’re not willing to give me even a 1% chance?”_ _

__“Shizu-chan is the only one I can’t make use of. He’s the only one who can see through me. He’s the only human whom I want to be mine, but isn’t mine. That’s Heiwajima Shizuo.”_ _

__“Really, why can you see through my plans with that sharpness of yours, when you’re usually such a simple minded protozoic brain?”_ _

__“That – is why I hate that I love you so much, Shizu-chan.”_ _

___3_ _ _

__“I don’t want to love him. It’d be nice if you could use that demon sword to cut him and turn him from a human to a walking zombie. Because I love only humans. And I can’t love my humans if you possess them, so please do that to Shizu-chan as soon as possible so I wouldn’t have to love him.”_ _

__”Just as there are people like you who I can predict… there are humans like Simon or Shizu-chan who surpass my expectations. That’s why I can’t help but love, love, love humans… Ahh, yeah. That’s definitely why I can keep doing this shitty job. …It’s so fun it’s nauseating. I disgust myself with how much fun I’m having. It’s like I’m the real monster here  - but, I suppose that’s suitable for a horrible human being like me. Even so, I’ll always remain true to my own desires – well, even if I say it it’s not like you’ll listen to me anyway. _”__ _

___4_ _ _

__“…It was nothing but a stinky pile of memories anyway, including how I came to meet Shizu-chan. Shinra introduced me to him and I fell in unrequited love just like he did for Celty. That ‘thing’ he was looking at that he could ignore humans…well it turned out I gained a monster of my own. Ah, I really hate him.”_ _

___5_ _ _

__“About Shizu-chan I have nothing to say. Except that I wonder when he’s going to die – hopefully sooner. Well, on second thought, giving him living hell wouldn’t be half bad either. I’ll make him suffer like he did me.”_ _

__“Really, it’s getting me all nostalgic. Though my high school years were a complete mess, many thanks to my hated love Shizu-chan.”_ _

__“If only he hadn’t existed, I would have been able to carry out my plans so much better. I wouldn’t be deterred by that hateful love, and be living only for myself as I’d planned. Now that I think of it, half of my high school life felt like it was spent on trying to wipe him off the face of the earth.”_ _

___6_ _ _

__“You should just accept your superhuman strength, you’re already above normal humans in human potential, trying to be like other humans is like degeneration for you.”_ _

__“What’s the meaning of growing up as a human being when you’re far from a human being to begin with? Humans don’t consider you as one of them. You’ll never be like them, they’ll never accept you as human. There’s no way out for you except to use force.”_ _

__“It makes me mad that Shizu-chan is showing he’s human.”_ _

___7_ _ _

__“I want him to come visit me, even if it’s with violent intentions as usual. It’d be great if he could serve the time he deserves in a prison cell so I can forget about him.”_ _

__“That’s right, Shizu-chan doesn’t watch TV, so he doesn’t know I was stabbed. That’s why he didn’t come to visit me.”_ _

___8_ _ _

__“Why can he accept Varona who’s killed humans and attacked him, but not me?”_ _

__“Why can he forgive Masaomi, but he can’t forgive me?”_ _

___9_ _ _

__“So it wasn’t Shizu-chan.”_ _

__“Why hasn’t Shizu-chan found me yet? Isn’t he mad at me for sending a little girl after him and framing him with the Awakusu-kai? He’s being unpredictable again…”_ _

__“Shizu-chan is my monster, whom I can’t love on the same level as my humans. He’s the only exception of my unilateral love.”_ _

___10_ _ _

__“He’s not allowed to be human, and have such a disgustingly human relationship with that Russian’s daughter.”_ _

__“First Namie, and now Shizu-chan? Is she planning to get rid of him too? No that’s illogical with Shizu-chan’s strength, it must be something else…”_ _

___12_ _ _

__“I don’t like the feeling of inferiority I get when he doesn’t return my love for him and hates me. He didn’t even come to kill me when I was in the hospital. I’m not even significant enough to him. We don’t even get along, even though he can get along with everyone else…except me. It’s as if I’m in some way, inferior to my humans, and his friends.”_ _

__“Love has no reason.”_ _

__“Why can’t you see there’s already a human who loves you, standing right here in front of you?”_ _

___13_ _ _

__“I don’t really care if I die. But if it comes to that, I cannot let this monster live. In a world I don’t exist, a monster like this, living amongst humans…A monster with the mask of a human, quashing people with his strength… Love, hope, malice, strategy, knowledge, technique, experience… All humanity has accumulated, he destroys completely. Depriving my humans of their choices, of their own personal goals, just like he did with me. I won’t let him do the same with the humans I love – I won’t let him destroy humanity.”_ _

__“He needs to die, along with my feelings for him.”_ _

__“That’s right. I came to exterminate a monster. A monster I can’t love on an equal level as my humans. Not to run away from these feelings, but to destroy them completely.”_ _

__“…do it, monster.”_ _

__“…you’re human. As human as anyone anywhere.”_ _

__“Ahh… First would be to get out of this city… Go somewhere far, if possible…put some distance between myself and him…”_ _

__“Because I would rather die than let him see how weak I am with this unrequited love for him.”_ _

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
Do you think that we will able to see the fight beetwen shizuo and izaya in the next season? (THAT fight , if you know what i mean)  


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If you’re talking about the Volume 13 fight, then definitely. In fact I think they may be rushing things this season so they can have enough episodes for the Shizuo-Izaya death match in Volume 13 next season as well as everything else. Who knows they may even flashback to Izaya knowing Varona is Shizuo’s kouhai and him hearing how Shizuo forgave Masaomi for the Izaya admitting Shizuo makes him feel inferior part. Maybe. (Or maybe I just really want to see those scenes still)

If you’re talking about the April Fool Bacon Lettuce ‘fight’, well it definitely won’t be in the next season? It’s not part of the novels, just like the Durarara gaiden (Bloody White Day for Shizuo, Izaya declaring he’s a masochist to Aoba). But at least those are still part of the novels, like side stories that actually happened in canon and has relevance to the plot (at least Izaya’s gaiden has). If it will be included it’ll probably be in a drama CD or something, I don’t think it will be in an official manga (?) or an OVA? If it is, that’ll be pretty bold. 

Speaking of Bloody White Day am I just imagining things or was Shizuo’s love letter from Izaya the only one with a heart shaped seal?

 _‘Pink-themed decorations lined the edges of the envelope, which was itself secured with a heart-shaped seal’_ VS  _‘In Shinra’s shoe box there was an exact same envelope laced in pink like the one in Shizuo’s had been.’_ and  _‘Just as he expected, Shinra found envelopes laced in pink in all of them.’_

No mention of a heart-shaped seal for the letters for Shinra and the other boys lol. Or maybe I’m thinking too much. But I can see Izaya using the opportunity to subtly express his feelings for Shizuo, he’s a sneaky bastard like that. Or he came up with Bloody White Day ‘cause he wanted to ‘confess’ to Shizuo -

> _Izaya paused for a moment here and resumed talking with a sly smile on his face.  
>    
>  “Is your love so weak as to be still bound by the stupid tradition that says only girls can give boys chocolates on Valentine’s?“ _
> 
>  _\- Kishitani Shinra’s Gaiden_

>  _"I didn’t get the chance to give you something very important on Valentine’s Day. I want to exchange it for your cookies. I’ll be waiting for you in Raijin High School’s Second Ground at 5 p.m..”_
> 
>  _\- Heiwajima Shizuo’s Gaiden  
>  _  
> 

If so…Izaya you really are a sly bastard. Making Shizuo chase you on Valentine’s Day in the Black and White Special of you two wasn’t enough for you huh?

(And you can’t even use your own gaiden to express your feelings. Noooo you must use Shinra’s and Shizuo’s.)

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
I just read the butterfly effect theory and hold the fuck up. Shizaya is canon?!?!  


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Whoa. Hold on fellow Shizaya fan. Or not? But then what are you doing reading a Shizaya theory? So well, forgive me if I make a mistake in assuming you’re a Shizaya fan.

Butterfly effect theory? I don’t have a butterfly effect theory. If you’re talking about Izaya’s insecurity in the butterfly effect, that’s not a theory, that’s my explanation of Izaya’s feelings in my fic to readers. My fic (fanfiction) is called The Butterfly Effect, where Izaya met Shizuo before Shinra so it’s middle school Izaya and Shizuo – hence the butterfly effect, where the smallest change in the past can change the future, little by little, just like the fluttering of wings of a butterfly. So yeah it’s a theory, but an actual scientific one and definitely not mine.

If you’re talking about The Butterfly and Camellia Theory…I didn’t say Shizaya is canon in there. That’s why it’s called a theory. The only ‘canon’ in there is the events in the novel I interpret (my interpretation is definitely not canon since it’s mine) and the official art of Shizuo and Izaya (canon ‘cause well, it’s official)

So, if you ask me if Shizaya is canon I will give the factual answer – no. Shizaya is not canon.

But if you ask me if Shizaya will become or could become canon, there is no factual answer of yes or no. So I will say maybe. Possibly.

Which will probably be an unpopular opinion.

And I guess I might as well take the opportunity to explain and clarify.

And this goes out to everyone reading this, Shizaya fan or not, though I am of course still answering the anon…and any other questions there might be.

(And since you read my theory I’m going to assume you have read the novels until the end and SH and the spoilers for Orihara Izaya and the Sunset and won’t mind the spoilers ahead because they won’t be spoilers to you)

  


Right now, nobody can say with 100% certainty if Shizaya will become canon.

If you ask others, they’ll probably say, Shizaya is not and will never become canon because well, it’s Shizuo and Izaya and they hate each other and Shizuo tried to kill Izaya. So it’s just a fan ship. Yes even Shizaya fans will tell you that.

If you ask me, I will say, there’s a possibility Shizaya will become canon.

Now when you ask both of us, you’re asking if Shizaya will become canon, so unlike if you ask if Shizaya _is_ canon, what you will get is _not_ a fact, but an opinion.

So whose opinion do you want to believe?

Well, that depends on you.

No one is forcing you to believe anything you don’t want to.

You know, I don’t know if you’re a Shizaya fan or not. But if you’re not a Shizaya fan you’ll believe those others, and even if you are a Shizaya fan, you may do so as well, because well, it’s the popular opinion I guess?

But nothing is impossible in the Durarara universe.

Mika knowing everything.

Anri knowing Akabayashi.

Vorona becoming Shizuo’s kouhai.

Shinra being more heartless than he seemed.

Izaya being more emotional than he seemed.

Izaya seeing Shinra as a friend.

And recently with SH, Kuon being more soft than he first seemed.

And Shizuo wondering if he could have gotten along with Izaya if things had happened differently.

Now even though these became fact when Narita wrote about them, the general opinion was that the majority of them (except maybe Vorona becoming Shizuo’s kouhai ‘cause she does know Simon and Dennis) were thought to be very unlikely and impossible.

Like, Mika knowing everything? That airhead who only cares about Seiji? Hah. Very funny. Even we didn’t get to know everything until it was revealed to us. Shinra, heartless? He’s the most emotional of them all! Anri knowing Akabayashi? What, did he fall in love with her late mother or something? And Izaya – emotional? Seeing Shinra as his friend? Are you crazy? We are reading the same novel, right?

Or something like that.

But when Narita wrote them, they become canon. They became fact. They became believable.

So why?

Well, let’s look at the example of Izaya seeing Shinra as a friend.

A: Hey when Izaya and Shizuo met, it was Shinra who introduced Izaya, wasn’t it? I think Shinra is his friend?

B: Impossible, it’s Izaya, he doesn’t have friends.

A: But Izaya called Shinra in the hospital. And said he was his friend.

B: Well I guess they could be friends, but he probably just wanted to annoy Shinra. Like, it’s Izaya, so it’s more likely than not he doesn’t consider Shinra as his friend. He doesn’t have friends.

But the very unlikely possibility that Izaya sees Shinra as his friend became real when Narita wrote it – and it was much more believable than before.

  


Again, why?

Because we were lacking information.

And because we were lacking information, we had assumptions.

But when we got the missing information, when we got to know that Izaya, who can never stop talking in current time, was a loner in middle school before he met Shinra, and that Nakura stabbing Shinra changed him –

We came to understand, and could believe that Izaya does consider Shinra as his only friend.

Our very logical assumptions were wrong not because we were wrong – but because we based them on limited information.

So it’s better not to assume anything, really.

Everything is up to debate until the novels end.

Everything is fair game.

It’s the same thing with Shizaya here.

Let’s look at the example of Shizuo in SH.

  


> _Celty asks Shizuo if Yahiro indeed had a fight with him. Shizuo confirms this, and Celty is reminded of Izaya (the other person who fought on par with Shizuo, albeit in a different, underhanded way). To her surprise, Shizuo asks if she remembers Izaya, and proceeds to comment that Kuon seems to be the same type of person as Izaya. Shizuo also wonders how it would have turned out had he been able to maintain a friendlier relationship with Izaya like Shinra. Celty says that while it could have saved people around them a lot of trouble, it could also have been worse, because Izaya could have used Shizuo to do even worse things had they been on friendly terms. Shizuo says that he sees a lot of himself in Yahiro (wondering if Yahiro has ever had a “happy fight), and he hopes that Yahiro will not turn out like him._

Now what if Shizuo had asked Celty about Izaya after he asked Shinra about Izaya?

It’s not impossible.

Vorona is gone, Celty is gone, and Izaya is gone. Shizuo is mostly left on his own again. He could be thinking to himself much more, since it’s the first time Izaya hasn’t been to Ikebukuro for so long (and he knows exactly why)

So what if he finally thought about all the times Shinra tried to get him to get along with Izaya, wondered why, and asked Shinra about Izaya?

Or what if he already knew about Izaya, but his personal bias got in the way and refused to see him as anything but a flea, but when Izaya left and didn’t come back for once he realized Izaya could be not that much of a pest and it was just his stubbornness getting in the way?

Either is possible.

We don’t know yet.

If not, why would Shizuo mention the friendly relationship Izaya had with Shinra?

How would he even know Izaya had a friendly relationship with Shinra? In the past, he only knew Shinra introduced him to Izaya so they knew each other, and even then he didn’t really believe Izaya considered Shinra his friend (even Celty didn’t).

So what if Shizuo asked Shinra after their death match, and he now knows?

That Izaya was a loner in middle school like him?

That Izaya’s only friendship was with Shinra, just like his only friendship was with Tom?

That Izaya became what he is after Nakura stabbed Shinra?

That Izaya swore to make Nakura pay for the rest of his life?

Don’t you think he would have a new impression of Izaya?

Don’t you think he would consider the new information about Izaya the 1% of bad things that are not Izaya’s fault, since 99% (and not 100%) of bad things that happen in Ikebukuro is Izaya’s fault?

Don’t you think he would want to try to have a better relationship with Izaya, as he has expressed to Celty?

After all, he told Vorona – that even if someone attacks him, if they turn out to have a good reason, he will hold back on them (and maybe change his impression just like he did with Vorona)

Wouldn’t the new information about Izaya’s past give him more than enough reason to reconsider their relationship?

And it’s not as if Izaya can fight Shizuo anymore because Izaya has admitted to himself he’s scared to fight Shizuo now.

So what can Shizuo do, if not fight him? What can Shizuo see, if Izaya is no longer provoking him?

  


Considering all this, is Shizaya becoming canon, even if it’s just having a less hostile relationship…so impossible?

Even if Shizuo and Izaya are both men, it’s not as if Narita hasn’t written forbidden relationships. Look at Namie and Mairu and Kururi. Incest and…twincest? ‘Lesbian’ incest, for that matter. Isn’t that forbidden as well? Especially Namie (because it’s not fanservice at all).

And Narita doesn’t seem the type to give in to expectations or what’s normal, considering how his artist Yasuda Suzuhito is a fan of Izanami but he didn’t throw away Namie’s (incestuous) love for Seiji and put her together with Izaya…because Namie’s incestuous love is a vital part of her character, even if it is one-sided, it was what led her to even meet Izaya in the first place.

Shizuo and Izaya have a twisted relationship just like everyone else in Durarara. And they don’t have a woman or romantic interest unlike all the other males (except maybe Kadota, even Togusa has Ruri even if it’s unrequited and Yumasaki has Erika as a partner, romantic or not). Their attention has been on each other for 13 volumes and of course with my theory I would say that Izaya has been in unrequited love with Shizuo but that’s just my own interpretation. Nevertheless, they are considered as a pair, even if it’s not romantic –

In a story about twisted love, which ended after Izaya left Ikebukuro.

  


  


So, no one knows whether Shizaya will become canon.

Only Narita knows.

Or maybe not even Narita, because sometimes characters go against authors’ expectations and as a friend said to me, a good author will let them do so.

Even if you could somehow ask Shizuo and Izaya, they wouldn’t know either. Izaya is in rehabilitation so he wouldn’t be able to answer you since he’s decided to cut all connections to Ikebukuro (but he’s still thinking of his Shizu-chan) and he wouldn’t be so honest if he could anyway. If you ask Shizuo, (assuming you don’t get killed by vending machine) he’d say he doesn’t even know where the hell the flea is. And ask you what the hell canon means.

Though if you ask him if his opinion about Izaya has changed, he may say yes – because he has brought up the topic of Izaya on his own to Celty in SH, wondering if they could have been on better terms. Is that ‘canon’ for Shizaya? No, just that they could possibly have a less hostile relationship because it’s the first time Shizuo has ever thought of the possibility of getting along with Izaya.

Unpredictable, but Shizuo has always been unpredictable. Tsukumoya did say something like Heiwajima Shizuo was going to be the death of everyone and the plot before volume 13 so he may even have ruined Narita’s plan (plot?). And let’s remember Shizuo is the one character Narita never planned on creating. Which means he probably didn’t have any concrete plans for Shizuo, unlike for everyone else. Which means he probably just let Shizuo do whatever he wanted (like everyone else does lol).

So it all depends on Shizuo, really. Heiwajima Shizuo.

  


That’s why, people can all have their own opinions on Shizaya possibly becoming canon, and those opinions can be extremely against it, but I have my own as well.

And being N (mbti), I will follow my instinct which led me to create those Shizaya theories because it has never failed me.

And hey don’t throw the word ‘canon’ around so easily, it’s quite a dangerous word in fandoms I think. Someone might come and accuse me of giving false information about the most popular pairing in the fandom – and I’m speaking from personal experience (a very harsh one and without the popular pairing part) which is why I didn’t have the courage to post my theories until now, on tumblr where information spreads so easily.

Now whether you’re a Shizaya fan or not, let me make one thing clear – I’m not here to constrict your free will. You make your own decision of thinking if Shizaya will become canon or not. I’m merely showing you the reasons behind my opinion. And whether you agree or not, is entirely up to you.

After all, the only opinion that matters is your own, isn’t it?

And that’s good, because that means you’re decisive and won’t be swayed easily by others.

You can have any opinion you want. You can agree or disagree with any opinion.

As long as you don’t force your opinion on others.

And that’s just my opinion.

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
What would be Shizuo's reaction to finding out Izaya has been in love with him since the moment they met and how fragile his heart really is? Would he even care Izaya is in a wheelchair?  


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I noticed something that I wanted to expand on but I think I can expand it along with your question haha.

Well, he would care. Regardless of his feelings towards Izaya it’s likely he would care because in his interview he said this:

> _…Anyway, if you’re going to make an opponent of that flea, don’t think of him as a human. It’s better to think of him as a zombie or something._
> 
>  _He probably mistakes himself of being human._
> 
>  _There’s no reason to treat him as a human. In many meanings._

One reason Shizuo thinks Izaya isn’t human (or refuses to acknowledge him as human) seems to be because Izaya is like a zombie in that he keeps coming back because he doesn’t ever seem to be beaten down.  

So if he knows Izaya is in a wheelchair he’d definitely care, because well it goes against his perception of Izaya as a zombie and would make him seem more human. That Izaya can and actually did get hurt - by his hand.

> _That ‘attachment’ of his…When there is one thing he has an eye on, it’s honestly ominous how focused he’ll become on it to where even your own life is irrelevant.  
>  _
> 
> _If there is any ‘fear’ towards him it would be that one point._
> 
>  _So, watch out. First, his own life is secondary to him. Anytime I thought “with this he’ll lay off,” he’ll take another step forward and come at me again._

Shizuo also thinks Izaya has no fear for his life. Unlike those people he beats up, Izaya not only is able to avoid his attacks, but he comes back and bothers Shizuo again and again because he has no fear of Shizuo killing him. Shizuo has taken it to mean that Izaya has no fear of losing his life.

Because I am lazy I’m not going to search through my likes, but I recall that Izaya is afraid of Shizuo now, and his fear has extended to the extent that he flinched (or showed some form of apprehension) when told that someone could lift up a vending machine and asked how far he could throw it (that someone couldn’t throw a vending machine) So he’s definitely fearful for his life.

And this is just my interpretation, but Shizuo’s ‘fear’ towards Izaya could be that of hurting him. Or him ruining his peace. But since Izaya has ruined Shizuo’s peace but Shizuo has always managed to get it back I’ll go with the first one, Shizuo doesn’t want to hurt anyone even if it’s Izaya. Throughout the passage Shizuo uses words like ‘fear’ ‘ominous’ ‘dangerous’ as if he’s apprehensive of something, and I don’t believe it’s just of Izaya ruining his peace. 

Either way Shizuo seems to think Izaya doesn’t treasure his life but he does - his feelings towards Shizuo just transcends that. So that’s an assumption on Shizuo’s part, an assumption which would be revoked if he saw Izaya in a wheelchair and scared of him. So he would care. Either for a logical or emotional reason.

As for Shizuo’s reaction, well, it’s a bit unlikely Shizuo would find out, even if my theory is accurate, I can’t imagine Izaya telling him of his feelings. But for how fragile his heart is, it’s possible he could (or has already) find/found that out from Shinra. And if he knows that while seeing Izaya, well it could make him more human in his eyes.  


It’s ‘good’ that they had that death match because it ended up with Izaya in a wheelchair - and not dead. We now know just like Izaya refused to acknowledge Shizuo as human and called him a monster, Shizuo refuses to acknowledge Izaya as human and thinks he’s some kind of zombie (like Saika?). Part of the reason why he said there’s no meaning to Izaya being human could be because Izaya seems ‘invincible’ in that he seems to have no fear for his life and doesn’t get hurt and has no emotions (in that he’s not afraid or scared), nothing like humans who encounter a monster like him. 

 **So now Izaya after their death match seems to have the two things Shizuo thought he lacked - emotional fear and physical disability.** Which would humanize him in Shizuo’s eyes.

  


  


  


And I found something interesting in the extract for the Coming of Age Ceremony.

> “——Whether you want it or not, you’ll always be faced with challenges. It’s fine to run away; nobody has the right to say you should fight forcefully and get hurt.”
> 
> The fighter keeps giving his speech in fluent Japanese as if nothing had happened.
> 
> “However, if you just go with the flow, you can barely run away. At least you will be required to have a strong will to decide which direction you will run away in and power to step forward towards that direction. Yes, running away will also require courage.”

This seems to allude to Izaya - he ran away from Ikebukuro and Shizuo. But he has a strong will in doing so, he’s going back to his hobby human observation in his own place and he still has the power to step forward. And that requires courage after what he’s been through.

> “From now on, you all will meet lots of people. I want you to nurture the strength to accept someone’s life or the softness to accept everything. The strength of your fist is just one form of human strength. So everyone choose the strength that you should have and brush up on——“  
> 

‘The strength to accept someone’s life’ or the ‘softness to accept everything’ Doesn’t this sound familiar? Izaya accepts everything about humans, good or bad, even accepting Shizuo as human after their death match. Traugott said the strength of your fist is just one form of human strength. He talked about nurturing the ‘strength to accept someone’s life’  


> “It probably was not for me but he was trying not to ruin the reputation of Toshima Ward so he took the blame… He told me at that time, ‘Being weak is not a crime. Train yourself to be stronger, young man.’”  
> 

So we can assume that since Traugott said the strength of your fist is just one form of human strength and Shizuo has the most strength in that area, he was talking about emotional or mental strength, possibly as he said, ‘the strength to accept someone’s life’ or the ‘softness to accept everything’ or both. And Shizuo said,  “Yeah, that’s how I realized I am a very weak person… The other day I felt like I finally became a little stronger.” and said if he became strong it was because of Tom and Vorona, probably referring to emotional strength, dealing with the fallout of unpaid debts, hanging out with friends, caring for people, things he doesn’t have to use physical strength for. 

> Shizuo had a nostalgic feeling about his past while he walked behind Tom and muttered almost as if he were talking to himself.
> 
> “Well, when I become a little bit of a better person someday, I want to attend a coming of age ceremony at least once in my life.”

While running away seems to be referring to Izaya, it can also refer to Shizuo.

> It drifted.
> 
> And drifted.
> 
> Everything drifted away from the boy.
> 
> He only wanted to be loved by someone.
> 
> He only wanted to love someone
> 
> The shy boy didn’t even have the bravery to control himself.
> 
> He was afraid of hurting the one he loved.
> 
> So he decided not to love anyone.
> 
> Feared, feared, and unloved.
> 
> Time evolved the boy into a monster.

Because Shizuo feared he would hurt the one he loved like he did with the milk lady, he decided not to love anyone. No one loved him, and he became a monster.

> I’m the one who’s scared.
> 
> It’s me.
> 
> I’m the world’s biggest coward.
> 
> Because I’m scared of what I should trust the most – myself.

So as Shizuo himself says, he can be considered to be a ‘coward’ for running away from love. 

> “I want you to nurture the strength to accept someone’s life or the softness to accept everything. The strength of your fist is just one form of human strength.”  
> 

These are the words of Traugott, someone Shizuo really looks up to. 

And perhaps they could be foreshadowing of the future. Shizuo can no longer use his fist against Izaya. Shizuo has never accepted Izaya, has never accepted the way Izaya lives. Izaya now has accepted everything - his unrequited feelings for Shizuo, Vorona being a reliable friend for Shizuo, his physical condition, even taking it as punishment for not accepting Shizuo as human.

And if Izaya has now lost the two things that made him inhuman in Shizuo’s eyes, Shizuo too will have to acknowledge him as human. 

  


  


> _“Well, when I become a little bit of a better person someday, I want to attend a coming of age ceremony at least once in my life.”  
>  _
> 
> _**\- Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Coming of Age Ceremony**_

This is just a theory, but Izaya could help Shizuo become a better person.

If Izaya becomes more human in Shizuo’s eyes, Shizuo might be able to ‘nurture the strength to accept someone’s life’. 

Izaya’s life.

 _The man named Orihara Izaya is not a detective. In fact, he is the exact opposite of such a being._  


_\- Summary from A Standing Ovation with Orihara Izaya_

> _Shizuo, reminiscing, nodded fiercely as he replied.  
>  **“I think I wanted to be a detective.”**  
>  _
> 
> _\- Durarara SH Volume 1_

Could it be foreshadowing?

If Shizuo who wanted to be a detective can work together with Izaya in his detective agency, he could indeed nurture the strength to accept someone’s life, not just Izaya’s condition, maybe even the way Izaya does things because he considers himself a coward who ran away from love. 

And since Shizuo is true to his emotions ‘in the same way’ Izaya is true to his desires, he could in turn become a better person someday like he wanted to be. He could ‘come of age’, become an adult and move away from his past where he hurt the one he loved.

  


Izaya and Shizuo were the only ones who didn’t attend the Coming of Age Ceremony. I think there’s some symbolism here. They didn’t attend the graduation ceremony either, and so they never graduated from each other. Shinra reflects in the drama CD -

> **SHINRA**  
>  I’m always thinking: Just what is growing up? Just what does it mean to become an adult? I’m 24 now, and I’m not really sure, to tell you the truth. I don’t wear a school uniform anymore, I know a little more, but it’s really almost the same, and it doesn’t really feel any different. Not only me, my friends around me too, for example, this was how they were six years ago—  
>    
>  **SHIZUO**  
>  Izaya yo!!  
>    
>  **IZAYA**  
>  Sorry, Shizu-chan, I’m a bit busy today, so bye~  
>    
>  **SHIZUO**  
>  You stop right there! Izaya—!  
>    
>  (※ The sound of some innocent item being thrown)  
>    
>  **SHINRA**  
>  This was them yesterday—  
>    
>  **SHIZUO**  
>  Izaya yo!!  
>    
>  **IZAYA**  
>  Sorry, Shizu-chan, I’m a bit busy today too, so bye~  
>    
>  **SHIZUO**  
>  You stop right there! Izaya—!  
>    
>  (※ Once again…the sound of some innocent item being thrown)  
>    
>  **SHINRA**  
>  To them, six years doesn’t really mean anything to them. The lifetime of a human is just so fleeting, and nothing’s really changed for them anyway. Either way, let’s talk about what happened six years ago—the intriguing story that happened during graduation.  
> 

  


> **Kasuka:** That night, my brother didn’t come back home. Even though tomorrow was the graduation ceremony. He probably chased after Orihara Izaya all night. My brother’s anger would probably not fade away, the same goes for Orihara Izaya, this fight would probably continue until one of them dies. I sympathize with/pity them, if they hadn’t met in those circumstances, they would probably have been able to reach happiness.
> 
>  **Shinra:** I feel the same. Except that contrarily to Kasuka-kun, I’m enjoying watching them fight. Celty says that it is a hobby of bad taste. But you don’t have the occasion to meet people like them everywhere, right? (Life is but one dream) So you have to enjoy it, right? Well, then, the morning of graduation day. First, Orihara-kun arrived to school.
> 
>  **Izaya:** Yo, Shinra. Did you see Shizu-chan?
> 
>  **Shinra:** I didn’t see him yet.
> 
>  **Izaya:** I see….Shinra, I probably won’t be able to attend the graduation ceremony, so tell everyone for me that I sympathize with all my heart with all those people who weren’t able to attend this ceremony with me, Orihara Izaya.
> 
>  **Shinra:** Eh? Why? Even though you came all the way to school?
> 
>  **Izaya:** I was planning to normally graduate from that normal high school, but it seems that it won’t happen. Well, if you ask why…. You’ll probably understand in about three minutes. 
> 
> **Shinra:** Hm?
> 
>  **Shizuo:** Izaaayaa! 
> 
> **Izaya:** That was faster than I expected… Well…. See ya, Shinra! 
> 
> **Shinra:** Ah… W-wait! 
> 
> **Shizuo:** Come back here, Izaaaya! ….. Izaaayaa! 
> 
> **Shinra:** That day, I just watched their backs disappear away from my vantage point. It has been six years since then. Even now, I’m only just watching them. A lot of things happened after that. But fundamentally, it doesn’t change. Orihara-kun running away and Shizuo-kun chasing after him. What is ‘maturing’, I wonder? Superficial knowledge. I don’t really understand. Is that something that you should seek? Or just something that you get without realizing? But this is fine, I think. …she is here, and I’m here. They are here. In this town. I’m happy, things are fine as they are. If this was a dream, then it would be fine not to wake up. To stay like this, through all eternity **.**
> 
>  **Shizuo:** Iiii-za-ya, yo.
> 
>  **Izaya:** I’m sorry Shizu-chan, today I don’t have the time to be your opponent. See Ya.
> 
>  **Shizuo:** Get back here! 
> 
> **Shinra:** Well they probably won’t want that though.   

  


‘If they hadn’t met in those circumstances, they would probably have been able to reach happiness.’ I find this part quite interesting. It could be that if Shizuo had Izaya hadn’t met, they would have been able to reach happiness individually. But it could also be if Shizuo and Izaya _hadn’t met in those circumstances,_  they probably would have been able to reach happiness with each other. And Shinra who agrees with this has said to Shizuo that Shizuo is true to his emotions and Izaya to his desires (after telling Shizuo he doesn’t dislike Izaya), it could be he sees that Shizuo and Izaya would be able to be happy together. 

Anyway so Shizuo and Izaya didn’t graduate from each other, Shinra said they were the same 6 years ago, fighting with each other. 

But now that has changed. Shizuo and Izaya are no longer fighting because Izaya can’t fight Shizuo anymore. Kasuka said it would continue until one of them died. While Izaya didn’t die, they did have a death match and he was supposed to die (Kasuka at that point in time couldn’t have known Vorona would have stopped Shizuo from killing Izaya). So in a sense Shizuo and Izaya have graduated away from each other and their fighting and trying to kill each other.

And of course Shizuo and Izaya didn’t attend the Coming of Age Ceremony either (do they _ever_ attend _any_ ceremony in their lives after they met each other? or do society’s rules not matter because they will be outcast for loving each other?). Now I think Izaya has undergone his Coming of Age Ceremony (symbolically). He has finally accepted Shizuo as human, and now he really does have the ‘softness to accept everything’ and wants to know more about humans.

So if Traugott’s words are indeed foreshadowing then Shizuo will have his Coming of Age Ceremony ahead of him, where he nurtures the ‘strength to accept someone’s life’, moving away from his past self who feared to love because he was afraid of hurting the person he loved, becoming a better person like he wanted to. 

And perhaps Shizuo could return Izaya’s feelings, as he was afraid to love anyone as he was afraid of hurting the one he loved.

> _“In the end, it might have been thanks to her that I’m still human… I missed my chance to thank her…”_
> 
>  ** _\-         Heiwajima Shizuo, Durarara Volume 13 Epilogue_**

And if he remained human because he didn’t kill Izaya, and was afraid of loving because he would hurt the one he loved with his violence and become a monster, then he could be afraid of acknowledging Izaya as human because that could mean he could be in love with Izaya and could have hurt the one he loved with his violence which is what made him think of himself as a monster.

After all, it would make sense. And since they were so preoccupied with each other during the Coming of Age Ceremony, it would be fitting if their ‘Coming of Age’ is brought about by each other.

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___I find it ironic that even though Shizuo and Izaya are like equally obsessed with each other, when it comes down to it, Izaya is the one who is able to move on.___

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Izaya was jealous with Shizuo gaining friends and hurt he didn’t come to visit him in the hospital. But they had their death match and after he expresses everything he’s felt in that, Izaya leaves Ikebukuro and moves on.

He can’t truly move on because he’s physically scarred by Shizuo and scared of him, but he’s trying to move on. He’s attempting to move on, reflecting on his mistakes and how his love for humans was impure and how he wants to know more about humans. Izaya is still tied to Shizuo by his scar, but he looks to the future. He moves on to new humans, dealing with a new environment and new people. He has less difficulty moving on than one would expect from a man so physically and emotionally scarred. He gets people to interview Kadota, Shiki, Shizuo and Shinra but that’s about all the connection he allows to the past (excluding that of his physical disability)

On the other hand, two years have passed in SH and Shizuo hasn’t forgotten Izaya. Everyone else has forgotten Izaya, in idle talk of Ikebukuro’s residents people joke if there was an information broker like that. Shizuo even has to ask Celty if she remembers Izaya, and Celty deals with Izaya in business the most. It’s natural to forget Izaya who hasn’t shown a trace of himself in years. 

But Shizuo can’t forget him. Shizuo has always wanted to live his life in peace and thinks it’s because of Izaya that he can’t have peace. But Izaya is gone and he still doesn’t have peace. He has all the capacity to live a peaceful life but his fuse is shorter, he’s more (seemingly) tamed but he’d even lay his hands on Kuon, a kid, because his anger outlet is gone. He even misses Izaya so much despite wanting him to disappear from his sight and leave him in peace that he asks Celty what it would have been like if Izaya and him had been on better terms. 

Shizuo says it would have saved the city a lot of trouble, but is it really? He said he was looking at the building they destroyed the other day. That building of their death match. That’s only like one smidgen of what Izaya and him have done to Ikebukuro’s infrastructure. So why that particular building? 

Because it was where he last saw Izaya. Because he probably regrets almost killing Izaya that day, because it caused him to leave Ikebukuro and him alone.

Because Shizuo is alone. Shizuo doesn’t have to be alone. He has friends. He has Celty, Shinra, Kasuka, Tom, he even knows the Raira kids somewhat, he has Yahiro now, someone who’s seen as a monster like him. He may be seen as a monster by most but when it comes to the people who really matter, he isn’t. 

But Shizuo is alone, because Shizuo has isolated himself in his self-hatred propagated by society’s view of him as a monster. He doesn’t think he can be a normal human, he truly believes he must be a monster deep inside and should be away from humans. But Shizuo is human, and so he wants to make connections with humans, even if they’re shallow. While not realizing the connections he makes are not shallow at all. 

And Izaya is the only one who has been able to deal with that. Because to Shizuo, Izaya is his only equal. Izaya is the only other monster. Because Izaya is the only one who can stand up to him without fear.

Whether he loves Izaya or not, that much is true. Shizuo misses his equal. He misses the person who could face him without fear and would even provoke him even though he’s a monster. He misses the man who would come back to him no matter how many times he pushed him away with his violence. 

He misses the person who is just as bad, or worse person as him, and whom he doesn’t have to feel afraid of hurting. 

Because Izaya is a flea. He’s a monster in a different way. Shizuo is a monster like a demon, one you want to never piss off and one you want to stay far away from. Izaya is a monster because he’s just not like normal people even though he’s an ordinary person, and Shizuo has given that monster the name, ‘the flea’.

And that’s why Izaya can’t be human. Because if he becomes human, Shizuo will be the only monster left.

And if he’s human, was human all along, then Shizuo would have done what he’s feared and tried to avoid all along -

He would have hurt the one he loved.

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Fuuuuck!!! Why are you doing this to  me?!!! This is wrecking my soul ç___ç 

Btw this is just so beautiful so very very true. If you think about it, it’s almost hilarious how huge of a contraddiction their whole situation is. Theoretically between the two of them, Izaya was the one being so obsessed with Shizuo to the point that when he wasn’t able to bear the pain of his apparently one-sided feelings anymore, he decided to commit suicide by Shizuo’s hands in order to leave an indelible mark on his life and soul, while Shizuo was the one who always claimed that he’d have been perfectly fine with just that flea staying out of his life, that only with him gone he’d have finally found the peace he’d always longed for. But then what happened? Izaya who apparently was the most obsessed of the two, is trying his best to move on, miserably failing but still is trying. And we perfectly know how much Izaya is a master at making himself miserable, he can’t just allow himself to have positive thoughts (same reason why when he was hospitalized and lied awake all night in his bed waiting for Shizuo to show up but he didn’t, he thought that meant Shizuo didn’t even care enough to come and kill him, while the truth of facts was that Shizuo was oblivious to Izaya’s situation and not having heard of him for a while, was asking about him through the city) and that’s why he’s 100% sure that Shizuo after their death match has once and for all moved on with his life and now is happily enjoying his peaceful existence having totally erased him from his mind. Nothing more wrong than that, actually that’s the total opposite. Contrary to Izaya’s pessimistic certainities, Shizuo is the only one who even after one year and half still remembers him, while everyone else almost forgot he even existed. And he’s not happy, like at all, almost the opposite. He currently has everything he needs to be happy: loyal friends who care about him, a job and finally peace but he just can’t find his happiness. He’s bored, lonely, a pale reflection of what he was in the past. He lost his spark. And him wondering about how things could’ve been different had him and Izaya been friends, suggests that maybe, unwillingly, he’s slowly realizing that the key to his peace and happiness is just Izaya but not in the way he thought (with him gone) but with him still around. He lost the only person he considered an equal, the only person that being a monster himself, wasn’t afraid to hurt and saved him from his loneliness. And that’s precisely the reason why Shizuo could never acknowledge Izaya as human, because if he did, he’d have stayed the only monster left and at the same time he should’ve come to terms with his worst fear of all: having badly hurt the only human he ever truly loved.

You wrecked my heart in return :)  
  
REBLOGGING CAUSE THIS

It’s the first time I don’t mind reading a wall of text! You’re so good at writing out your thoughts! Everything you say is so true! Izaya has all these feelings but it’s because he’s kept them all locked up once he’s expressed them in their death match he’s able to move on while Shizuo has expressed all his anger but he’s still stuck in the past.

Surprisingly I didn’t notice that irony but now that you pointed it out damn it’s so true. 

It’s really so ironic, I mean the misunderstandings these two loner dorks have! It’s so humorously sad lol. 

My god, if they would just talk? Like, talk you two! Sit down and talk. Celty why didn’t you just tie them down with your shadows and demand them to talk? Forget Mikado and Masaomi. At least those two talk even though they’re not on the same wavelength. Shizuo and Izaya are the pair that need to just talk to each other honesty the most.

Communicate. And not by throwing vending machines and knives. With words. Excluding the words ‘flea’ and ‘monster’. You both are human, really. 

I would say more but I think you’ve said all I wanted to say xD  
  
And I think the unrequited Shizaya (Shizuo’s side) fic will speak more than I can right now lol

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___The Butterfly and the Camellia_ _ _

______

Hello. I’d like to talk about the symbolism in this official art of Shizuo and Izaya.  


It’s not necessary to read it to understand this, but this theory complements [my theory of Izaya being in unrequited love with Shizuo](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/121351397326/izaya-is-in-unrequited-love-with-shizuo-theory). So, it is a Shizaya theory, as the tag says. Also, it has **spoilers for Durarara! SH and the Izaya novel, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset.** So if you don’t want to be spoiled, it’s better to not read it. 

Why am I analyzing a picture? Of Shizuo and Izaya? It’s not as if it’s the first Shizaya official art. It’s probably just for fanservice right.

Maybe it’s just me but not only do they look more like their novel designs here than the anime, the picture looks more serious. It looks like a painting. Or a picture in a picture frame. 

And Shizuo and Izaya are normal here. Shizuo for once isn’t holding a signpost (or anything heavy like an injection in that awesome shizaya doctor official art). They’re not dressed in the alternates’ clothes. They’re not in beach wear. They’re not in their usual clothing. They’re dressed like two normal Japanese men. And Izaya isn’t holding a knife but a traditional Japanese fan.

And there’s a flower in the picture. And not just any flower, but the red camellia.

In Japan, it symbolizes love.

But first, let’s look at the butterfly.  


In many cultures including Japanese culture, the butterfly is the symbol of change –

> _“[The Butterfly] is the archetype of metamorphosis- the  
>  profoundest sort of physical change- and the inescapable symbol of resurrection, as the worm-like caterpillar, a creature of the earth, transforms in its quiescent pupa stage and emerges from this still and death-like state as a  
>  gaudy, gossamer creature of the air…the developmental cycle of the butterfly  
>  occur in four stages: egg, larva or caterpillar, pupa and adult (also called  
>  imago).  _

While the butterfly on Shizuo’s sleeve may be more prominent in the picture, it is Izaya who is proudly showing off the butterfly on his Japanese hand fan, on the blades which represent the many possible paths of life leading away from birth.

Izaya is undergoing a metamorphosis after his defeat at Shizuo’s hands, as information from his novel, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset, has shown. Fortunately, his hand fan is red, which seems to indicate luck in Japanese culture, heralding a hopefully positive change.

> _The metamorphosis of lepidopterans [butterflies and moths] is profoundly  
>  striking, with the obvious intimations of immortality. So it is not surprising that the human spirit or soul assumes the form of a butterfly in many myths across the world. Especially in Eastern religions, with their emphasis on meditation, the utterly still, but profoundly changing pupa seems the very model of spiritual evolution through serene contemplation. In Japan,  
>  the butterfly is symbolically identified with the blossoming of young  
>  womanhood, while in China, it is associated with immortality, leisure and the joyfulness of a young man in love._

Izaya isn’t a woman, so it’s unlikely the symbolism is referring to the first meaning, but the second – especially with Izaya’s love for humans. Although it is for Chinese culture, it is not uncommon for Narita to use Chinese cultural references, with Shinra saying Shizuo is like a tiger in volume 13, and his reasoning behind SH, that snakes with hands are excess; comes from a Chinese proverb, hua she tian zu (画蛇添足).

He also mentions snakes with hands becoming dragons – another Chinese cultural reference as the dragon is the tiger’s mortal enemy, it could be implying whoever will become a dragon in SH will be Shizuo’s new enemy, though there is a possibility no one will. Izaya was described by Shiki as a snake, so he was probably a snake who grew hands to become a dragon to stand on Shizuo’s level.

> _On the one hand, the butterfly has appositive connotations, often appearing in dreams as the return of ‘spirit’ and ‘soul’ –a revitalized sense of inner life and purpose- that might have been missing amidst difficult life experiences, such as depression or anxiety. The butterfly can betoken the emergence of new parts of the personality especially feminine aspects, and it may signify the constellation of a deep, self-healing process._

While the ‘feminine aspects’ is up to debate (concerning Shizuo’s and Izaya’s relationship since Izaya is shown with Shizuo here), Izaya does seem to be undergoing a healing process in his novel. He has given up on Shizuo, finally accepting he developed as a human, accepting Shizuo as human. He is completely alone, no Namie, no Manami, no Kine, no Shizuo, no Shinra. He’s in a wheelchair so he can’t do the parkour he loves, and has cut off all ties to Ikebukuro, not even bothering to connect with the humans he loves and not caring if he doesn’t. While this may signify depression, it’s Izaya, and hopefully it’s a prelude to a ‘deep, self-healing process’ instead, now that Izaya has accepted he’s no longer on the same level as Shizuo and he can no longer be the Dragon to his Tiger. He can focus on being himself now without Shizuo in the picture, and the information brokering which he loves.

> Imagine the _whole of your life changing_ to such an extreme you are unrecognizable at the end of the transformation. Mind you, this change takes place in a short **span of about a month** too (that’s how long the butterfly life cycle is).
> 
> Herein lies the deepest symbolic lesson of the butterfly. She asks us to accept the changes in our lives as casually as she does. The butterfly **unquestioningly embraces** the chances of her environment and her body.
> 
> This unwavering acceptance of her metamorphosis is also symbolic of faith. Here the butterfly beckons us to **keep our faith** as we undergo transitions in our lives. She understands that our toiling, fretting and anger are useless against the turning tides of nature - she asks us to recognize the same.

This seems to have some relevance to Izaya. Timeframe aside, Izaya’s whole life changed after his reckless death match with Shizuo which he knew he couldn’t win. He had two options, to kill Shizuo or to die by his hand and make him become a monster. Never had he expected he would live while Shizuo was alive. He hadn’t prepared for such a circumstance, of the physical damage to his body as well as the mental strain, which he is now dealing with.

Yet at the same time, Izaya is embracing the changes to his body. He finds rehabilitation a pain because he’s never been in such a weakened state, but he keeps the battle scar Shizuo gave him from their fight, as if to make even with the scar he gave Shizuo at their first meeting. He accepts he would never win against Shizuo, that he lost and as a result became like one of Shizuo’s victims – he even admits he is afraid of fighting Shizuo now, when he had never been before. He is still doing the information brokering which he loves, in a way, he is keeping his faith.

But Izaya isn’t the only one undergoing a metamorphosis. Shizuo is too. Without Izaya, he is less restrained in SH, even beating Kuon up because he was speaking badly about Celty even though he was just a kid. His Dragon, Izaya, is gone, and there’s no one to balance out his power and rage.

> _The butterfly was a symbol of balance. In fact the developing stages of the butterfly from the cocoon showed the struggle to achieve balance. This is because the butterfly is a highly organic shape in its initial stages and evolves to become a perfectly symmetrical creature. It is no wonder the insect itself has a feel of nobility._

Although it may be just the design (though they could have just made the butterfly smaller if that was the case), Shizuo’s butterfly on his sleeve is cut in half. This could signify he couldn’t undergo the metamorphosis fully, and wasn’t able to achieve balance with himself, unlike Izaya.

And if the metamorphosis went wrong, and there is still no new Dragon to balance out his power and rage, Shizuo could become the new villain –

  


> **The Destroyer**
> 
>  _There was a demon in Ikebukuro.  
>    
>  Anyone who had stayed in the city for some amount of time would be familiar with this rumour.  
>  Those who commuted daily to the commercial district near the train station would know it was not just a rumour.  
>  Guard rails ripped from the pavement.  
>  Uprooted streetlights.  
>  Broken road signs.  
>  Crushed vending machines.  
>  These disconcerting parts and pieces, when sighted, could only be the result of a single human being.  
>    
>  Heiwajima Shizuo._
> 
>  _  
> _

> _They said Heiwajima Shizuo was a friend of the Headless Rider.  
>    
>  This was not a baseless rumour tying the two together simply due to their common status as urban legends.  
>  Heiwajima Shizuo had been witnessed going around with the Headless Rider countless times.  
>  Like seeing a famous football player and a famous baseball player laughing together on the street, to those who knew the stories surrounding each of them, these fellow legends’ bond was a shocking image carved into memory.  
>    
>  And now that the Headless Rider had vanished from the city -  
>  A turning point made its way to this other ‘living legend’._
> 
>  _ _\- Durarara! SH Volume 1_  
>  _

  


Although it may be kind of far fetched for Shizuo to become a villain, when you think about it, it’s not. Shizuo has always saved the day from Izaya’s schemes but when it comes down to it, he is not a hero. He is only a hero because Izaya is a villain. He is only a hero because there is a villain and it is Izaya whom he hates. He does not go out of his way to rescue people, he has a harsh mindset about people’s hardships as can be seen by how he easily gets frustrated in his debt collecting job. He rescued Akane, but it was her who came to him, he gave his trust to Vorona even when she betrayed him, but it was because he spent time with her and knew she was a good person. To the people he cannot sympathize with, he shows no mercy. When compared to the stereotypical hero, Shizuo is actually a cold and even selfish man.

The God of Destruction, the man in a bartender suit, the Fighting Doll, the Monster of Ikebukuro, and now a demon. Except for that which describes his physical appearance, the people of Ikebukuro have always described Shizuo with evil connotations, making Izaya’s name calling seem kind in comparison. They have never accepted Shizuo no matter what he did, even after all he did, the rumors about him remain unpleasant. They speak of him with an aura of fear, and don’t accept him as one of them, save for the few people he is close with. He may have gotten closer to humans after he rescued Akane and had Vorona as a kouhai and even forgiven Kida, but the majority in Ikebukuro still see him as a monster. And now (or in the future) a demon. 

Out of everyone, Shizuo has the most reasons to become a villain. With how Shizuo is treated, has been treated by everyone, it wouldn’t be surprising for him to snap, especially when he no longer has Izaya to take out his anger on and blame. Orihara Izaya and the Headless Rider are gone from the city, there has been no Saika attacks, and the only urban legend left is him. The title of the chapter is even ominous – The Destroyer.  


And if Shizuo does indeed become The Destroyer, become the new villain from his turning point, Izaya might come back.

  


> _What if at this point, a turning point signifying a change in the world were to show up on TV?  
>  Something that shatters the laws of physics and the common sense of society, that threatens the foundation of the world itself.  
>  Think about it.  
>  Say the Headless Rider is a ghost.  
>  If that were proven, it would be as good as proving the existence of an afterlife.  
>  If such a thing came to pass, the world would be overturned.  
>  Would suicide rates increase? Or go down?  
>  Do you think someone would kill themselves comforted in the knowledge of a definite afterlife?  
>  Or would they despair that their consciousness would live on after death and give up on suicide?  
>  You might find it despicable for me to use such childish theories as an example, but in reality something so meaningless can have a significant impact in people’s lives. That’s what it means to be human.  
>  At any rate, those who hold the Headless Rider in regard might not be people who’ve met it directly, but in fact those who watch it from afar, you know.  
>  To a certain demographic, the Headless Rider represents hope.  
>  People have realities they can only swallow.  
>  In the end, it hinges on the individual.  
>  Upon meeting the same fate there will be those who deny and reject the situation, inasmuch as those who accept it defeatedly. Of course, there will also be those who take things in stride positively.  
>  An unescapable reality is something everyone has, no matter how slight.  
>    
>  That’s why, no matter what path they choose to take, it’s only another form of humanity. It’s valid in my eyes.  
>  Even if the path taken is what the world at large would label criminal.  
>    
>  Because I love humans.”_
> 
>  _ _\- Durarara! SH Volume 2_  
>  _

While there is no confirmation Izaya is indeed referring to Shizuo here (unlike in volume 1 when he was talking to the client about the headless rider and said that Shizuo could be a hero in a war), this is the second time Izaya has appeared in SH. And since he was talking about Shizuo before, it could be that he is also referring to Shizuo here, especially as it was explicitly mentioned a turning point was making its way to Shizuo.

And with the release of Orihara Izaya and the Sunset, Izaya has finally accepted that Shizuo has had human growth – he has finally accepted Shizuo as human.

And if he finally acknowledges Shizuo as human, it’s equivalent to saying he loves Shizuo.

And this is where the camellia which represents love comes in.

According to hanakotoba ( 花言葉 ), a Japanese secret language using flowers, the Tsubaki (椿), red camellia, symbolizes love (if you’re not a samurai or else it’s bad luck). It’s given out to show that you’re in love. And in Chinese culture, it’s a sign of love and devotion.

Izaya has red camellias on his side of the picture, while Shizuo has red clouds which are quite ominous looking, coming from his pipe. This could seem that if Shizuo is indeed changing, he is not changing in a good way (remember the description of dark clouds over Shizuo in the novels, like in the reporter part?). Perhaps it could even foreshadow his becoming a Dragon, the Yang symbol, since Dragons in Asia are in control of the weather.

And if Shizuo does indeed become a villain and criminal, Izaya would still love him as he has said in SH, because Izaya has accepted Shizuo as human now after their death match. He has finally accepted he loves Shizuo. That could be what the red camellias on his side represent, his love for Shizuo since unlike Shizuo’s clouds from his pipe, there’s no reason for flowers to be there…

Going back to the butterfly symbolism, Izaya may be the only one able to help Shizuo, as he has achieved balance and embraced the changes to his body and life. Shizuo doesn’t know where Izaya is, and no one knows so far since Izaya disappeared from Ikebukuro one and a half years ago, so the only way for him to come back is if he wants to.

And that may be just what Shizuo needs – someone who will accept him and is able to love him even when he’s become the monster Ikebukuro wants him to be. And with him wondering to Celty of how it would have been if he and Izaya had been on better terms, it isn’t as impossible a possibility as before. Especially as right now what could have been, Kuon (Izaya) and Yahiro (him)’s relationship is unfolding right before him, with Yahiro wanting to trust Kuon and Kuon being like Izaya only for the sake of his sister, Nozomi.

Though Shizuo still clearly doesn’t trust Kuon, and since Yahiro wants to protect Kuon, he might become bad from Yahiro rejecting him (since a rejection from Yahiro whom he sees his younger self in would hurt a lot more, though this is just a suspicion)

Of course, the question is, will Izaya help Shizuo? That’s debatable, but I think he will. Not only because of my theory, but Izaya has spent eight years of his life on Shizuo, he’s not a man to waste that amount of effort. His novel has also shown he has become more honest with himself, able to accept Shizuo has had human growth and is human.

  


> _“People exhibit different behaviours when faced with something different. Even if it’s not a monster or some sort of supernatural creature; even with others who are human like themselves. **A great man could be a hero in a war, but when peace comes he might immediately become feared like a monster for being preposterously strong.** Depending on the people, the era, and the society in question, it’s natural to have a variety of responses.”_
> 
>  _Shrugging lightly, the informant spoke ironically._
> 
>  _“In that sense, when a monster is born in society, it’s not the humans that matter. It’s the ‘monster’; that’s what I think.”_
> 
>  _“…That is, out of the humans with their full spectrum of reactions, it’s a matter of whose hand they take.”_
> 
>  _\- Durarara! SH Volume 1_

  


I have a theory that Izaya became the villain for Shizuo’s sake, out of his love for Shizuo. Izaya is a man able to read humans. He knows Shizuo would never be able to love him because he’s afraid of loving and hurting the person. And he knows Shizuo wants peace. And he knows humans’ reactions to Shizuo, that he would never be able to be human in peace.

The only solution for Izaya in the situation, to get Shizuo’s attention, is for him to become the villain. To  stand on the same level as Shizuo, and reach out his hand. If Shizuo is to be a hero with his superhuman strength, there must be a villain. 

No one but Izaya dares to oppose Shizuo, and so Izaya took on that role. Reached out his hands as a snake, became a Dragon, to stand on the same level as Shizuo the Tiger as his mortal enemy, so that with a villain to use his strength on as the hero, Shizuo could perhaps finally find the peace he wanted with his strength. Though he flew too high in the process with his excess wings. 

Chapter 11 of Vol 13 is titled, ‘Like a Dragon Given Wings,’ where Shinra speaks to Shizuo about being willing to become the villain to keep Celty with him and Shizuo commenting if he hurts the other person, it’s twisted even for love. Going with Chinese mythology, Chapter 10 was titled ‘A Tiger Dies to Leave Behind Its Skin’ where Shinra talked to Izaya about Shizuo being like a tiger and becoming a legend if he dies. Since Shinra speaks to both Izaya and Shizuo (at the start of the chapter I think) about each other some time after they met each other, it’s likely Izaya as the Dragon and Shizuo as the Tiger allusions were intentional. As well as implication of the Tiger and Dragon in Chinese mythology, since they’re mortal enemies.

And if this is the case, and Izaya sacrificed practically the whole of his teenage to adult life for Shizuo, it wouldn’t be surprising that he’s angry and hurt enough to kill Shizuo so he doesn’t have to suffer from unrequited love which he hates, when Shizuo accepts everyone into his life except Izaya despite all Izaya has done for him without being noticed.

And if Izaya’s analysis is indeed correct and Shizuo is going to become a monster in peace (true peace, without Orihara Izaya and the Headless Rider and the potential Orihara Izaya candidate Kuon, being weaker than he seems), it would be the perfect opportunity for him to step in and reach out his hand once again once everyone has abandoned Shizuo – because Shizuo finally needs him.

> _Dragons represent yang energy and the Emperor. They are the mortal enemy of the phoenix, which represents yin energy and the Empress. Yet, when they are together, the dragon and the phoenix are in perfect balance, representing the perfect balance of yin and yang. As partners, the two also symbolize wedded bliss and conflict._

(Let me just laugh at ‘wedded bliss and conflict’ LOL)

Izaya can no longer be the Dragon to Shizuo’s Tiger. Shizuo practically tore off his excess wings (he broke the bones in his arms, remember…? And Izaya fell to the ground…before he was almost crushed by vending machine).

But since the butterfly also signifies resurrection, he may become the Phoenix (the symbol of rebirth) to Shizuo’s Dragon instead, which in Japanese culture, is the (Female) soulmate to the (Male) Dragon and also symbolizes balance, Yin and Yang (the ‘feminine aspects’ of the butterfly might be relevant here). Both the Tiger and Dragon and Dragon and Phoenix symbolize Yin Yang or balance, only that the Tiger and Dragon can only be mortal enemies but the Dragon and Phoenix can be mortal enemies but also soulmates. This time Izaya would take the role of the Yin (since being the Yang failed) and Shizuo the Yang.

Because Shizuo’s and Izaya’s relationship has changed. Having been a victim of Shizuo’s strength, Izaya is scared to fight Shizuo now and no longer sees himself as being on the same level as Shizuo. Shizuo can’t fight him anymore (at least I don’t think he will fight a mentally scarred person from his strength) so he may begin to see Izaya in a new light. Because even if Izaya is scared of fighting Shizuo, since he finally accepts Shizuo as human, he is still able to love Shizuo even if he has become a monster. And that’s what Shizuo has wanted all his life.

(Alternatively, if Yahiro is the one to reject Shizuo, he could be the one to fight the villain Shizuo since Ikebukuro is likely to take his side. Since Yahiro’s last name Mizuchi, is a type of water dragon, and Narita is quite intentional with names like Mikado’s and Kida’s, Yahiro could be another Dragon since if Shizuo becomes the villain, he will become a Dragon since it’s the Yang (aggressive) symbol, just like Izaya did. Maybe that’s why it’s a story of excess since there’s only supposed to be one Dragon. Also Nozomi, Kuon’s sister said Kuon is ‘too soft’ to be like Izaya so instead of a snake he might be Yahiro’s Phoenix instead. And if Izaya comes back as Shizuo’s Phoenix, well, two Dragons and two Phoenixes is definitely excess, lol! Well I guess if Shizuo is the Yang Dragon and Izaya is his Yin Phoenix, Yahiro could be a special case of Yin Dragon and Kuon as his Yang Phoenix. …Ok sorry random thoughts, moving on!)

  


This is not an old picture, it’s a very recent picture released in June with a Japanese magazine. And just the next month in July, Orihara Izaya and the Sunset came out.

And I could be thinking too much since it was probably designed by anime staff, but to me the symbolism is too strong here and it’s also an unexpectedly peaceful picture for Shizuo and Izaya (Shizuo isn’t glaring at him, Izaya isn’t planning to stab him). I won’t say they collaborated with Narita, but the Butterfly is a well known symbolism in Japanese culture and the red camellia is known as a symbol of love, unless you’re a samurai. 

If it is just for fanservice, it wouldn’t seem right to use such strong cultural images in a picture for two men who are known to hate each other (especially as they never did before), unless they wanted to convey a deeper meaning. If they really had to use a flower for fanservice, the rose would have been a better choice as it’s more widely known as a symbol of love and romance (and it could be interpreted as representing Izaya’s elegance or something, there was official chibi art with the characters holding flowers and Izaya’s was the red rose). But they used a more subtle flower, the camellia. I didn’t even recognize the flower and thought it was a carnation which also represents love (and fascination) if it’s red. To be honest only recently did I figure out it was probably a camellia. Which happened to be a symbol of love in Japan too lol.

Yup anyway that’s it, of course I could be wrong and indeed thinking too much and I just wasted my time lol. But whether it is foreshadowing or not, I just really found the imagery interesting and wanted to analyze it anyway :)

Originally I was supposed to write down my thoughts about Orihara Izaya and the Sunset but then I saw this picture and I just had to write about it! Especially with the spoilers for Orihara Izaya and the Sunset. I decided to do this first because this is easier, it’s more of an analysis while the other one seems more like an essay where I have to organize my thoughts (I wrote down points and all). But in the end, this took me two days (not completely, but still) haha! And I’m exhausted, so that one will have to wait a while more.

As usual, like with my Izaya is in unrequited love with Shizuo theory, it’s alright if you don’t agree. Or you think I’m thinking too much or reading too much into it. Everyone has different opinions after all. I just wanted to share my thoughts with the Shizaya fans here again, so I hope you enjoyed reading this! 

  


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**_Sources_ **

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**Durarara!SH, translated by Popsiclete**

[http://popsiclete.blogspot.sg/](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fpopsiclete.blogspot.sg%2F&t=NzNmZmRmNDU0NmU4ZTM1MWZjYWFhMjA4MWNmYTM2ODg5ZmZhNjYwZixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

**Butterfly**

[http://scalar.usc.edu/works/chid490animalmourning/dragonfly-and-butterfly](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fscalar.usc.edu%2Fworks%2Fchid490animalmourning%2Fdragonfly-and-butterfly&t=MGM2YWFmNGRjM2I3YzZlNzc4MDc0NjZiMGM0YmY2ZDAxZGNjZDk2MSxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://www.whats-your-sign.com/butterfly-animal-symbolism.html](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.whats-your-sign.com%2Fbutterfly-animal-symbolism.html&t=YjI3MzY1Y2ZlNmFlOGNhNmNmY2U4OWJhN2QzNTk4NWQwMTVhNWZlNixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://globerove.com/japan/japanese-butterfly-art/1440](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fgloberove.com%2Fjapan%2Fjapanese-butterfly-art%2F1440&t=MjY5YzAxZDg5OGNmNjhlZDA0MzZhYzdkOWMyZWI3NTA4ZjdjMjU5NCxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


**Handfan**

[http://lucychenfineart.com/13-things-about-hand-fans/](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Flucychenfineart.com%2F13-things-about-hand-fans%2F&t=Y2I1ZDkzODNjYjgwZDYyM2Q1NWJjM2YwNDJiNjU4ZTg2NmM0Njg5YyxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

**Hanakotoba**

[http://www.thelanguagejournal.com/2012/10/hanakotoba-japanese-secret-language_18.html](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.thelanguagejournal.com%2F2012%2F10%2Fhanakotoba-japanese-secret-language_18.html&t=MGRkMDA4YWMzN2U2ZjllOGQ4OGMzOGY3MjVlYTE4YWIxMDNhNWYxMyxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanakotoba](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FHanakotoba&t=NDU0NjVkZmYyY2ZhMzI4ZDc2OGI4NTFmZjY0MGI1YTI2ZDUyY2Q0ZixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

[https://postcardsfromfukui.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/the-japanese-love-of-flowers/](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fpostcardsfromfukui.wordpress.com%2F2013%2F08%2F15%2Fthe-japanese-love-of-flowers%2F&t=NThjOWYzNmU0ZTYxMmYzOTRhNDIwYWIxNzc4ODhlYWI1NGUwNDM2YSxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

**Camellia**

[http://www.japan-talk.com/jt/new/17-Japanese-flower-meanings](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.japan-talk.com%2Fjt%2Fnew%2F17-Japanese-flower-meanings&t=MzhlNTJhMGZiZWI0NTgxMWI4NmMyYTFhZTBhMzVhNjVjMzk4N2RiNSxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://www.ehow.com/about_6569648_meaning-camellia-flower.html](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.ehow.com%2Fabout_6569648_meaning-camellia-flower.html&t=MTUwMWU5NzI5MWFiNWJjNWZhOTJkY2YzYmQ2NjIwYzU1ZWZmOTEzMCxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

[http://www.livingartsoriginals.com/flower-camellia.htm](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.livingartsoriginals.com%2Fflower-camellia.htm&t=MzJjYjhhMDViZTQ1MjQ1YzM1MGMxZTZhOWM5NWE3N2UyMDhhNWJiMyxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

**Carnation**

[http://www.teleflora.com/meaning-of-flowers/carnation](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.teleflora.com%2Fmeaning-of-flowers%2Fcarnation&t=YWM2ZmFhNGMyNzY5MDE2MTc3OTY4NmUwMzI2MjYwYTVjOTI2NThlYyxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://www.proflowers.com/blog/history-and-meaning-of-carnations](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.proflowers.com%2Fblog%2Fhistory-and-meaning-of-carnations&t=OTE5NzU1MjAyZWZjOGZiNThlZjBkNzIyNmFhNWU3OTE3NWEwYjM5YixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)

**Tiger and Dragon**

[http://www.biroco.com/yijing/dragon_tiger.htm](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.biroco.com%2Fyijing%2Fdragon_tiger.htm&t=Nzc0MzFjMDIxZTk4M2NmZTk1YzQzMTgwNGRiYjY1ZGU1ZWUwZGNmNixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://feng-shui.lovetoknow.com/Tiger_and_Dragon_Ying_Yang](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffeng-shui.lovetoknow.com%2FTiger_and_Dragon_Ying_Yang&t=YjM5ZDk5NDAxZWU0ZmJmMGMxMDgwZWFkZDMzZmRlZjk5NTZmZTBhMixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://feng-shui.lovetoknow.com/Dragon_Vs_Tiger](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffeng-shui.lovetoknow.com%2FDragon_Vs_Tiger&t=Njc3MGM4MGVmZDY2OGUzNDdkZTNiMWQzMzQzOWMyYmExMjg4NzAyYSxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://futurescopes.com/chinese-astrology-love-compatibility/tiger-and-dragon/8372/tiger-dragon-love-compatibility-chinese-a](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffuturescopes.com%2Fchinese-astrology-love-compatibility%2Ftiger-and-dragon%2F8372%2Ftiger-dragon-love-compatibility-chinese-a&t=NThjYjk5NzViZGJlM2FlOGUyNTY5YjVkYjI0MTg1YTg0NGJhZjA2OSxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


**Dragon and Phoenix**

[http://feng-shui.lovetoknow.com/feng-shui-home/japanese-dragons](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Ffeng-shui.lovetoknow.com%2Ffeng-shui-home%2Fjapanese-dragons&t=ZDkxYTI2ZGVmYTY4ZDgxM2I1ZWVmYThkNjczNzI2MzQxOGZkYjIyYixLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


[http://www.onmarkproductions.com/html/ho-oo-phoenix.shtml](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.onmarkproductions.com%2Fhtml%2Fho-oo-phoenix.shtml&t=MDAzMDU1ZWU1Mjc0OTg5MTgyODZmODA2ZTU1NjNjZDdkZDUwMTVjMyxLRldNbXRWRw%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F125175442246%2Fthe-butterfly-and-the-camellia&m=1)  


  


  


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**Anonymous** asked:

  
Maybe the red clouds in the Shizuo and Izaya official art aren't ominous but represent dawn, sunrise, which symbolizes birth and rebirth, of awakening, new beginnings.  


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Hmmmm

While the anime version has the clouds a very dark red, the novel looking version is lighter…but then everything is lighter in the novel looking version including the camellia.

It’s possible to have an optimistic interpretation. I don’t think the anime version looks optimistic but it’s possible for the novel looking version considering what is happening in Shizuo’s and Izaya’s relationship in SH and the Izaya novel. With Izaya admitting Shizuo is human and Shizuo wanting to get along with Izaya. So it could indeed signify new beginnings. 

The clouds are from Shizuo’s pipe though. And in both versions, they’re above his head, gathering above him. That’s why I thought it’s ominous because in the novel (volume 2 I think or was it 3) Shizuo was described as it was like he had clouds above his head, hovering ominously. I think it was in the reporter part.

(And it’s dragons who release smoke and fire. And if you look closely at Shizuo’s yukata in the novel looking version you can kind of see the shadow looks like a dragon’s head. So perhaps Shizuo wasn’t really a Crouching Tiger but a Hidden Dragon. Hey Shizuo  _smokes_ all the time lol maybe he needs to smoke because he’s actually a Dragon xD And Izaya wants to burn everything down like how he tried to set Shizuo on fire in their death match maybe not because he’s a real Dragon but a Phoenix, the bird of fire. 

Izaya…you can’t set a Dragon on fire! He’ll destroy the building. Your flames are for healing instead. Snake or Phoenix, both symbolize rebirth so be reborn from the ashes and heal the real Dragon)

Both are possible haha. I theorized it was ominous though because Izaya said he’s afraid of Shizuo, and Shizuo may not react positively to that, he may think he’s really a monster and become one. Also because as I said in my theory, since Izaya is gone, the only one with enough power to become a villain is Shizuo. And if he were to understand Izaya (since he’s thinking about getting along with him) considering their past record, he would have to travel down the same path Izaya did. Of course he could still understand Izaya and see him in a better light if he hears Izaya saved Kuon and Nozomi from abusive parents, but so far since Kuon is too weak to be like Izaya according to his sister, the only one strong and powerful enough to be another ‘Izaya’ is Shizuo.

Also SH has bad rumors of the Headless Rider aka Celty. Shizuo did not react positively to that. He attacked Kuon until Yahiro (The Challenger) had to step in. So it may be foreshadowing. Since it was mentioned that a turning point was making its way to Shizuo, the ‘other living legend’.

Celty has already become a ‘villain’ when she got back her Head. Izaya obviously was the villain. Even Shinra became a villain for Celty. 

The only one left to become a villain between the two ‘monsters’ and the two humans is Heiwajima Shizuo, The Destroyer.

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
hello! me again. have you ever done some analysis thing about izaya's song? (subarashii hibi)  


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Izaya’s character song? An analysis? Not really. It’s so straightforward. 

It’s obvious he’s singing about Shizuo. What’s there to analyze lol.

  


> _We’re separated, and though we meet up sometimes, there’s nothing to talk about  
>  I want to be with you, but there just isn’t enough time  
>  Let’s go somewhere where there’s no one around, when we get a break  
>  All of a sudden, though we meant to stay young, we’ve grown older too  
>  We’ve recklessly ended up knowledgeable on nothing but gloomy stories  
>  We’re so busy with our own things we sweat up a storm  
>    
>  What wonderful days! Power overflows, and I live having thrown everything away  
>  You will forget me, so when that happens, I’ll be able to come see you right away  
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>  The nostalgic song and smiling face both–I live having thrown everything away  
>  If even so I remember you, at that time, I’ll do nothing and go to sleep, go to sleep  
>  While singing both morning and night, sometimes I absentmindedly consider how  
>  You will forget me, so should that happen, I’ll be able to come see you right away_  
> 
> 
> **_-Orihara Izaya,[Subarashii Hibi](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.animelyrics.com%2Fanime%2Fdurarara%2Fsubarashiihibi.htm&t=MTE3ODYwNjRmMjkzZTJmMTkwYWNkYjEyMTY2NWM1MzZlNjgyNmIyMixrN2dMbExsbQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F127712865476%2Fhello-me-again-have-you-ever-done-some-analysis&m=1) (Wonderful Days)_**

  


Somewhere where no one’s around (their chase), busy with their own things (his information broker job and Shizuo’s debt collecting job) not enough time (his plans for Ikebukuro), it’s obvious he’s singing about Shizuo. Power overflows, the person forgetting him so he goes to see them…it can only be Shizuo. He’ll go to sleep when he remembers Shizuo because he doesn’t want to admit his feelings for him, but when he considers Shizuo will forget him, he’ll go to see him right away. Really, there’s nothing to analyze lol.

That said I’m currently doing a Shizaya playlist and I’m including this song in it.   
  
If I were to analyze a song it would be Rubi no Yubiwa by Shizuo. Especially since this time only Shizuo has a character song, not Izaya (since he left Ikebukuro?) I wonder if Izaya’s character song will come out with the last cour…

So yeah right now I’m working on other stuff. And I get ideas from stuff all around like I want to do a reblog of an ask, hopefully that’s not intrusive…but it helped me gather my thoughts. Hmm.

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##  [Izaya’s character song](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/146867384376/izayas-character-song)

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___Still at a loss for words. Been like this for about half an hour. Or one.___

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I don’t think there’s anything to analyze.

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_Saying ‘Sayonara’ (see you again)_

 _would be somewhat monotonous._

 _I’ll try seeing you off nonchalantly,_

 _saying ‘Abayo’ instead (goodbye forever)_

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Ketsu.

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_It’s not that I enjoyed bothering you,_

 _It’s that I was too embarrassed to admit that was love._

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Unrequited love.

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The cover for the CD.   


And Rubi no Yubiwa.

This can’t be a coincidence. 

Not with Rubi no Yubiwa.

Coincidences don’t happen twice.

  


Since there’s nothing to analyze, I’ll talk about something I was thinking about.

I was just thinking that this is why I love novel Shizaya. 

I know most people prefer AU stories whether in writing or reading, but I just love Shizaya in the canon universe. Which is why I wrote my own.

I don’t know how to explain it. But rather than what could have been I’m more fascinated by what could be. It’ll all subtle and up to interpretation, but that’s why I love it so much. There’s so much to find out, to discover, to know. 

To think, to imagine that Izaya has these unrequited feelings for Shizuo in canon, even in his current state after their death match - that he has _held an unrequited love_ for Shizuo _all along_  - when Shizuo confronted him in the Saika arc outside his apartment, as he was thinking about Shizuo before he stepped in the train, as he was ambushed by Yodogiri who mentioned Shizuo, waiting for Shizuo to visit him in the hospital even after being ignored by Shinra, as he speaks about Vorona being Shizuo’s kouhai and ‘smiled coldly’, as he was cornering Kujiragi only to be caught off guard when she said Shizuo was a hindrance, as he says goodbye to Shizuo forever, as he waits for Shizuo on the rooftop before their death match, brushing Celty off despite his original agenda (to start a war in Ikebukuro to wake up Celty’s head), as he can’t take the pain anymore and tries to seriously kill Shizuo or make Shizuo kill him even though he admitted to Celty he’s afraid of death, as he smiles bitterly when he can’t even die by Shizuo’s hand because of Vorona who came to be important to Shizuo _when he’s immobilized in the hospital for once_ , as he looks like he’s about to cry after Manami saved him, realizing that Shizuo is human like Vorona said, as he speaks to Kuon about a great man being able to be a hero in a war (like that which he created in Ikebukuro) but being feared as a monster in peace. And as he wants to grow strong enough to take down an organization and attain the pinnacle of human excellence (like Vorona?), and as he admits his love, from a distance where he couldn’t be hurt, was ‘impure’.  

Imagine.

It’s not only about Shizaya. Yes if Izaya were to have these feelings for Shizuo in the novels, Shizaya could be more canon than we thought.

More significantly, it’s about Izaya. It’s not even about Heiwajima Shizuo, it’s about Orihara Izaya. 

It’s about Izaya’s character. It’s about Izaya as a person.

Izaya as a human. 

It’s about elementary school Izaya whom other kids fought over, middle school Izaya who was a ‘nice guy but kind of like an alien’, high school Izaya who met and was rejected by Shizuo. It’s about Izaya in college who’s far away from Shizuo, Izaya who moved out of Ikebukuro for about a year and had the chance to be rid of Shizuo once and for all, and about Izaya who came back to Ikebukuro with power as an informant to start a war which Shizuo would be involved in, Izaya who was punched for being a coward, Izaya who was hospitalized, Izaya who was in a death match with Shizuo, Izaya who left Ikebukuro.

It’s about Izaya who loves humans, Izaya who doesn’t include himself in the humans he loves, Izaya who rejected any love shown towards him, Izaya who decided to love all humans equally because he knew love or betrayal would make his brittle heat break, Izaya who hated and envied Shizuo, Izaya who suffered from Shizuo’s final rejection in a way he never did with his humans, Izaya who could not love Shizuo as a human because his feelings for Shizuo are on a different level than his love for his humans.

And when you think about it this way - it’s Shizaya yes, but it really is about Izaya. It’s about reading into Izaya’s words and actions, getting to know Izaya as a human, being able to see Izaya’s human side because of his feelings for Shizuo. Izaya’s romantic feelings for Shizuo don’t demean his character. They don’t make him out of character. In fact, they emphasize his character all the more. They add to his character. Despite being in love, it’s not as if Izaya becomes a different person. He remains the same, but his actions speak louder than his words. It’s not as if Izaya fell in love with one of his humans. Because Shizuo isn’t just one of his humans. He’s on a different level than his humans. And in that way, he’s a ‘monster’.

  


Durarara is a story of twisted love. It’s about twisted relationships. Relationships and the twists and tangles in them, romantic or not, are what drives the story. It’s because of issues, misunderstandings, miscommunication, all a very common human experience, that conflict is drawn up between the characters as they battle for their own self-interests, their friendships, their love. They struggle with the boundary between themselves and others, whether they’re worthy to be loved, whether they can be forgiven, whether they will be able to stay with their love over time. 

Away from all this, safe behind his walls is Orihara Izaya. He’s the mastermind of Ikebukuro, the one who tugs the strings, who causes all the conflicts. He’s not infallible, he was stabbed in the back and hospitalized once, but he thrives on the chaos because he has no relationships with others except a single friendship with someone to be involved, which is why he was conflicted over his own agenda involving his only friend.

So while everyone is entangled in the web he wove, Izaya happily sits back, completely untroubled in his relationships except for that one brief moment because he doesn’t really have any. Because he’s decided to love all humans equally.

But what if he doesn’t?

What if he doesn’t love all humans equally?

What if he doesn’t love all humans equally, because he fell in love with one?

What if he, despite being the unbeatable mastermind, a heartless devil, a merciless demon, the man everyone hates, he too was unable to help falling in love? 

What if, just like Ikebukuro becomes embroiled in a conflict escalating into a war because of all those twisted relationships and twisted love, the mastermind himself caused such a war because of a _twisted love of his own?_

What if he too was involved in the twisted love story -

What if he created the twisted love story because of one of his own? 

What if the twisted love story was actually his?

Even though he was supposed to be emotionally uninvolved?

Wouldn’t that be such a twist?

  


_Many unusual people gather here in Ikebukuro, Tokyo— a youth who yearns for an un-mundane life, a hoodlum, a stalker denpa-girl, a young man who deals in information ‘for fun’, a black-market doctor, a high-schooler obsessed with magic, as well as a ‘headless rider’ (dullahan) riding a bike painted black._

 _These unusual people begin a series of abnormal stories that never fail to create headaches. But, although their personalities are all twisted— they still talk about love._

  


So, imagine.

There’s a story.

It’s a story of twisted love.

A story of twisted relationships. The people in this story go through a very human experience of doubt and conflict in their relationships and themselves. Their personalities are all twisted - but they still talk about love. 

This story takes place in a city. A city where color gangs are rampant and urban legends are real. A peaceful city that is about to dissolve into chaos. 

This city is controlled by a single man. He’s an information broker who claims to love all humans equally. He manipulates humans to see their reactions. He has no relationships whatsoever to speak of, because his love for humans will always be unilateral. He’s the mastermind of this story. He’s not a villain. He’s not entirely an antagonist either. To describe him accurately would be to describe him as a human eternally true to his own desires - as he watches over the people of his city who struggle with their own. 

But there’s a human he hates. A human he has known for almost a decade of his life. A human he has formed a relationship with, a relationship of hatred. 

That human is the only man able to take him down. He can see through him and his plans. He’s the only human the informant can’t love, the only human the mastermind can’t be honest about his desires with.

Because he’s the human whom the mastermind is in love with. 

It’s an unrequited love, because that human hates him. And so the mastermind hates him back. Because to admit it was love would be like the suffering he hates.

There’s a story.

A story within a story.

A story behind the story the mastermind creates in the city.

A story of twisted love.

A story which shows love gone wrong - between two people who are outcasts from the city - one who destroys it, and another one who saves.

A story which shows the ‘villain’ of the story who manipulates humans to see their reactions - is actually the most human of them all.

Because even after all the relationships are fixed and resolved, even when their love is no longer twisted -

When the twisted love story closes its curtains -

The mastermind is left with a broken relationship -

And an unrequited love of his own. 

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**Anonymous** asked:

  
What do you think Izaya meant by the line "I was too embarrassed to admit that was love" in his character song? Does that mean he admits he loves Shizuo or has he started to love him as one of his humans?  


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Well…since you’re asking the writer of the unrequited love theory, I’d say he admits he loves Shizuo.

_It’s not that I enjoyed bothering you,_

_It’s that I was too embarrassed to admit that was love._

_It wasn’t like I flirted and played around and gave you trouble  
It was just that I was a little embarrassed of this thing called love _  


In both translations I found it talks about embarrassment at admitting (or at least knowing) it’s love.

It’s also likely this song (originally by Sawada Kenji) is about the man’s girlfriend/lover leaving him and he can’t do anything to stop her, according to [fans](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DokOlKCq0TI4&t=M2U0YjkyODg4MTAxMDRmZWZhMDk1ZDIyYjg3OGZhYWE2M2NhYzU3NixNMXMwQmVybg%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F157102496096%2Fwhat-do-you-think-izaya-meant-by-the-line-i-was&m=1) (?). I haven’t done research on this but I think the context is pretty obvious, that it’s a song of romance though a somewhat bittersweet one. And I think most people agree that he’s singing about Shizuo, because of the ‘sayonara’ and ‘abayo’.

Of course everyone has different interpretations and some people would say Izaya has started to love Shizuo as one of his humans, or even that it’s a song for Izaya’s love for humanity. 

However in my opinion those interpretations don’t quite make sense. If Izaya is singing for his love for humanity why is he singing about embarrassment at admitting it’s love? One could argue ‘Whatever you like’ is Izaya’s policy towards humans. However, Izaya is _never embarrassed to admit his love for humanity._ That’s the defining feature of this song for Izaya - that Izaya admits embarrassment - and not only that, embarrassment at love.

About Izaya starting to love him as one of his humans…again, how does the embarrassment fit in? Why would Izaya be embarrassed that he loves Shizuo as a human? Even if you don’t take the romantic/sexual context (bed, enjoyed bothering/flirting) why would Izaya be embarrassed to admit human love for Shizuo? Because he was wrong? Izaya is always happy when humans surpass his expectations, when they prove his expectations wrong. Because he’s envious of Shizuo? If so, and he’s envious of Shizuo purely because Shizuo has people who like him and accept him, then he shouldn’t be embarrassed at admitting human love for Shizuo. He should be happy, for despite Shizuo affecting his feelings in a human way, he can still accept and love Shizuo as a human. Which means once he sees and accepts Shizuo as human, he can love Shizuo unilaterally, on an equal love with other humans. This should not bring embarrassment, but joy. Joy that he really and utterly is able to love _all_  humans unilaterally.

Considering this, it’s more likely that Izaya admits he loves Shizuo and was embarrassed by his love for Shizuo whom he loves romantically, on a higher level than his humans. It would make more sense if he is embarrassed at that, at his romantic love for a human when he is supposed to be able to love _all_  humans equally. 

And as I talked about before, it’s not just about Shizaya but Izaya. If you’re interested in my stand on this, then you can check out this post[ here.](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/146867384376/izayas-character-song#notes)

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___Analysis of Rubi no Yubiwa_ _ _

____The other side of the frosted glass in this windswept town  
An unprompted remark of the heart is rather miserable  
The weight of a dry leaf isn’t my life  
All because I lost my most beloved person  
  
While hunching over  
The ring finger was pulled out  
If you intend to return to me, discard it  
  
If this birthstone, this ruby one  
Such words in my head whirl all around  
There inside the dazzling sunlight of August  
I pledged myself to the illusion of love  
  
I enjoy my loneliness  
It’s good to be without a care  
Let these unchanging feelings quickly disappear____

 _ _ _The other side of the frosted glass in this windswept town  
Cooled tea left behind on top of the table  
In the sunset, I adjust my collar in the crowd  
Distracted, I look around for you  
  
Then, two years to the date, the crowd disperses  
In that town, I happen to catch a glimpse of a beige coat  
On their finger, I look for the ruby ring  
All because I lost my beloved___

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___**(I wrote this analysis before Katte ni Shiyagare)**___

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___The other side of the frosted glass in this windswept town  
An unprompted remark of the heart is rather miserable  
The weight of a dry leaf isn’t my life  
All because I lost my most beloved person___

 _ _‘frosted glass’ appears quite often so I think it’s referring to Shizuo’s sunglasses. Windswept town – well, Yahiro brought with him a new wind; so I assume the previous wind was Mikado or Izaya. So the image I get is Shizuo looking through his sunglasses in Ikebukuro, and finds he’s rather miserable because he lost his most beloved person. Maybe he just realized it because it was an ‘unprompted remark of the heart’. So it would make sense if it takes place after Vol 13.__

 _ _ _While hunching over  
The ring finger was pulled out  
If you intend to return to me, discard it___

 _ _He remembers the ring finger as Izaya points his knife towards him. Since Izaya tends to rest his ring finger (as in finger with the ring) on the hilt of his knife.__

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And he says if Izaya intends to return to him, discard it. Perhaps discard his knife, or the act of pointing knives at him. Which is essentially saying he wants Izaya to stop provoking him/ wants to stop fighting with Izaya if he returns.

 _If this birthstone, this ruby one  
Such words in my head whirl all around  
There inside the dazzling sunlight of August  
I pledged myself to the illusion of love_  


Not sure what this stanza means (I initially skipped it). Maybe how Izaya’s ring which is his trademark (which he always sees when Izaya points knives at him) reminds him of Izaya’s voice (words). 

Dazzling sunlight of August – well it’s summer. (Volume 9 and 10 take place in August, and after Izaya is knocked out at the end of Vol 10 it’s just a rush of time to Vol 13) But maybe also dazzling because Ikebukuro is peaceful since Izaya has left. Shizuo realizes his feelings, and pledged himself to the illusion of love – illusion because he’s not sure if it’s real since well, it’s Izaya. And maybe he just thinks he’s in love because he wants to be able to love someone even if it’s Izaya.

  
_I enjoy my loneliness  
It’s good to be without a care  
Let these unchanging feelings quickly disappear_  


But he enjoys his loneliness, and he wants to go back to the days where he didn’t have feelings for Izaya. And he wants his unchanging love to disappear.

 _The other side of the frosted glass in this windswept town  
__Cooled tea left behind on top of the table  
__In the sunset, I adjust my collar in the crowd  
__Distracted, I look around for you_

Not sure what the tea means (since this is not an original character song like it wasn’t created for Shizuo some things may not hold significance) maybe Izaya likes to drink tea and Shizuo misses him so he drinks it to remember him? But he doesn’t like the taste lol that’s why it’s ‘cooled’ and left behind.

In the sunset, he adjusts the collar of his bartender shirt and looks around for Izaya distractedly. Because he usually chases Izaya until the sun sets. (And maybe ‘cause Izaya is looking at his own sunset in Orihara Izaya and the Sunset)

Izaya is not there.

  


_Then, two years to the date, the crowd disperses  
In that town, I happen to catch a glimpse of a beige coat  
On their finger, I look for the ruby ring  
All because I lost my beloved_  


Then by SH, two years after the middle of Durarara (and one and a half years after Volume 13 I think) the crowd disperses. Vorona went back to Russia with Slon, the Raira trio are separated, etc. Ikebukuro is peaceful again. (Either that or the crowd disperses because Shizuo is looking over the crowd to search for Izaya) Shizuo catches a glimpse of a beige coat in Ikebukuro, and he looks for Izaya’s trademark ring –

All because he lost his beloved person.

And whether it’s Shizuo’s imagination or foreshadowing their future encounter is up to debate. And if it’s foreshadowing, losing his beloved person could mean losing not only Izaya, but losing the one person who would never be afraid of him. Which would make sense since (in Orihara Izaya and the Sunset) Izaya is traumatized from his death match with Shizuo.

It’s so beautifully ironic how though this song wasn’t created for Shizuo, it fits Volume 13 and the aftermath and SH so perfectly well. And that’s why I think it isn’t a coincidence. That the people behind intentionally chose this song for Shizuo.

Also Izaya’s character song hasn’t come out yet. We have Ketsu this season and Volume 13, so I think it will come out at the end. Which would fit, since we’re seeing it twice – Shizuo’s character song (about Izaya) came out around the same time as the 2nd season and SH. We’re gonna be seeing Volume 13 again, this time in anime form so Izaya’s character song coming out after would be fitting.

(And it _is_ )  


  


  


  


Sources:

<http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/114861719886/tanoshiidana-rikkapikasnikka-ruby-no-yubiwa#notes>  


[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-sDchbUv5zY](https://t.umblr.com/redirect?z=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D-sDchbUv5zY&t=N2FhMGNmMWU5ZWNiN2UzNmI2NjZlNGMxYTc2ODk1ZmQ1ZDZiZTJmMixKSVp4MEVYaQ%3D%3D&b=t%3AnNVOMAOuLt4NtYeYNnShqA&p=http%3A%2F%2Fzephyrsus.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F149611616640%2Fanalysis-of-rubi-no-yubiwa&m=1)  


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## [An Analysis on Ryuugamine Mikado](http://zephyrsus.tumblr.com/post/127567341596/an-analysis-on-ryuugamine-mikado)

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___I think Mikado is one of the most normal people in Durarara.___

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But he’s also one of the most interesting.

In a simple, and amazing type of way.

And I think I know why people can’t read him.

  


Let’s recap.

Mikado first came to Ikebukuro because he wanted to experience something extraordinary, and get away from his boring, everyday ordinary life.

Back then his life was so boring he went and created the Dollars. Of course, he didn’t expect it to become such a huge thing and spiral out of his control.

And that’s still quite normal. We all have our own ways of coping with boredom, especially if you’re an introvert. We need time to recharge our energy so we prefer to keep to ourselves. What Mikado did, creating a organization with no rules, where everyone is free to express their ideas and opinions, over the internet which he sought as refuge from boredom, is pretty normal.

So, what changed?

Mikado felt he was being left behind. Because he had knowledge of the supernatural and obscure incidents in Ikebukuro, he knew the Headless Rider, he was the leader of the Dollars which is the most famous color gang in the new city of Ikebukuro, he thought he was in the land of the ‘extraordinary’.

But because he thought that way, because he had such expectations, he was disappointed in the end, because, as Narita says, he’s just a normal boy.

And so he sought to evolve, as Izaya told him. To gain power in his hands instead of relying on others.

So that changed. The situation Mikado was in.

So why did Mikado change?

Because of the situation, because he felt he was being left behind?

Nothing.

Mikado himself never changed.

  


Sure, he’s now become more like the Boss of the Dollars instead of its unknown leader, but his core personality is still the same.

Mikado never changed - 

He just showed people a different side of him.

‘Cause if you think about it, Mikado was an actions speak louder than words kind of person at heart. He created the Dollars. He took initiative and created an organization for people to gather. He took action.  


It’s the same thing. Mikado is taking action over his organization, just as he took action to create it back then.

The only difference is that he’s doing it in front of people, for a purpose. He’s not holding back anymore - since no one else is. 

‘Cause they’re being selfish. Masaomi left Ikebukuro with Saki without explaining why, Izaya is manipulating everyone as usual, even Shizuo is taking action. They’re all just acting on their own, for their own goals, while he remains a bystander as always.  


And then Chikage comes and tells him to drop the Dollars because it’s too huge a burden for him.

I imagine that hurt him and his pride quite badly.

It’s the combination of the situation and Chikage’s words that led him to realize he never caught up to the city and everyone in the first place.

Even Anri - Anri who’s the only one not acting on her own, who, like Mikado, wants to go back to their peaceful days - she can fight if she has to. She’s Saika. And she acts on her role when she needs to, in order to protect the people she cares about.

And before, Anri was just a normal girl to him - the girl he liked. And now even she wields more power than him.

He couldn’t even protect one girl and needed the girl he loved to save him.

  


  


So it’s not that Mikado changed.

He’s just revealing his selfish side, and being selfish like everyone else - putting his own goal as top priority. 

But no one believes him. Even his best friend Masaomi and his love interest Anri are convinced that he’s changed, and are confused.

And Mikado knows they wouldn’t understand. Because being a private person who always smiles and tries to please everyone, putting people’s needs above his own, he’s always held himself back. He’s never showed anyone his ‘dark’ side. And so he doesn’t want to use words anymore, but relies on actions, just like he did when he created the Dollars.

  


  


  


> _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I’ve now made it so that only you, Kanra-san…well, Orihara-san, can see what I’m saying._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I don’t know if you’re looking at what I’m saying, but I wanted to tell you._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  There are things I’m putting myself into right now._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  Things you might already know, Orihara-san._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  But I’m not doing those things because I’ve been told by anyone._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I wanted to make sure that at least there’s you who knows that I’m doing those things because I want to, Orihara-san._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  To be honest with you, I’m scared._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  But I know that I have to do them…_
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I also know that I only burden you with all the talk. I’m sorry._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  It’s fine if you just skim through what I’ve said and say nothing…_
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I just wanted someone else to bear witness to the way I’m feeling right now._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  That alone is enough to keep me going._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  You said to me last year at our first gathering, Orihara-san_
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  If you really want to get away from your everyday life, you’ll have to keep evolving._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  But I never was able to make myself evolve._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I now crave a return to my everyday life._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I want to go back to the kind of life I had with Sonohara-san and Masaomi._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  That’s why I want to get it back._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I want Dollars back the way it was on that night._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I don’t want to get away from my everyday life anymore._
> 
>  _[Private mode] Tanaka Taro  
>  I just want to go back to those days. That is all._
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 9_
> 
>   
> 

  


  


Mikado says this himself. He says this to Izaya. Because he believes Izaya would understand.

If Mikado had really changed and become like Izaya, his guard would have been up. He wouldn’t trust Izaya, just like how Izaya has to be wary of people like Shiki.

But he trusts Izaya, and so he tells him his feelings he’s kept to himself, the feelings he always had but is only now acting on. Because Izaya was the only one who believed in his potential, who believed he had what it took to be more than a normal boy. It doesn’t matter to Mikado that he found out he was never able to evolve, all it matters to him was that Izaya believed in his potential when no one else, including himself, did. And so he thinks Izaya isn’t that bad of a person.

  


But for Izaya it’s different. Izaya, even with his policy of loving all humans equally, looked down on Mikado. It’s hard not to, for someone as capable as him, to have doubts about such a timid boy’s human potential -

  


> _“Mikado-kun seems like he’s still trying to figure out what you would think about him. Really, he cares too much about others at times that it’s sort of an incorrigible disease. But then that’s what makes him worthy of respect. Just like sheep for the sacrifice.”_
> 
>  _ **\- Orihara Izaya, Durarara Volume 6**_

  


So even though Izaya could believe in Mikado’s human potential, he too didn’t like his constant hesitation -

Hesitation, which means there’s something holding Mikado back. And Izaya knows what it is. His selfless nature. And so he twists his words to convince Mikado he has to evolve if he wants to protect his friends and change things. It still would be selfless of him because he’s not acting for himself but his friends.

But what even Izaya probably wasn’t aware of was Mikado’s pride.

  


> _Ryuugamine Mikado was an individual easily wavered by those around him._
> 
>  _But about his own creation, Dollars, he had ideas that even he himself could not understand_
> 
>  _Even as he stood where he was right then, Mikado could feel the tide of nameless emotions ravaging his own insides._
> 
>  _It was a similar feeling to the one he had when he got into the conflict with Yagiri Pharmaceuticals._
> 
>  _But he did not understand what exactly that feeling was._
> 
>  _That was why he failed to catch himself as he sank deeper and deeper into the quagmire of confusion_
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 6_

  


Even Mikado himself wasn’t aware of his own feeling of pride and possessiveness over his organization, the Dollars, his own creation.

And that’s why Aoba wasn’t able to predict his change at all, since, while they are similar, unlike Izaya Aoba seems to focus more on the surface. Izaya, despite Mikado’s timid nature, could see his potential with his experience with observing humans. But Aoba ‘hates humans’ and he doesn’t have as much experience, he has the same nature of making use of people as Izaya does, but is lacking the information Izaya has about human nature.

And so when Mikado changed and exceeded his expectations, instead of being happy like Izaya that the guy was better than he had thought, he’s surprised and shocked and even scared, because he lost control of the situation and the power he had over it. Aoba never believed in Mikado’s human potential like Izaya did. 

Aoba underestimated Mikado. Unlike Izaya who views all humans equally, Aoba saw Mikado as a pawn to use. He never prepared for Mikado’s independent thoughts and feelings, unaffected by those around him. He never considered it a possibility unlike Izaya, and so he couldn’t predict him. It’s like a teacher who teaches you suddenly showing martial art skills, or something like that. Like, we only see the teacher side of him/her, so we wouldn’t really know them as a person.

Because Aoba knows Mikado, but he doesn’t understand him.

And I think Izaya knows not only because of human observation, but because he was the same. He, like Mikado, was a good student in school, who treated everyone politely. He never seemed like someone who would become a mastermind or villain at all. At that time he was still holding himself back, which was why he had to say ‘I like watching people of all occupations’ instead of ‘My hobby is human observation’, because he was still attached to a normal, everyday life. 

Sure, the Nakura stabbing Shinra incident changed him - but he was already running a gambling ring before. By saying ‘I like watching people of all occupations’, in a way, he was already hiding the truth and manipulating people’s impression of him when he knows it’s more than that, that he’s more abnormal. He was already manipulative, he just didn’t let everyone see his true nature. 

Similarly with Mikado, he already sought for the extraordinary and would take action if he needed to, when he’s thinking of himself instead of others. It’s when Mikado _doesn’t care what others think of him anymore_ that he ‘changes’, just like Izaya did when he evolved above human society.

  


  


> _No matter how much proof there was, to Kadota, who had conversed face-to-face with Ryugamine Mikado several times before, this was not a conclusion he could accept easily._
> 
>  _This was because he had always felt that Ryugamine Mikado was of the dwindling species of honest folk, who had no affinity whatsover with the world of colour gangs and bousouzoku._
> 
>  _\- Durarara Volume 10_

  


Kadota says it here, Mikado is honest, honest to a fault -

And so he’s just being honest to his true feelings and desires, just like Izaya.

  


  


  


Mikado never changed, we were just lacking information on his true personality just like we were about Izaya in his middle school days.

Because our attention was on everyone else and like Izaya and Aoba, we underestimated him. We had preconceived notions about him, just like Aoba and everyone else did. And when those notions were shattered, it was like there was nothing else to hold onto and we end up picking up the scattered pieces and trying to determine what changed.

When in fact Mikado is just finally revealing his true personality and his skills such as hacking and gathering information that he’s kept hidden, in order to gain others’ approval and acceptance.

It’s a very everyday thing, isn’t it?

  


  


So, Mikado is normal. He’s just a normal person who showed his true self, who kept things to himself so much that when he revealed his desires, things he wanted for himself and the people he cared about which he kept hidden for so long, it’s like a dam came bursting out with the pressure of his feelings suppressed for the sake of other people. 

And he became even more extraordinary than the abnormal people around him who always displayed their abnormality unlike him.

  


  


> _All I can do is just watch._
> 
>  _Yes, I will watch.  
>  _
> 
> _I will watch how many people and who are involved, and where and how “just a high school student” who forced himself to the edge will fall off._
> 
>  _Just a high school student; the story of Ryuugamine Mikado will probably end soon.  
>  _
> 
> _But that’s that._
> 
>  _Just a high school student who is not a delinquent or anything controls color gangs and tangles the thread of the yakuza and the Headless Rider.  
>    
>  _
> 
> _It’s as if it’s an urban legend.  
>  _
> 
> _**\- Durarara Volume 12, Tsukumoya Shinichi**_

  


  


  


It’s ironic. Mikado came to Ikebukuro for the extraordinary, to escape his everyday ordinary life - which he could never do – 

But he ended up doing everything to get it back –  and became extraordinary in the process.

  


And that’s Ryuugamine Mikado.


End file.
